am I going to do about Mutual?” asked Jenny hopelessly. “Even my purple hair doesn’t bother him. I just know he’s going to kiss me tonight! I don’t want my first kiss to be with
him
! I want it to be
special
! And I want it to make me a princess!”
“I have an idea,” said her fairy godmother. “Just let me take out my wand.…”
eleven
Unless you’re awfully dumb, you can probably guess that I never had my fairy godmother give me acne and the ability to spray some nasty-smelling mist, like a skunk, to scare Mutual away, like she does in the book. That would have just been plain mean, even if I didn’t like him. The “Jenny” in the book should have been nicer to Mutual, even if he was annoying, and maybe even something of a stalker whose attempts to kiss her could be considered sexual harassment by most courts.
Girls, if you’re being harassed, the thing to do is get a lawyer. Not turn into a weird half-girl, half-skunk creature to gross your stalker out. Remember: it didn’t work for “Jenny.”
I might not have looked like a model or anything on the night of my date with Mutual, but I can guarantee you that I didn’t stink. I took the longest shower of my life and usedup half of my products. Then I spent much longer than usual picking out an outfit. I wanted something sexy, but not, like, so slutty that I’d scare him off. At least it had warmed up enough that I could just wear a jacket and not have to worry about looking like Grimace in a giant coat. The ice had melted, leaving us with deep puddles full of soggy November leaves.
When I drove out to Jason’s, I felt positively elated. I had forgotten all my disappointment that Mutual wasn’t acting like some sort of Superman, and shoved the voice in my head reminding me of the difference between the real Mutual and the fantasy one into its own compartment where I couldn’t hear it.
This was the night I’d been waiting for all my life. The day that made my life up until that point worth it.
I could think of every bad thing that had ever happened to me—every bad day, every time my crowded schedule seemed to be keeping me from having a social life, everything—and how it had led me to this place.
Mutual came out of Jason’s house wearing a plain black T-shirt and looking even more nervous than usual. I was nervous, too.
Jason got into the backseat and motioned Mutual into the front.
“Hi, Mutual,” I said.
“Hi,” he said. He was blushing already. It was pretty cute, really.
We drove out to Amber’s parents’ ranch to pick her up, and she promptly made out with Jason a little bit, kicking my seat in the process to get my attention and suggest that it might be a good time for Mutual and me to do the same.
Mutual and I looked at each other, but we both just sort of smiled nervously, and I started to drive.
“Did you ever go into downtown Des Moines when you lived in Preston?” I asked.
“Not that I remember,” he said. “As far as I know, my first time there was yesterday, when I took the cab from there to Jason’s. I think it’s about the same size as Anchorage, though. I went there a couple times. And all the radio stations came out of there.”
Man, it was weird to hear him using contractions.
Jason passed me up a tape he’d made of old metal songs that Mutual knew—my car only had a tape player. I didn’t really know any of the songs myself, but hearing Mutual and Jason sing along at the top of their lungs was fun.
Between songs, Mutual threw back his head and laughed. He seemed as though he was finally coming up for air after being underwater for years—like he was coming out of his shell, just the way I’d hoped he would.
“Oh wow,” he said. “I could never cut loose like that at the farm. I had to listen to the radio really quietly on headphones that I hid under my mattress. I never got to sing along!”
“You have a good voice,” I said. “You could totally be a singer.”
“Beats being a
him
! I want it to be
special
! And I want it to make me a princess!”
“I have an idea,” said her fairy godmother. “Just let me take out my wand.…”
eleven
Unless you’re awfully dumb, you can probably guess that I never had my fairy godmother give me acne and the ability to spray some nasty-smelling mist, like a skunk, to scare Mutual away, like she does in the book. That would have just been plain mean, even if I didn’t like him. The “Jenny” in the book should have been nicer to Mutual, even if he was annoying, and maybe even something of a stalker whose attempts to kiss her could be considered sexual harassment by most courts.
Girls, if you’re being harassed, the thing to do is get a lawyer. Not turn into a weird half-girl, half-skunk creature to gross your stalker out. Remember: it didn’t work for “Jenny.”
I might not have looked like a model or anything on the night of my date with Mutual, but I can guarantee you that I didn’t stink. I took the longest shower of my life and usedup half of my products. Then I spent much longer than usual picking out an outfit. I wanted something sexy, but not, like, so slutty that I’d scare him off. At least it had warmed up enough that I could just wear a jacket and not have to worry about looking like Grimace in a giant coat. The ice had melted, leaving us with deep puddles full of soggy November leaves.
When I drove out to Jason’s, I felt positively elated. I had forgotten all my disappointment that Mutual wasn’t acting like some sort of Superman, and shoved the voice in my head reminding me of the difference between the real Mutual and the fantasy one into its own compartment where I couldn’t hear it.
This was the night I’d been waiting for all my life. The day that made my life up until that point worth it.
I could think of every bad thing that had ever happened to me—every bad day, every time my crowded schedule seemed to be keeping me from having a social life, everything—and how it had led me to this place.
Mutual came out of Jason’s house wearing a plain black T-shirt and looking even more nervous than usual. I was nervous, too.
Jason got into the backseat and motioned Mutual into the front.
“Hi, Mutual,” I said.
“Hi,” he said. He was blushing already. It was pretty cute, really.
We drove out to Amber’s parents’ ranch to pick her up, and she promptly made out with Jason a little bit, kicking my seat in the process to get my attention and suggest that it might be a good time for Mutual and me to do the same.
Mutual and I looked at each other, but we both just sort of smiled nervously, and I started to drive.
“Did you ever go into downtown Des Moines when you lived in Preston?” I asked.
“Not that I remember,” he said. “As far as I know, my first time there was yesterday, when I took the cab from there to Jason’s. I think it’s about the same size as Anchorage, though. I went there a couple times. And all the radio stations came out of there.”
Man, it was weird to hear him using contractions.
Jason passed me up a tape he’d made of old metal songs that Mutual knew—my car only had a tape player. I didn’t really know any of the songs myself, but hearing Mutual and Jason sing along at the top of their lungs was fun.
Between songs, Mutual threw back his head and laughed. He seemed as though he was finally coming up for air after being underwater for years—like he was coming out of his shell, just the way I’d hoped he would.
“Oh wow,” he said. “I could never cut loose like that at the farm. I had to listen to the radio really quietly on headphones that I hid under my mattress. I never got to sing along!”
“You have a good voice,” I said. “You could totally be a singer.”
“Beats being a
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