feel up
to going out for dinner, but telling Kyle this would only result in
a humiliating trip to the ER.
I woke up again this morning with horrible
back pain. I was aching all over and every time I peed I felt like
diving into a bathtub full of boiling hot water to stop the burning
sensation. I actually had to do that twice this afternoon. I was
used to the pain in my back but the pee-burn sucked. I wasn't
completely sure if I was on my period or not, but it had been five
days since I called Dr. Bromwick and I was still spotting. I'd
called Dr. Michaels again yesterday, but the secretary I'd spoken
to informed me that he was out of the office for another two weeks
and the only doctor available was Dr. Bromwich…
I spent an unhealthy amount of time on my
phone last night googling my symptoms and after a dozen
heart-stopping, terrifying possible causes for the bleeding, I'd
come to the conclusion that Dr. Bromwick was right about two
things. I was on my period and I was stupid. Incredibly stupid…
I'd also woken up in the middle of the night
screaming my head off and every time I'd tried to close my eyes I'd
been haunted with memories of Cam. Last night's nightmare had been
more disturbing than others. As usual I was back in the kitchen in
Thirteenth Street, holding Cam's lifeless body in my arms, except
last night she'd spoken to me...
"I don't want to die, Lee."
"Don't make me die for you."
"Why are you letting her hurt me?"
"It's you she wants."
She had chanted the same four sentences over
and over until her eyes started to roll back in her head. Then she
had started to cry. That had been the worst part. Her tears were
blood and they'd soaked my body. When I woke the guilt had been so
smothering that I'd felt like I was going to suffocate from the
pain. Kyle hadn't spoken a word when he held me in his arms. He
hadn't tried to shush me or tell me it would be okay. He let me cry
it out and I was grateful for that. He couldn't say anything to
make it better or make the nightmares stop. He couldn't do anything
to change the past. But sleep hadn't come and this morning I
couldn't eat.
"This isn't a setup, is it?" I asked as I
watched Kyle button his blue shirt and tucked the tails of his
shirt into his black pants.
"There's no set up, baby," he said grinning
and for a brief moment I wished he had a vagina just so he could
understand what it felt like to pee razor-blades. "I just want us
to have a nice family meal. Is that so hard to believe?"
Quite frankly it was and I smelled a rat. His
obsession with playing happy families with my mother was upsetting
me. I'd been forgiven for the whole shampoo bottle incident. I was
sorry. I shouldn't have done it, but my actions seemed to have kick
started his fixation with repairing my relationship with my mom. He
re-started the 'talk to your mother' conversation the moment I
opened my eyes this morning and had continued with it on and off
throughout the day. I was fairly certain I would explode if I heard
the words 'that poor woman' come out of his mouth one more
time.
"Come on, princess. Hope's all dressed up and
looking adorable…let's go show her off to Theresa and the girls in
the restaurant." Hit me with the daughter card why don’t
you…
"Fine," I muttered as I grabbed a plain black
dress out of the closet. Easing my string top off, I pulled my
dress on over my head. Stretching hurt my back and I winced when a
stab of pain hit me.
Kyle looked at me for a moment with an odd
expression…a saddened expression before masking his features and
walking over to me. I felt his hands skim my sides and then move
around to my lower back. "I love you," he whispered before placing
a kiss on my shoulder.
My anger evaporated and I sagged against him.
"I'm sorry. I'm just lonely today. Last night Cam…" I stopped.
There was no point dragging up the past or my screwed up dreams. "I
shouldn't take my bad mood out on you."
He slid the fabric of my dress down my body
before moving
to going out for dinner, but telling Kyle this would only result in
a humiliating trip to the ER.
I woke up again this morning with horrible
back pain. I was aching all over and every time I peed I felt like
diving into a bathtub full of boiling hot water to stop the burning
sensation. I actually had to do that twice this afternoon. I was
used to the pain in my back but the pee-burn sucked. I wasn't
completely sure if I was on my period or not, but it had been five
days since I called Dr. Bromwick and I was still spotting. I'd
called Dr. Michaels again yesterday, but the secretary I'd spoken
to informed me that he was out of the office for another two weeks
and the only doctor available was Dr. Bromwich…
I spent an unhealthy amount of time on my
phone last night googling my symptoms and after a dozen
heart-stopping, terrifying possible causes for the bleeding, I'd
come to the conclusion that Dr. Bromwick was right about two
things. I was on my period and I was stupid. Incredibly stupid…
I'd also woken up in the middle of the night
screaming my head off and every time I'd tried to close my eyes I'd
been haunted with memories of Cam. Last night's nightmare had been
more disturbing than others. As usual I was back in the kitchen in
Thirteenth Street, holding Cam's lifeless body in my arms, except
last night she'd spoken to me...
"I don't want to die, Lee."
"Don't make me die for you."
"Why are you letting her hurt me?"
"It's you she wants."
She had chanted the same four sentences over
and over until her eyes started to roll back in her head. Then she
had started to cry. That had been the worst part. Her tears were
blood and they'd soaked my body. When I woke the guilt had been so
smothering that I'd felt like I was going to suffocate from the
pain. Kyle hadn't spoken a word when he held me in his arms. He
hadn't tried to shush me or tell me it would be okay. He let me cry
it out and I was grateful for that. He couldn't say anything to
make it better or make the nightmares stop. He couldn't do anything
to change the past. But sleep hadn't come and this morning I
couldn't eat.
"This isn't a setup, is it?" I asked as I
watched Kyle button his blue shirt and tucked the tails of his
shirt into his black pants.
"There's no set up, baby," he said grinning
and for a brief moment I wished he had a vagina just so he could
understand what it felt like to pee razor-blades. "I just want us
to have a nice family meal. Is that so hard to believe?"
Quite frankly it was and I smelled a rat. His
obsession with playing happy families with my mother was upsetting
me. I'd been forgiven for the whole shampoo bottle incident. I was
sorry. I shouldn't have done it, but my actions seemed to have kick
started his fixation with repairing my relationship with my mom. He
re-started the 'talk to your mother' conversation the moment I
opened my eyes this morning and had continued with it on and off
throughout the day. I was fairly certain I would explode if I heard
the words 'that poor woman' come out of his mouth one more
time.
"Come on, princess. Hope's all dressed up and
looking adorable…let's go show her off to Theresa and the girls in
the restaurant." Hit me with the daughter card why don’t
you…
"Fine," I muttered as I grabbed a plain black
dress out of the closet. Easing my string top off, I pulled my
dress on over my head. Stretching hurt my back and I winced when a
stab of pain hit me.
Kyle looked at me for a moment with an odd
expression…a saddened expression before masking his features and
walking over to me. I felt his hands skim my sides and then move
around to my lower back. "I love you," he whispered before placing
a kiss on my shoulder.
My anger evaporated and I sagged against him.
"I'm sorry. I'm just lonely today. Last night Cam…" I stopped.
There was no point dragging up the past or my screwed up dreams. "I
shouldn't take my bad mood out on you."
He slid the fabric of my dress down my body
before moving
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