savored the moment. The rest of it would happen in its own time. Right now, he was going to enjoy the initial feeling of happiness they were both experiencing.
Michael lay in bed that night, exhausted, but sleep was an unknown dimension. Eva was pressed up against him, her breathing deep as she nestled under the sheets. He was glad she was feeling a lot better than earlier in the day, but still wasn’t at one hundred percent. He had seen pregnant women and heard about the morning sickness they went through, but he never truly dealt with one directly. Eva said it all when she said their lives would change. The very news of her being pregnant had already sent him into a tailspin of so many things.
Her warm breath tickled his bare back, and he tried to adjust his weight to not wake her. He stared up at the ceiling, watching the few beams of light that flashed in from the street lights outside.
It sunk in. At that very moment, he realized the one thing that terrified him more than running in to a burning building – He was going to be a father. Bile built up in the back of his throat and he closed his eyes as it all hit him. With all of his drinking, his past, and every issue his family was going through, he had always wondered how it would be to bring a child into a mess like that.
Would he be a good dad? The man he needed to mimic died when he was fourteen. The memories he had of his father were good, and Michael hoped he could be half the man that he was. What if he died young and left his child fatherless like he and Casey had gone through? Would his child be screwed up and turn to alternate ways of coping? After all, addictions could stem from hereditary.
Heaving a deep sigh, he tried to shut his mind off. It didn’t work, and he went from worry to worry, like it was a plot of a movie developing in front of him. What was he going to do about Viper? His mom was always right. She had never steered him in the wrong direction. For some reason, he just couldn’t convince himself that either decision would be good. If he went, there was a chance he’d fall right back in the Viper trap, but if he didn’t, he’d be wondering about it.
And now he’d have another person to worry about with all of this. If Viper found out Eva was pregnant, it would be a whole new ball game. The thought of something happening to his child infuriated him, and he found himself getting flustered. Rolling on his side, he had to remind himself that he was crossing bridges before he got to them and that right now, everything was fine. Everything was perfect. The woman he loved was pregnant with his child, she was safe in the bed beside him, and aside from Gregg being a little strange, work was going just as he liked it.
It was a little after two AM and he finally gave up. A shot of whiskey would be helpful, but he brushed that away quickly. Flicking on the kitchen light, he poured himself a glass of orange juice and sat at the table. The two pregnancy tests from earlier lay on a paper towel, each one flashing the result. Give him a blazing inferno, a high rise save, a car submerged in water like his save earlier that day and he was golden. Eva being pregnant made his knees weak and his heart race.
“Mikey?”
Eva’s voice made him jump and he looked over his shoulder to her standing in the dark hallway.
“Hey.” He coughed to clear his raspy voice.
“What are you doing? It’s after two.” She sat across from him, her eyes down on the tests as well.
He moved his hands out and rested his chin on one. “Couldn’t sleep. Was afraid I was gonna wake you up. Guess I still did.”
Michael lay in bed that night, exhausted, but sleep was an unknown dimension. Eva was pressed up against him, her breathing deep as she nestled under the sheets. He was glad she was feeling a lot better than earlier in the day, but still wasn’t at one hundred percent. He had seen pregnant women and heard about the morning sickness they went through, but he never truly dealt with one directly. Eva said it all when she said their lives would change. The very news of her being pregnant had already sent him into a tailspin of so many things.
Her warm breath tickled his bare back, and he tried to adjust his weight to not wake her. He stared up at the ceiling, watching the few beams of light that flashed in from the street lights outside.
It sunk in. At that very moment, he realized the one thing that terrified him more than running in to a burning building – He was going to be a father. Bile built up in the back of his throat and he closed his eyes as it all hit him. With all of his drinking, his past, and every issue his family was going through, he had always wondered how it would be to bring a child into a mess like that.
Would he be a good dad? The man he needed to mimic died when he was fourteen. The memories he had of his father were good, and Michael hoped he could be half the man that he was. What if he died young and left his child fatherless like he and Casey had gone through? Would his child be screwed up and turn to alternate ways of coping? After all, addictions could stem from hereditary.
Heaving a deep sigh, he tried to shut his mind off. It didn’t work, and he went from worry to worry, like it was a plot of a movie developing in front of him. What was he going to do about Viper? His mom was always right. She had never steered him in the wrong direction. For some reason, he just couldn’t convince himself that either decision would be good. If he went, there was a chance he’d fall right back in the Viper trap, but if he didn’t, he’d be wondering about it.
And now he’d have another person to worry about with all of this. If Viper found out Eva was pregnant, it would be a whole new ball game. The thought of something happening to his child infuriated him, and he found himself getting flustered. Rolling on his side, he had to remind himself that he was crossing bridges before he got to them and that right now, everything was fine. Everything was perfect. The woman he loved was pregnant with his child, she was safe in the bed beside him, and aside from Gregg being a little strange, work was going just as he liked it.
It was a little after two AM and he finally gave up. A shot of whiskey would be helpful, but he brushed that away quickly. Flicking on the kitchen light, he poured himself a glass of orange juice and sat at the table. The two pregnancy tests from earlier lay on a paper towel, each one flashing the result. Give him a blazing inferno, a high rise save, a car submerged in water like his save earlier that day and he was golden. Eva being pregnant made his knees weak and his heart race.
“Mikey?”
Eva’s voice made him jump and he looked over his shoulder to her standing in the dark hallway.
“Hey.” He coughed to clear his raspy voice.
“What are you doing? It’s after two.” She sat across from him, her eyes down on the tests as well.
He moved his hands out and rested his chin on one. “Couldn’t sleep. Was afraid I was gonna wake you up. Guess I still did.”
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