PlayStation the very next day.
Afterward, Claudia and Rubio decided to pack up more than their share of the leftovers and head home. They hugged me goodbye—yes, both of them—and I thought it was a little strange. I went with it, though. I could be a hugger… maybe. No, it was weird.
“If we were in The States, you could buy one on the cheap tomorrow. Too bad Spain doesn’t celebrate Black Friday,” Livvie said as she turned the faucet on and began washing dishes.
“What the hell is that?” I asked and opened the dishwasher.
“It’s a sacred tradition where thousands of hoarders camp outside stores and then bludgeon their neighbors for the best prices on PlayStations and iPads. I used to go with my mom.” She shrugged.
“I think I’ll just order one on the computer. Unless you would find it romantic for me to bludgeon your neighbors?” I smiled. Livvie laughed.
“Hmmm… maybe. Let’s see who complains about the loud rock music.” She shoved me with her shoulder. “You did good today. My friends are a little in love with you, I think.”
I felt a strange pang in my chest.
“I did my best. They seem nice. Claudia is a little too friendly, and I don’t understand how Rubio does anything in those skinny pants, but they obviously love you. You’re very lucky, Kitten.” I paused. “There seems to be no shortage of people who love you.”
Livvie was scouring a pot and didn’t meet my eyes.
“Caleb,” she sighed.
“I like James. Maybe you should call me that. Less chance you’ll slip around your friends. I could call you Sophia. We could, I don’t know… pretend. We could pretend to be normal… together. I’m not wearing those skinny jeans, though.” I tried to keep the conversation light. We’d had such a great day and I didn’t want to ruin it.
Livvie handed me the pot for rinsing.
“I’ve been thinking about that. I think… it could be a good idea. It might sound weird, but when they changed my name I felt free to become someone else. Livvie was a sad girl. She cared too much about things that didn’t matter and let people take advantage of her. Sophia is self-aware and she doesn’t take shit from anyone.”
I didn’t care for her words.
“You never took shit from anyone. You’re the strongest person I know. Stronger than me.” I swallowed. “But I know what you mean. Rafiq started calling me Caleb after he…” I couldn’t say the word rescued. Rafiq had never rescued me. “I used to be called something far less flattering.”
Livvie handed me another dish and moved closer to me. Our arms brushed whenever we moved.
“What was it?”
I mentioned the name in Arabic.
“That doesn’t sound bad. What’s wrong with it?”
I had to laugh to keep from feeling everything else.
“It means dog. My name was dog.” I took the dish Livvie had been washing from her hands and rinsed it before putting it in the dishwasher. I didn’t want to acknowledge her shock.
“Why would anyone…? The world is fucking disgusting.” She stopped washing dishes and put her arms around my waist from behind. “I think you’re a miracle, James. I think you deserve to be happy. We both do.”
I kept washing dishes.
“I don’t know if you’re right, Sophia. I know you deserve to be happy. I know you deserve someone… better, but I’m selfish. I want you. I want you bad enough to try and be someone better.
“That said, it wouldn’t surprise me if you decided it was too little, too late. I won’t be here a second longer than you want me to be. I promise.” I didn’t mention the part where I’d lose my fucking mind. I wasn’t sure what I would do if Livvie didn’t want to be with me. I didn’t necessarily have anything to go back to except killing and smuggling. Was I a better person? Maybe not. I was only better when I was living for her. I felt like a time-bomb.
“Then I’m selfish too, because I want you just as much. I know it’s been odd between us. How could it
Afterward, Claudia and Rubio decided to pack up more than their share of the leftovers and head home. They hugged me goodbye—yes, both of them—and I thought it was a little strange. I went with it, though. I could be a hugger… maybe. No, it was weird.
“If we were in The States, you could buy one on the cheap tomorrow. Too bad Spain doesn’t celebrate Black Friday,” Livvie said as she turned the faucet on and began washing dishes.
“What the hell is that?” I asked and opened the dishwasher.
“It’s a sacred tradition where thousands of hoarders camp outside stores and then bludgeon their neighbors for the best prices on PlayStations and iPads. I used to go with my mom.” She shrugged.
“I think I’ll just order one on the computer. Unless you would find it romantic for me to bludgeon your neighbors?” I smiled. Livvie laughed.
“Hmmm… maybe. Let’s see who complains about the loud rock music.” She shoved me with her shoulder. “You did good today. My friends are a little in love with you, I think.”
I felt a strange pang in my chest.
“I did my best. They seem nice. Claudia is a little too friendly, and I don’t understand how Rubio does anything in those skinny pants, but they obviously love you. You’re very lucky, Kitten.” I paused. “There seems to be no shortage of people who love you.”
Livvie was scouring a pot and didn’t meet my eyes.
“Caleb,” she sighed.
“I like James. Maybe you should call me that. Less chance you’ll slip around your friends. I could call you Sophia. We could, I don’t know… pretend. We could pretend to be normal… together. I’m not wearing those skinny jeans, though.” I tried to keep the conversation light. We’d had such a great day and I didn’t want to ruin it.
Livvie handed me the pot for rinsing.
“I’ve been thinking about that. I think… it could be a good idea. It might sound weird, but when they changed my name I felt free to become someone else. Livvie was a sad girl. She cared too much about things that didn’t matter and let people take advantage of her. Sophia is self-aware and she doesn’t take shit from anyone.”
I didn’t care for her words.
“You never took shit from anyone. You’re the strongest person I know. Stronger than me.” I swallowed. “But I know what you mean. Rafiq started calling me Caleb after he…” I couldn’t say the word rescued. Rafiq had never rescued me. “I used to be called something far less flattering.”
Livvie handed me another dish and moved closer to me. Our arms brushed whenever we moved.
“What was it?”
I mentioned the name in Arabic.
“That doesn’t sound bad. What’s wrong with it?”
I had to laugh to keep from feeling everything else.
“It means dog. My name was dog.” I took the dish Livvie had been washing from her hands and rinsed it before putting it in the dishwasher. I didn’t want to acknowledge her shock.
“Why would anyone…? The world is fucking disgusting.” She stopped washing dishes and put her arms around my waist from behind. “I think you’re a miracle, James. I think you deserve to be happy. We both do.”
I kept washing dishes.
“I don’t know if you’re right, Sophia. I know you deserve to be happy. I know you deserve someone… better, but I’m selfish. I want you. I want you bad enough to try and be someone better.
“That said, it wouldn’t surprise me if you decided it was too little, too late. I won’t be here a second longer than you want me to be. I promise.” I didn’t mention the part where I’d lose my fucking mind. I wasn’t sure what I would do if Livvie didn’t want to be with me. I didn’t necessarily have anything to go back to except killing and smuggling. Was I a better person? Maybe not. I was only better when I was living for her. I felt like a time-bomb.
“Then I’m selfish too, because I want you just as much. I know it’s been odd between us. How could it
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