the car windshield looked like it would collapse any minute. The walk seemed like a death march and we were about to turnaround when we saw the edge of the lake. We stepped off the road and followed a well worn trail around the side of the water. It didn’t take long for us to locate the loud, rowdy trio perched on their coolers.
“Hey Cornnut!” we yelled, from a distance.
“Howdy girls! How y’all doing?”
“Pretty good. We need your help. My windshield is all busted up and I was hoping you could have a quick look at it. Maybe tell me how much it’ll cost to fix it.”
“Sure, I can do that. But you’ll have to hang out for a little while. We just got word from Johnny that a couple tourists passed through town.” He leaned over and spit a stream of tobacco from the side of his mouth. “Me and the boys are bout to go tourist fishing.”
We didn’t get a chance to ask anymore questions because a Lexus SUV came speeding down the dirt road and drove straight into the lake. The truck was going so fast the water immediately covered the hood and stalled the engine.
“Here we go boys!” Cornnut hooted. They all jumped up and ran over to the truck to help the occupants.
Ulyssa and I stood on the grassy bank, unsure what was going on. The couple came sputtering to the surface as Cornnut and crew helped pull them out of the water and brought them over to sit down near us.
“Y’all ok?” he asked, the drenched couple.
“Yeah. There must be something wrong with that GPS system. It told us to keep straight for three more miles. Then outta nowhere we’re sinking in this lake. I’m sure glad you guys were here to help.” He pulled a soggy cell phone from his pocket and tried to make a call. “You don’t happen to have a cell phone, so I can call for a tow, do you?”
“I’ll do ya one better than that . . . I’ll head back to the house and grab my truck,” Cornnut said, jogging off down the road.
He was back a few minutes later driving his tow truck. I narrowed my eyes at him. There was no way he coulda made it home and back that quick. He caught me staring and gave me a wink like we were co-conspirators. Him and the boys chained up the truck and dragged it out of the water.
“I’ll work on it tonight, but I probably won’t be able to get it running til tomorrow. Do y’all want me to drop you off at the local motel? I can pick you up in the morning when your truck is all fixed up.”
The man shook Cornnut’s hand saying, “That sounds great. I guess it’s true what they say about you southerners. You really are good folks.”
“Ronnie, you mind giving the girls a ride back to the house while me and Beaver run these nice folks over to the motel?”
Cornnut’s sidekick stood there with a face splitting grin and I understood how he got his nickname. He looked like a cartoon beaver with protruding front teeth and fuzzy sideburns.
Ronnie, the final trio member, snapped a salute to the edge of his buzz cut. “Roger that, Cornnut.” Something seemed a little off about Ronnie, but it was getting dark and I didn’t want to walk back through the woods at night.
His truck stood over eight feet tall if you counted the giant tires and flood lights. We had to use the sidesteps to get into the cab. I gagged from the overwhelming smell of the pine tree air fresheners. He had two hanging from the rearview mirror, and one hanging off the driver and passenger door ‘oh shit’ bars.
What smells so bad in here that he needs four air fresheners?
The gun rack, camouflage seat covers and spittoon completed the redneck decor.
Ulyssa slid in the middle and I sat by the window where the fresh breeze kept me from getting sick off the stench of the sweetened cardboard. Ronnie fired up the monster truck and guided it onto the dirt road. We were the last ones to leave the lake so the woods were pitch black, except for the truck headlights.
We hadn’t travelled very far when Ronnie
“Hey Cornnut!” we yelled, from a distance.
“Howdy girls! How y’all doing?”
“Pretty good. We need your help. My windshield is all busted up and I was hoping you could have a quick look at it. Maybe tell me how much it’ll cost to fix it.”
“Sure, I can do that. But you’ll have to hang out for a little while. We just got word from Johnny that a couple tourists passed through town.” He leaned over and spit a stream of tobacco from the side of his mouth. “Me and the boys are bout to go tourist fishing.”
We didn’t get a chance to ask anymore questions because a Lexus SUV came speeding down the dirt road and drove straight into the lake. The truck was going so fast the water immediately covered the hood and stalled the engine.
“Here we go boys!” Cornnut hooted. They all jumped up and ran over to the truck to help the occupants.
Ulyssa and I stood on the grassy bank, unsure what was going on. The couple came sputtering to the surface as Cornnut and crew helped pull them out of the water and brought them over to sit down near us.
“Y’all ok?” he asked, the drenched couple.
“Yeah. There must be something wrong with that GPS system. It told us to keep straight for three more miles. Then outta nowhere we’re sinking in this lake. I’m sure glad you guys were here to help.” He pulled a soggy cell phone from his pocket and tried to make a call. “You don’t happen to have a cell phone, so I can call for a tow, do you?”
“I’ll do ya one better than that . . . I’ll head back to the house and grab my truck,” Cornnut said, jogging off down the road.
He was back a few minutes later driving his tow truck. I narrowed my eyes at him. There was no way he coulda made it home and back that quick. He caught me staring and gave me a wink like we were co-conspirators. Him and the boys chained up the truck and dragged it out of the water.
“I’ll work on it tonight, but I probably won’t be able to get it running til tomorrow. Do y’all want me to drop you off at the local motel? I can pick you up in the morning when your truck is all fixed up.”
The man shook Cornnut’s hand saying, “That sounds great. I guess it’s true what they say about you southerners. You really are good folks.”
“Ronnie, you mind giving the girls a ride back to the house while me and Beaver run these nice folks over to the motel?”
Cornnut’s sidekick stood there with a face splitting grin and I understood how he got his nickname. He looked like a cartoon beaver with protruding front teeth and fuzzy sideburns.
Ronnie, the final trio member, snapped a salute to the edge of his buzz cut. “Roger that, Cornnut.” Something seemed a little off about Ronnie, but it was getting dark and I didn’t want to walk back through the woods at night.
His truck stood over eight feet tall if you counted the giant tires and flood lights. We had to use the sidesteps to get into the cab. I gagged from the overwhelming smell of the pine tree air fresheners. He had two hanging from the rearview mirror, and one hanging off the driver and passenger door ‘oh shit’ bars.
What smells so bad in here that he needs four air fresheners?
The gun rack, camouflage seat covers and spittoon completed the redneck decor.
Ulyssa slid in the middle and I sat by the window where the fresh breeze kept me from getting sick off the stench of the sweetened cardboard. Ronnie fired up the monster truck and guided it onto the dirt road. We were the last ones to leave the lake so the woods were pitch black, except for the truck headlights.
We hadn’t travelled very far when Ronnie
Similar Books
