Every You, Every Me by David Levithan Page B

me. It’s not. It’s not.
    “Evan,” Katie said, calmer. “We just want to know why you did it.”
    “No one believes me,” you said. “No one ever believes me.”
    Jack leaned down again to me. I tried to look away, but he grabbed my chin, forced me to look at him.
    I don’t want to be the center of attention.
    “You might think you were doing some kind of revenge,” he said, “but let me tell you—she would hate you for it. She never would have done this to any of us. Even at her worst.”
    I don’t want to be the center of anything.
    The second bell rang, marking the start of homeroom. I stayed slumped against the tree, pain radiating throughout my body.
    “I’m through with you,” Jack said. “Do you understand? Completely through.”
    I nodded, but he wasn’t even looking. He was already walking away.
    “You need help,” Katie said, and the tone of her voice made it unclear whether or not she was offering it herself.
    “I didn’t do it,” I said. “That’s what she wants you to think.”
    “She’s gone, Evan.”
    But I wasn’t talking about you.
    I was talking about your avenger.

20A
    I had to find her. My only way out was to find her.

20B
    It’s you. You deserve this. There is a reason this is happening to you.

20C
    I didn’t go to homeroom. I didn’t go to class.
    I walked through the halls.
    Looking for her.

20D
    “You’re not going to find me,” you said. “You’ll never find me.”
    No. Not said. Not past tense.
    You were saying it now.

20E
    If she submitted that photo to the literary magazine as a way of trapping me If she broke into my locker If she could follow me so closely … she had to be somewhere in this school.
    if if if if
    “Only thing is, she doesn’t exist.”
    Stop it, Jack. You don’t know.

20F
    During first period, I went to my own locker.
    There was something waiting for me.

    “Who are you? ” I screamed. are you doing this to me? WHY are you doing this to me?
    There was no response note, no time to meet her, no hint at where to go.

20G
    If it had been you, people would have noticed. People would all be talking about you coming back.

20H
    I checked my email.
      this is it.
      this is what it feels like to be helpless.

20I
    I peered into every classroom. I didn’t care which teachers saw me.
    You deserve this. You deserve this. You deserve this.
    “Take my picture,” you said.
    So I lined up the old camera.
    “Is there film in this?” I asked.
    Fiona found me between third and fourth periods.
    “What’s going on?” she asked.
    “Nothing,” I said. How could I begin to tell her?
    “Evan—” She put her hand on my shoulder. Or tried to.
    I ducked away. “It’s nothing, Fiona.”
    I am not the center of attention.
    “You can’t …”
    “What, Fiona? What can’t I do?”
    “You can’t do this alone.”
    “You know what?” I said. “I’ve been doing it alone ever since they took Ariel away.”
    away    gone      exiled      over
    “What do you mean?” Fiona asked, too much concern in her voice. I couldn’t take it.
    “I don’t have to explain!” I shouted, pulling away from her.
    I am not the center of anything.

20J
    The avenger had to eat lunch, and since there was only one hallway leading to the cafeteria, I stationed myself there for all the lunch periods. She had been at school this morning to put the photo in Jack’s locker. She had to be here now.
    People noticed me sitting in the hallway. I had a book open, to pretend to be studying. But really I was studying them. All the patterns that you found incomprehensible. All the patterns that overwhelmed you. You thought they spelled the Truth. And I’d believed you, far longer than I should have .
    Red shirt. Blue shirt. White shirt. Black shirt.
    First lunch period came: nothing.
    Blue shirt. White shirt. Black shirt. Black shirt. Blue shirt.
    Second lunch period came: When I saw Jack, Katie, and Fiona, I looked down,