in the face for weeks now.
Goddammit, it’s official. I feel like I have a girlfriend. Jesus fucking Christ.
**
“So,” Emma said, trying to stay calm. “I haven’t responded to the chemo.”
Jenny reached out and took her one hand; Liv gripped the other. Kat stood up and moved behind her. She didn’t touch Emma, but Emma knew she was there.
“I’m sorry.” Doctor Hal Fife shook his head. “No. You haven’t.”
“Has the cancer spread?” Liv asked.
“I don’t know.” Hal looked down. “We need to do some tests, OK?”
Emma breathed out. “A lumbar puncture?”
“Yes,” he said.
“A what?” Jenny said.
“It’s also called a spinal tap,” Emma told her.
“Oh. What’s it test for?”
“To see if the cancer has spread to my central nervous system.”
“Right,” Hal said. “Specifically, to see if it’s in your spine.”
“Or brain,” Kat said quietly.
“Yes. That’s correct.”
A heavy silence descended on the small room.
Emma blinked back tears. “OK. So when so we do the puncture?”
“As soon as possible. Can you come in tomorrow?”
“Of course.” She wiped her eyes. “How long does it take?”
“Oh, the procedure itself takes about an hour…”
“Wait,” Liv said. “She’s going to have a needle jammed in her spine for an hour ?”
“No. The needle is in for less than a minute, but we have to freeze the area and then check for Emma’s recovery after. The whole thing takes an hour – including set-up, prep and follow-up.”
The women relaxed.
“And I can go home after?” Emma said.
“Yes. It’s an outpatient procedure. You’ll be sore after, probably have some bruising, maybe experience a bad headache. But that’s it for side-effects. OK?”
She nodded. “OK.”
“So come to the clinic tomorrow at one o’clock. As soon as the results are in, I’ll call you to come back and see me.”
Emma stood up. “Thank you, Doctor Fife.”
“I’m sorry the news isn’t better, Emma.”
She shook her head. “Five rounds of chemo, eleven different drugs, over fifteen weeks… I guess we need to have a sixth cycle next week? Even more aggressive?”
“Honestly, Emma, I think the time has come to think about stem cell transplant.”
Jenny gasped.
Emma started. “What, already?”
“Your leukemia is very aggressive, Emma, far more than anybody anticipated. We’ll definitely do more chemo, of course, but I don’t think it’s the answer. Not for you.”
“So, I need bone marrow from a donor.”
“Yes.”
“How hard is it to get a match?” Liv asked.
Doctor Fife sighed. “It’s – challenging.”
“It’s difficult,” Emma said quietly. “The best chance is a sibling, but I’m an only child. The next best chance is someone in my family, but there’s about a thirty percent chance that I’ll find a match. My best shot is the national bone marrow program.”
“OK,” Kat said. “So… let’s get you in the program. Right?”
“Right,” Hal tried to look reassuring. “This is a long way from over, ladies. Let’s get you on that list, Emma, and we’ll take it from there.”
They all nodded, but for the first time since Emma’s diagnosis just over four months earlier, they were less than reassured. They were, in fact, completely terrified. They had all been so sure that the chemotherapy was the answer, and the fact that it was failing was a shock.
My God, Liv thought. Shit just got real. Really real.
She took Emma’s hand, wincing at how small and cold it was.
“Come, on, Em,” she said gently. “Let’s get you home, OK?”
“Yeah.” Emma was barely able to speak. It came to her that she wanted Dean there with her, whispering comforting things and holding her close. “Yeah. Home.”
**
Liv sat on the sofa, listening to Emma’s breathing in the master bedroom. It was slow and steady and Liv relaxed, knowing that Emma was finally out.
The spinal tap had gone well earlier that day, and besides some bruising,
Goddammit, it’s official. I feel like I have a girlfriend. Jesus fucking Christ.
**
“So,” Emma said, trying to stay calm. “I haven’t responded to the chemo.”
Jenny reached out and took her one hand; Liv gripped the other. Kat stood up and moved behind her. She didn’t touch Emma, but Emma knew she was there.
“I’m sorry.” Doctor Hal Fife shook his head. “No. You haven’t.”
“Has the cancer spread?” Liv asked.
“I don’t know.” Hal looked down. “We need to do some tests, OK?”
Emma breathed out. “A lumbar puncture?”
“Yes,” he said.
“A what?” Jenny said.
“It’s also called a spinal tap,” Emma told her.
“Oh. What’s it test for?”
“To see if the cancer has spread to my central nervous system.”
“Right,” Hal said. “Specifically, to see if it’s in your spine.”
“Or brain,” Kat said quietly.
“Yes. That’s correct.”
A heavy silence descended on the small room.
Emma blinked back tears. “OK. So when so we do the puncture?”
“As soon as possible. Can you come in tomorrow?”
“Of course.” She wiped her eyes. “How long does it take?”
“Oh, the procedure itself takes about an hour…”
“Wait,” Liv said. “She’s going to have a needle jammed in her spine for an hour ?”
“No. The needle is in for less than a minute, but we have to freeze the area and then check for Emma’s recovery after. The whole thing takes an hour – including set-up, prep and follow-up.”
The women relaxed.
“And I can go home after?” Emma said.
“Yes. It’s an outpatient procedure. You’ll be sore after, probably have some bruising, maybe experience a bad headache. But that’s it for side-effects. OK?”
She nodded. “OK.”
“So come to the clinic tomorrow at one o’clock. As soon as the results are in, I’ll call you to come back and see me.”
Emma stood up. “Thank you, Doctor Fife.”
“I’m sorry the news isn’t better, Emma.”
She shook her head. “Five rounds of chemo, eleven different drugs, over fifteen weeks… I guess we need to have a sixth cycle next week? Even more aggressive?”
“Honestly, Emma, I think the time has come to think about stem cell transplant.”
Jenny gasped.
Emma started. “What, already?”
“Your leukemia is very aggressive, Emma, far more than anybody anticipated. We’ll definitely do more chemo, of course, but I don’t think it’s the answer. Not for you.”
“So, I need bone marrow from a donor.”
“Yes.”
“How hard is it to get a match?” Liv asked.
Doctor Fife sighed. “It’s – challenging.”
“It’s difficult,” Emma said quietly. “The best chance is a sibling, but I’m an only child. The next best chance is someone in my family, but there’s about a thirty percent chance that I’ll find a match. My best shot is the national bone marrow program.”
“OK,” Kat said. “So… let’s get you in the program. Right?”
“Right,” Hal tried to look reassuring. “This is a long way from over, ladies. Let’s get you on that list, Emma, and we’ll take it from there.”
They all nodded, but for the first time since Emma’s diagnosis just over four months earlier, they were less than reassured. They were, in fact, completely terrified. They had all been so sure that the chemotherapy was the answer, and the fact that it was failing was a shock.
My God, Liv thought. Shit just got real. Really real.
She took Emma’s hand, wincing at how small and cold it was.
“Come, on, Em,” she said gently. “Let’s get you home, OK?”
“Yeah.” Emma was barely able to speak. It came to her that she wanted Dean there with her, whispering comforting things and holding her close. “Yeah. Home.”
**
Liv sat on the sofa, listening to Emma’s breathing in the master bedroom. It was slow and steady and Liv relaxed, knowing that Emma was finally out.
The spinal tap had gone well earlier that day, and besides some bruising,
Similar Books
