Find Me by A. L. Wood Page A

time to think about what I said, she will see that what I said was right for her and me.
    That there shouldn’t be anything between us, even if the sex was mind blowing. I don’t know how I could go from feeling these emotions for Natalie and then all of a sudden be interested in Layla.
    When I open the door to our place I see that all the lights are off, “Layla? Layla?” I yell, while walking through the living room.
    Maybe she’s in her room. I swing her door wide open. Nope. I know she has tonight off and if she didn’t , my first guess would be the bar. The bar that if her little ass walks into, I will be carrying her out of.
    I head back into the kitchen , while pulling my cellphone out of my pants pocket. The guys have nothing to do anyway, so I’m sure we could figure out some plans for the night. As I go to call Jason, I see that I have a missed text message from Ryan.
    “Hey, Lals is here for the night. Nat and her are flying home tomorrow. Thought maybe you would like to join the guys and I for the day. Come stay the night.”
    I’ve been going back and forth on this cutting Natalie off, on the best friend thing. The thing that’s interfering with that, or should I say person, is Ryan. He’s my brother and fellow bandmate. There is no way I could cut him out of my life.
    I wonder if after what Layla and I did , I will still have the same feelings toward Natalie. Will I react the same? Maybe this is the only way to find out. I haven’t been in the same room with Layla and Natalie since the sex fiasco. Hopefully this could help me figure out what it is I am feeling.
    My head is a cluster fuck of confusion and back then , I would have easily fixed this with a line of blow. Fortunately, or maybe unfortunately, I no longer do any of that shit. Thanks to Ryan. He’s the one who got me clean, who got me a safe place to sleep. The one who clothed me and fed my ass, until we hit it big. I owe him my life.
    “On my way.” I te xt back to Ryan.
    He replies instantly. “See you soon.”
    I head into my room and grab a change of clothes and a pair of flannel pajamas. There’s no way I would risk going semi-nude in a pair of briefs in Ryan’s house, not only out of respect for him, but the guys know that I like to sleep semi-nude. They would definitely try to fuck with me. I toss my clothes into a backpack and grab my phone charger from the outlet on the wall near my bed.
    The drive to Ryan’s house goes by faster than normal. Perhaps it’s because there was less traffic than normal, or maybe it’s because of where my thoughts kept going the entire drive.
    To Cordova. To my parents. To being homeless. To Alex and her death. To Ryan. To the band. To Natalie. To Layla. And it went through each , like a pattern of horrible nightmare flashbacks.
    Cordova, where my parents still live. No, they haven’t reached out to me since I left. But since I have been able to , I’ve been keeping an eye out for them. I pay a private investigator to keep tabs. He lets me know if they need funds to pay any of their bills and I find ways for that money to pop up. He informs me of their health and of what they’re doing.
    Have I ever visited? Yup. Once. That was fun. I had intended on burying the hatchet with my father and mother. It didn’t go as I had planned, though. I found out from my guy that my dad was aboard the boat that day. My old man was still working to keep him and my mother afloat. I waited for hours on that fucking dock. I wanted to go to him first, put shit right.
    Talk without my mom there, because if it didn’t end well , she would have been upset and that’s something she didn’t need to see. I stood there waiting all day and when the boat he was on finally docked and he walked off, he walked right on by me. I thought at first that maybe he didn’t recognize me, short neon blue hair, tattoos, even piercings then.
    So I followed him, staying a few paces away. He kept his face straight and never once