Rotterdam forNew York on April 21, 1896. I had two weeks to prepare.
Without a word, I swept Sophie into my arms and tossed the envelope into her empty carriage, then set out across the muddy pasture toward the ancient beech tree near the creek. It had been a favorite refuge for Emil and me when we were children. We would scramble up its low-hanging branches like monkeys, fearlessly ascending to the very top for a glimpse of the village church steeples and the distant Rhine, snaking through the valley. One of our favorite games—one we made up—was called Someday .
“ Someday I’m going to marry a handsome baron,” I would say.
“ Someday I’m going to hunt lions in darkest Africa,” Emil would say.
Unlike Emil, I had never longed to wander very far from home in my Someday dreams. Now my one-way ticket to America had arrived, and I didn’t know what to do. How I longed to be a child again, to return to the innocent days when Emil and I shared our dreams of the future. But I couldn’t turn back the calendar any more than I could climb the tree wearing a long skirt and carrying Sophie in my arms.
If I stayed in Germany, I could probably apply for a divorce. After all, Friedrich had abandoned us eight months ago, hadn’t he? He had broken the law by failing to report for the draft and by leaving Germany illegally. But was divorce the best choice for my daughter?
Sophie gnawed contentedly on my knuckle as she tried to work another tiny tooth through her gum. It was so quiet in the pasture that when someone approached, crossing the field behind me, I clearly heard the sound of footsteps rustling through the grass even before I turned to see who it was. I was hoping it was Emil, but I faced my father instead.
“What are you doing way out here, Louise? Don’t you know it’s dinnertime? Your mother is calling for you. Everything is on the table.”
He looked tired, his broad shoulders sloping as if he wore weights on his wrists. For the first time, I noticed how much he had aged this past year, especially since Kurt and Friedrich had left. Papa hated it when Mama or any of the rest of us fussed over him, but I tenderly brushed wisps of loose straw from his jacket.
“I’m sorry, Papa. I needed to be alone for a while, to think. I’m trying to decide what to do.”
“What do you mean decide ? What’s to decide?”
“Well . . . whether I’m going to stay here or go to America.”
Papa’s mouth worked, his lips pursing and unpursing as if he were chewing on something. It was a habit of his, whenever he battled his emotions. Aftera moment his back went stiff again, and he lifted his chin in the air. When he spoke, his voice was rigid as well.
“There is no decision to make. You cannot stay here. You cannot live in my house any longer.”
“Papa! You don’t mean it!”
“Of course I mean it! You are Friedrich’s wife. You belong with him. That’s the end of it.”
“You would force me to leave home?”
“Didn’t you hear me? This isn’t your home anymore. You’re a married woman now. It has been this way all through the ages—Sarah went with Abraham, Rebekah left her family, Rachel and Leah left their home—and you must leave too.”
“Papa, no!”
“Oh yes! You stood in God’s house and made a vow before Him that you would honor and obey your husband until separated by death. That wasn’t just an idle promise, Louise. You vowed before God.”
“I didn’t know Friedrich would decide to move to America, or I never would have married him. I never would have vowed—”
“But you did vow. For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer. What God has joined can never be sundered.”
“You wouldn’t force me to leave against my will . . . I’m your daughter!”
“Not anymore.” Some of the sternness had faded from his voice, replaced by sorrow. “I gave you away to your husband at your wedding, remember? Just as you and Friedrich must one day give Sophie away.”
I
Without a word, I swept Sophie into my arms and tossed the envelope into her empty carriage, then set out across the muddy pasture toward the ancient beech tree near the creek. It had been a favorite refuge for Emil and me when we were children. We would scramble up its low-hanging branches like monkeys, fearlessly ascending to the very top for a glimpse of the village church steeples and the distant Rhine, snaking through the valley. One of our favorite games—one we made up—was called Someday .
“ Someday I’m going to marry a handsome baron,” I would say.
“ Someday I’m going to hunt lions in darkest Africa,” Emil would say.
Unlike Emil, I had never longed to wander very far from home in my Someday dreams. Now my one-way ticket to America had arrived, and I didn’t know what to do. How I longed to be a child again, to return to the innocent days when Emil and I shared our dreams of the future. But I couldn’t turn back the calendar any more than I could climb the tree wearing a long skirt and carrying Sophie in my arms.
If I stayed in Germany, I could probably apply for a divorce. After all, Friedrich had abandoned us eight months ago, hadn’t he? He had broken the law by failing to report for the draft and by leaving Germany illegally. But was divorce the best choice for my daughter?
Sophie gnawed contentedly on my knuckle as she tried to work another tiny tooth through her gum. It was so quiet in the pasture that when someone approached, crossing the field behind me, I clearly heard the sound of footsteps rustling through the grass even before I turned to see who it was. I was hoping it was Emil, but I faced my father instead.
“What are you doing way out here, Louise? Don’t you know it’s dinnertime? Your mother is calling for you. Everything is on the table.”
He looked tired, his broad shoulders sloping as if he wore weights on his wrists. For the first time, I noticed how much he had aged this past year, especially since Kurt and Friedrich had left. Papa hated it when Mama or any of the rest of us fussed over him, but I tenderly brushed wisps of loose straw from his jacket.
“I’m sorry, Papa. I needed to be alone for a while, to think. I’m trying to decide what to do.”
“What do you mean decide ? What’s to decide?”
“Well . . . whether I’m going to stay here or go to America.”
Papa’s mouth worked, his lips pursing and unpursing as if he were chewing on something. It was a habit of his, whenever he battled his emotions. Aftera moment his back went stiff again, and he lifted his chin in the air. When he spoke, his voice was rigid as well.
“There is no decision to make. You cannot stay here. You cannot live in my house any longer.”
“Papa! You don’t mean it!”
“Of course I mean it! You are Friedrich’s wife. You belong with him. That’s the end of it.”
“You would force me to leave home?”
“Didn’t you hear me? This isn’t your home anymore. You’re a married woman now. It has been this way all through the ages—Sarah went with Abraham, Rebekah left her family, Rachel and Leah left their home—and you must leave too.”
“Papa, no!”
“Oh yes! You stood in God’s house and made a vow before Him that you would honor and obey your husband until separated by death. That wasn’t just an idle promise, Louise. You vowed before God.”
“I didn’t know Friedrich would decide to move to America, or I never would have married him. I never would have vowed—”
“But you did vow. For better or for worse, for richer or for poorer. What God has joined can never be sundered.”
“You wouldn’t force me to leave against my will . . . I’m your daughter!”
“Not anymore.” Some of the sternness had faded from his voice, replaced by sorrow. “I gave you away to your husband at your wedding, remember? Just as you and Friedrich must one day give Sophie away.”
I
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