people off, and the familiar creak of his chair. “How is it there?”
“Amazing,” I gush, falling back. “I could stay here forever,” I comment, staring up at the ceiling. “It’s nice to be just another person here.”
“You loving the anonymity?” he asks.
“Yeah, the receptionist made a comment about my name, but it wasn’t because it scared her or she’d heard stories about my family. It was because she just liked it.” I sigh heavily, and although I enjoyed that part of my trip so far, I miss the others dreadfully already. “It’s so quiet here, though,” I tell him, my tone slightly muttering. “There’re only waves hitting the shore and traffic, but there’re no people .”
“You mean there’s no family,” Zane teases, chuckling. “You’re not used to not having me or your brothers around. That’s your problem. You’re so used to having someone somewhere in the house or nearby, and now, you’re miles apart from us all.”
“It’s awful,” I wallow, pouting a little.
“Then get up and find Alessa, so you’re not alone.” I hear how playful he’s being, but he’s also able to motivate me. “And before you continue, I can practically hear the wheels in your head churning out every doubt under the sun like they were on the drive to the airport. Stop it!” he yells, playfully berating me. “She’s like a sister to you, Amelia. You miss her and you know she misses you. It’s time to give her back her family, too.”
“When did you become quite the knowledgeable male?”
“The moment you let me into your life,” he replies, chuckling. “Nothing I know more than the woman I love. Now, do you know where Alessa is from your hotel?”
“She’s about a ten-minute drive, I think,” I reply, remembering the cab driver’s card I have. “I’m going to take a shower then head out. I want to get this ball rolling and sitting in my hotel room isn’t doing that.”
“It’s delaying the inevitable,” he agrees. “Go take a shower and give me a call before you go to bed.”
“I will,” I say, reminding myself of the time difference. “I love you,” I whisper down the line.
“Not as much as I love you, sweetheart. Call me tonight.”
“I promise I will,” I say and put the phone down without a bye. It’s not our thing, and I hate knowing like I’m not going to be heading home to him tonight.
I sit back up, look at the clock on the bedside table, and notice it’s almost three in the afternoon. It’s a perfect time to go and find Alessa. I’ll surprise her and then decide where we go from there. I know she won’t cast me aside and forget me, but I also know she lives under a new name here, so she may be more on guard around me and unwilling.
I’m not leaving, though, until I’m sure she’s heard me out.
***
As I stand under the shower, the spray billowing down to sprinkle me with lukewarm water, my body temperature begins to lower, and I find my body revived and refreshed. As I roll my head around, allowing the water to rush down the curve of my neck without wetting my hair, I still all movement to just enjoy the water spray over me.
I only move to reach out for some body-wash and begin to wash. Again, I still, but only as my hand brushes over my stomach and I feel the slight difference in my skin where scars mar my body. It hits me why I was in such a hurry to make it to California. With the anniversary of Manuel’s death looming, I’m still in as much denial as I was when I woke up in that hospital.
I’m running from remembering.
A year later, I’m so wrapped up in my grief that I’ve become used to it. It’s lived beside the happiness because I allowed myself to wash over any form of bereavement with a smile and a moment to revel in the fact I’m alive. I’m still here and able to live.
I put a hand out to the shower wall, steadying myself for a moment.
Have I been running from my emotions? Have I only tricked myself into believing
“Amazing,” I gush, falling back. “I could stay here forever,” I comment, staring up at the ceiling. “It’s nice to be just another person here.”
“You loving the anonymity?” he asks.
“Yeah, the receptionist made a comment about my name, but it wasn’t because it scared her or she’d heard stories about my family. It was because she just liked it.” I sigh heavily, and although I enjoyed that part of my trip so far, I miss the others dreadfully already. “It’s so quiet here, though,” I tell him, my tone slightly muttering. “There’re only waves hitting the shore and traffic, but there’re no people .”
“You mean there’s no family,” Zane teases, chuckling. “You’re not used to not having me or your brothers around. That’s your problem. You’re so used to having someone somewhere in the house or nearby, and now, you’re miles apart from us all.”
“It’s awful,” I wallow, pouting a little.
“Then get up and find Alessa, so you’re not alone.” I hear how playful he’s being, but he’s also able to motivate me. “And before you continue, I can practically hear the wheels in your head churning out every doubt under the sun like they were on the drive to the airport. Stop it!” he yells, playfully berating me. “She’s like a sister to you, Amelia. You miss her and you know she misses you. It’s time to give her back her family, too.”
“When did you become quite the knowledgeable male?”
“The moment you let me into your life,” he replies, chuckling. “Nothing I know more than the woman I love. Now, do you know where Alessa is from your hotel?”
“She’s about a ten-minute drive, I think,” I reply, remembering the cab driver’s card I have. “I’m going to take a shower then head out. I want to get this ball rolling and sitting in my hotel room isn’t doing that.”
“It’s delaying the inevitable,” he agrees. “Go take a shower and give me a call before you go to bed.”
“I will,” I say, reminding myself of the time difference. “I love you,” I whisper down the line.
“Not as much as I love you, sweetheart. Call me tonight.”
“I promise I will,” I say and put the phone down without a bye. It’s not our thing, and I hate knowing like I’m not going to be heading home to him tonight.
I sit back up, look at the clock on the bedside table, and notice it’s almost three in the afternoon. It’s a perfect time to go and find Alessa. I’ll surprise her and then decide where we go from there. I know she won’t cast me aside and forget me, but I also know she lives under a new name here, so she may be more on guard around me and unwilling.
I’m not leaving, though, until I’m sure she’s heard me out.
***
As I stand under the shower, the spray billowing down to sprinkle me with lukewarm water, my body temperature begins to lower, and I find my body revived and refreshed. As I roll my head around, allowing the water to rush down the curve of my neck without wetting my hair, I still all movement to just enjoy the water spray over me.
I only move to reach out for some body-wash and begin to wash. Again, I still, but only as my hand brushes over my stomach and I feel the slight difference in my skin where scars mar my body. It hits me why I was in such a hurry to make it to California. With the anniversary of Manuel’s death looming, I’m still in as much denial as I was when I woke up in that hospital.
I’m running from remembering.
A year later, I’m so wrapped up in my grief that I’ve become used to it. It’s lived beside the happiness because I allowed myself to wash over any form of bereavement with a smile and a moment to revel in the fact I’m alive. I’m still here and able to live.
I put a hand out to the shower wall, steadying myself for a moment.
Have I been running from my emotions? Have I only tricked myself into believing
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