Evernight (The Night Watchmen Series Book 2) by Candace Knoebel Page B

such a good liar. I didn’t realize just how little I really know about myself. Just how far I can be pushed to do things I swore only yesterday I would never do.
    “Good, so then let’s say… an hour from now, we meet back at the taco stand?” Gavin asks, throwing his arm over Cassie’s shoulder. She leans into him, wrapping her arm around his waist.
    “Ugh, not tacos again,” Jezi protests, unzipping the top of her uniform just enough to show a little bit of cleavage. “Why don’t we try sushi?”
    “Hell no,” Gavin says with disgust, sticking out his tongue.
    A few of the Elites in training walking past us slow and stare at Jezi, their eyes crawling up and down her frame. I think she likes it, because she flicks her hair back over her shoulder and smiles in their direction.
    Jaxen doesn’t seem to notice. His eyes are still on me, still trying to figure out my earlier distress.
    “There’s got to be a vendor who sells Chinese and sushi,” Cassie says. “Let’s meet in the middle.”
    “Fine. Whatever,” Gavin says, and then he and Cassie head past us for the front door.
    The three of us follow behind them, heading back to our rooms. Jaxen doesn’t say another word about my earlier state of mind, and I’m glad for it because I’m not so sure I could continue with the lies.
    “Where’s Weldon?” I ask when we make it into the building. I want to think about everyone else and their problems… because mine are like hundred-pound weights that I’m too weak to carry. They’re like snares planted by Clara, just waiting for me to step into.
    “He left early,” Jezi says. “He didn’t see eye to eye with the instructors, so they dismissed him for the day to get himself in check. The usual shit he pulls.”
    “Is he all right?” I ask, wondering where he could be. Thinking about how he was treated this morning.
    “He’s fine,” Jaxen says shortly. “He knows the drill when it comes to these people better than all of us put together. He can handle himself.”
    Gavin pushes the button for the elevator, and a minute later, we all get in. Silence fills the empty space around us, and I’m glad for it. I feel like I can actually breathe in it.
    When the doors slide open, we each go our separate way. Jaxen stops outside my door, his hand pressed against the frame just over my head. “Are you sure you’re okay?” he asks, running his other hand down the side of my face.
    My eyes are pinned on the door across from my room as so many words tumble through my head. I squeeze my eyes shut, swearing my silence even though I want to say to him, No, I’m not okay. I don’t think I’ll ever be okay again. I don’t think the world will ever look quite as bright now that I know. Now that a price has been set on your head… and that price is my obedience. My compliance. My conformity.
    But I don’t utter a single word, because I can’t.
    So I nod, and this time it’s easier to lie. It’s easier when I can see the imprint Clara left so clearly on my mind. The red dot on the back of his head. The blood spilling from his smile.
    He sighs, and then leans in for a kiss, and in that brief, rare moment, I feel like there isn’t a single thing in the world that could take this away. That could remove this happiness from my heart. Jaxen is safe. My friends are safe. Clara thinks she has me under control, and though it must stay that way until I can be free from her, it isn’t permanent.
    Because this has to be a temporary situation, right?

 
     
    I DON’T KNOW WHO I am anymore.
    Two weeks pass by, and in that time, I manage to lose the person I used to be in a crowd of paralyzing demands. I manage to forget how to laugh. How to have hope and faith in the people around me, like it’s some kind of skill that if not practiced daily, it’ll simply be forgotten.
    Gone forever.
    And now… now Jaxen’s words haunt my every thought. “Sometimes, hate is all you have to hold on to, Faye. Sometimes, it’s the