straightening as she went. These Saturday no-mind jobs, as she referred to housework, relaxed her and gave her a chance to think. Usually she mulled over some thorny story problem, but today, her sexual frustration was the only thing on her mind.
And when Andi called, that frustration spilled out onto her best friend.
“Well, it’s affecting my work… Do you know, I actually wrote a scene today that…”
Her voice trailed off. No, she could not even tell her best friend her fantasies. Even as she wrote the pages this morning, her cheeks burned with shame and humiliation. How could she want to be treated this way?
“Never mind, it wasn’t well-written anyway.” She sighed as she dusted a photo of her husband. Jack grinned that rakish grin of his, his arm around her shoulders in a protective embrace. She remembered that moment. Jack had received a book award and the two of them attended the ceremony. As they were leaving, a fan came up to her and had been rather pushy about getting an autograph. His eyes, however, had not been on her face. Instead, he had leered at her breasts, the tops of which showed in the scarlet slinky dress Jack had purchased for her. The nakedness of her cleavage made her uncomfortable, yet Jessica wore it to please him. Only recently had she begun to recognize her giving in as an indication of her submissive tendencies and it still confused her.
Jack had put his arm around her, drawing her close, and she had seen a flash of anger in his eyes. It had surprised her; she had never seen him angry. In fact, it was the 70
Writers Unblocked
only time she had ever seen such a strong emotion from him. But the photographers were there and by the time they were in the hired limo, his demeanor was placid once more.
“No, never mind, Andi. I’m just being cranky, that’s all. Seriously. I just need a good fucking, that’s all.” She laughed, shocked at her own use of language. “I know, too much information.”
She set the picture down, free of dust, and moved on. The conversation also moved to safer topics and Jessica felt as if she had dodged a bullet. It was hard enough admitting these feelings to herself. How could she ever admit them to anyone else?
Only later, sitting at her computer once more and reading over the graphic scene she had written, did Jessica finally confront what she had spent years running away from. As an independent, woman who made a good living for herself and her husband, she was a thoroughly modern American Woman; but just under the surface lurked another woman. That was the woman who wanted to submit, who wanted to be taken care of, who wanted to live on the edge of virtual slavery. While she didn’t take care of the money, Jessica felt it was important for her to provide her share. Thus, she worked as an English teacher at the local high school, even though she’d much rather stay home and write full-time like he did. So why would a woman who rarely gave in and who was in total control of herself want exactly the opposite when it came to the bedroom? It didn’t make sense.
Or did it? Wasn’t the giving up of control in essence, also the giving up of responsibility? She controlled every aspect of her life, from what to have for dinner to what book she would write next. She did the lion’s share of the housework although Jack had his set of chores as well. Outside was his responsibility; inside was hers. An equal sharing of household management. These duties she did not want to shirk.
Indeed, she enjoyed most of them.
So what was it? Why had her dreams always been haunted by men who persisted when she said no? Why had she come so hard yesterday afternoon when she imagined him flogging her? Why was she now so aroused at the scene she wrote this morning?
With an oath, Jessica closed the scene on her laptop and dumped the file into the computer’s trash bin. She could never show that to anyone. Jack put her on a pedestal.
He loved her deeply and he would
And when Andi called, that frustration spilled out onto her best friend.
“Well, it’s affecting my work… Do you know, I actually wrote a scene today that…”
Her voice trailed off. No, she could not even tell her best friend her fantasies. Even as she wrote the pages this morning, her cheeks burned with shame and humiliation. How could she want to be treated this way?
“Never mind, it wasn’t well-written anyway.” She sighed as she dusted a photo of her husband. Jack grinned that rakish grin of his, his arm around her shoulders in a protective embrace. She remembered that moment. Jack had received a book award and the two of them attended the ceremony. As they were leaving, a fan came up to her and had been rather pushy about getting an autograph. His eyes, however, had not been on her face. Instead, he had leered at her breasts, the tops of which showed in the scarlet slinky dress Jack had purchased for her. The nakedness of her cleavage made her uncomfortable, yet Jessica wore it to please him. Only recently had she begun to recognize her giving in as an indication of her submissive tendencies and it still confused her.
Jack had put his arm around her, drawing her close, and she had seen a flash of anger in his eyes. It had surprised her; she had never seen him angry. In fact, it was the 70
Writers Unblocked
only time she had ever seen such a strong emotion from him. But the photographers were there and by the time they were in the hired limo, his demeanor was placid once more.
“No, never mind, Andi. I’m just being cranky, that’s all. Seriously. I just need a good fucking, that’s all.” She laughed, shocked at her own use of language. “I know, too much information.”
She set the picture down, free of dust, and moved on. The conversation also moved to safer topics and Jessica felt as if she had dodged a bullet. It was hard enough admitting these feelings to herself. How could she ever admit them to anyone else?
Only later, sitting at her computer once more and reading over the graphic scene she had written, did Jessica finally confront what she had spent years running away from. As an independent, woman who made a good living for herself and her husband, she was a thoroughly modern American Woman; but just under the surface lurked another woman. That was the woman who wanted to submit, who wanted to be taken care of, who wanted to live on the edge of virtual slavery. While she didn’t take care of the money, Jessica felt it was important for her to provide her share. Thus, she worked as an English teacher at the local high school, even though she’d much rather stay home and write full-time like he did. So why would a woman who rarely gave in and who was in total control of herself want exactly the opposite when it came to the bedroom? It didn’t make sense.
Or did it? Wasn’t the giving up of control in essence, also the giving up of responsibility? She controlled every aspect of her life, from what to have for dinner to what book she would write next. She did the lion’s share of the housework although Jack had his set of chores as well. Outside was his responsibility; inside was hers. An equal sharing of household management. These duties she did not want to shirk.
Indeed, she enjoyed most of them.
So what was it? Why had her dreams always been haunted by men who persisted when she said no? Why had she come so hard yesterday afternoon when she imagined him flogging her? Why was she now so aroused at the scene she wrote this morning?
With an oath, Jessica closed the scene on her laptop and dumped the file into the computer’s trash bin. She could never show that to anyone. Jack put her on a pedestal.
He loved her deeply and he would
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