staring at his smooth lips. What’s wrong with me? He steps away just as I’m about to lean in, and I nearly fall over, but he either doesn’t notice, or ignores me.
“Thanks. I gotta take a shower and get this hair off of me before I go crazy.” He laughs a little, runs his hands through his hair, and shakes it out. I stand still in shock.
Did I just imagine all that? I’m an idiot. I don’t want this. Him.
Do I?
“Okay.” I say weakly. I turn and start to walk to my room without looking back. Crap, when did this happen? How did I like a guy and not even know it? I can’t like Jason. It would be so inconvenient. What kind of girl would choose this? I make it up the stairs to my little purple room and sit down with my palms pressed on my lap afraid to relax.
I don’t like choices where choosing one thing I want will force me to do something I don’t want. Actually, as I think, I can’t remember a time in my life when I’ve had that. Choosing Jason would be like choosing Alaska and a rundown old lodge. Then I wonder if Jason even likes me. I thought we were having some sort of a moment and then he just shakes his hair out and heads for the shower.
Maybe I imagined everything.
I laugh inwardly at myself. I’ve never even given a thought to whether a guy I like, liked me. Not since Clive. I try to wrap my brain around this new knowledge. After a few minutes alone in my room I decide a few things. Jason is simply a nice guy and my brain has run away with that a bit. I’m confused and don’t like feeling confused, but it’s bound to happen when you spend a lot of time with someone. I get sick of thinking and feeling so I pull out my computer to check email.
I have a note from Leann begging for information. I also have one from Keith, but he just wants an update. I send him one line explaining that nothing has changed.
But Leann I send a message to asking for a visit. This whole Jason situation requires a girl’s input, and some serious distraction. She answers back almost immediately.
Is tomorrow okay?
Yes.
Tomorrow is perfect .
I hit send, thankful that she’ll be here as a buffer after my strange Jason moment.
I Begin to Realize How Stupid I Can Be
I walk out to pick Leann up at just before lunch. Jason stays at the lodge, but sends me with his GPS—this way if I get lost I can call him, and he’ll tell me how to use the stupid thing.
It’s a bit exhilarating to be on the trail in the wilderness by myself, and I make it to the big parking lot with no problem.
Leann isn’t hard to find. Her wild blond hair sticks out over the top of her car.
“Dana!” She hugs me. “It’s so fun to see you out here like this!”
“Yeah.” I look down at the snowmachine I rode out. “Check me out.”
“So you’re not going to kill us or anything are you?” She laughs as she pulls on her helmet.
“No.” I shake my head. “Climb on. I found my way out so I’m sure I can find our way back.”
“Well, that’s not at all terrifying.” She steps on behind me.
It feels good to be around another girl. One that’s now seeing another side of me that she’ll appreciate, and not roll her eyes at. I can’t imagine sharing showmachining or Jason’s lodge with my Northwestern group.
“You made it!” Jason waves from the doorway. He must have been waiting. Maybe worried. It’s very good of him, and makes me feel a surge of something I shouldn’t be feeling.
“He’s cute,” Leann whispers in my ear.
I have nothing to say. He is. Very—especially now that he has a decent haircut.
“No problems at all.” I smile smugly as I pass Jason in the doorway, and then instead of brushing against him the way I would if I’m curious about how a guy feels, I step around him as widely as I can, my heart pounding a little.
I’ve got problems.
“I’m Leann.” She stops, smiles, and holds her hand out to him. She does step too close, gauging his reaction.
I watch Jason carefully for any
“Thanks. I gotta take a shower and get this hair off of me before I go crazy.” He laughs a little, runs his hands through his hair, and shakes it out. I stand still in shock.
Did I just imagine all that? I’m an idiot. I don’t want this. Him.
Do I?
“Okay.” I say weakly. I turn and start to walk to my room without looking back. Crap, when did this happen? How did I like a guy and not even know it? I can’t like Jason. It would be so inconvenient. What kind of girl would choose this? I make it up the stairs to my little purple room and sit down with my palms pressed on my lap afraid to relax.
I don’t like choices where choosing one thing I want will force me to do something I don’t want. Actually, as I think, I can’t remember a time in my life when I’ve had that. Choosing Jason would be like choosing Alaska and a rundown old lodge. Then I wonder if Jason even likes me. I thought we were having some sort of a moment and then he just shakes his hair out and heads for the shower.
Maybe I imagined everything.
I laugh inwardly at myself. I’ve never even given a thought to whether a guy I like, liked me. Not since Clive. I try to wrap my brain around this new knowledge. After a few minutes alone in my room I decide a few things. Jason is simply a nice guy and my brain has run away with that a bit. I’m confused and don’t like feeling confused, but it’s bound to happen when you spend a lot of time with someone. I get sick of thinking and feeling so I pull out my computer to check email.
I have a note from Leann begging for information. I also have one from Keith, but he just wants an update. I send him one line explaining that nothing has changed.
But Leann I send a message to asking for a visit. This whole Jason situation requires a girl’s input, and some serious distraction. She answers back almost immediately.
Is tomorrow okay?
Yes.
Tomorrow is perfect .
I hit send, thankful that she’ll be here as a buffer after my strange Jason moment.
I Begin to Realize How Stupid I Can Be
I walk out to pick Leann up at just before lunch. Jason stays at the lodge, but sends me with his GPS—this way if I get lost I can call him, and he’ll tell me how to use the stupid thing.
It’s a bit exhilarating to be on the trail in the wilderness by myself, and I make it to the big parking lot with no problem.
Leann isn’t hard to find. Her wild blond hair sticks out over the top of her car.
“Dana!” She hugs me. “It’s so fun to see you out here like this!”
“Yeah.” I look down at the snowmachine I rode out. “Check me out.”
“So you’re not going to kill us or anything are you?” She laughs as she pulls on her helmet.
“No.” I shake my head. “Climb on. I found my way out so I’m sure I can find our way back.”
“Well, that’s not at all terrifying.” She steps on behind me.
It feels good to be around another girl. One that’s now seeing another side of me that she’ll appreciate, and not roll her eyes at. I can’t imagine sharing showmachining or Jason’s lodge with my Northwestern group.
“You made it!” Jason waves from the doorway. He must have been waiting. Maybe worried. It’s very good of him, and makes me feel a surge of something I shouldn’t be feeling.
“He’s cute,” Leann whispers in my ear.
I have nothing to say. He is. Very—especially now that he has a decent haircut.
“No problems at all.” I smile smugly as I pass Jason in the doorway, and then instead of brushing against him the way I would if I’m curious about how a guy feels, I step around him as widely as I can, my heart pounding a little.
I’ve got problems.
“I’m Leann.” She stops, smiles, and holds her hand out to him. She does step too close, gauging his reaction.
I watch Jason carefully for any
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