Embrace by Melissa Toppen Page A

hesitation and the two deep breathes that he takes before speaking, that whatever he's about to say is not something he's used to talking about.
                  “I've never been in love before Grace, but that doesn't mean I haven't wanted. I have wanted in ways that I had no right to. I have only ever been really involved with one other person. As far as something you might classify as a relationship. I didn't bother to question whether she wanted me, I just assumed she did. I was a stupid kid.” He says, shaking his head and turning his eyes to the ceiling.
                  Deciding that I can't just let this go and that getting him to open up to me might be exactly what we both need, I continue to push for more.
                  “Hey.” I say, waiting for him to meet my eyes again before continuing. “Tell me.” I plead softly, trying to give him the reassurance he needs in my voice.
                  “It's stupid.” He says, shrugging his shoulders lightly. When I don't break my contact with him, he lets out a loud sigh and looks back up at the ceiling but surprisingly he continues.
                  “When I was seventeen I became involved with my best friend's girlfriend. I know how wrong that was now but back then... Well, I was blinded by lust and greed and fueled by jealously. I wanted what they had so I tried to steal it. I tried to convince myself that it wasn't wrong because she wanted me just as much as I wanted her. That it meant the same to her.” He takes a deep breath and then continues.
                  “It had been going on for months. Everyday me and Chad would hang out at school, play basketball at his parents, race our cars through the old abandoned horse track a couple of miles outside of town. Just the typical stupid shit teenage boys do. But then I would make some lame excuse about needing to be home early and I would bail on him. Only I didn't go home, I went to see her.”
                  “I knew that eventually things would come out but I held on to the ridiculousness that I could continue to do whatever I wanted for however long I wanted and it was okay because I was who she wanted, not him. He was the one she pranced around with, the boy that her parents approved of. I was too cocky, too rough around the edges for someone as classy as her. What a fucking joke.” He lets out a rough laugh.
                  “What happened?” I ask when he falls silent for a moment.
                  “She got pregnant.” He says, exhaling loudly. “She told me first. Said it was mine. But when I tried to take responsibility, she shut me down. She said I couldn't be the father even if biologically the child was mine. That Chad would leave her and her parents would disown her. She was prepared to walk away and let another man raise my child because even she didn't think I was good enough. I thought she wanted me, I thought I was enough for her. Turns out, I wasn't.”
                  “Eventually the truth came out. I was so angry and hurt by her actions that I wanted to hurt her just as deeply. In reality I hurt myself a lot more. My father barely spoke to me for weeks after she finally admitted the truth. He just kept saying how I threw my future away on a girl who would never settle for someone like me. Chad, obviously, never spoke to me again. Of course that was after he walked right up to me the next day and clocked me right in the jaw. Can't say I blame him, I kind of had it coming.”
                  “And the baby?” I can't help but ask, mildly panicking over the fact that he just told me he got a girl pregnant but never having made any mention of a child in his life.
                  “She lost it a few weeks later.” His eyes flick away from mine for a moment before finding my face again.
                  “So you're worried that I don't