Eat, Brains, Love

Eat, Brains, Love by Jeff Hart

Book: Eat, Brains, Love by Jeff Hart Read Free Book Online
Authors: Jeff Hart
    â€œUh, no, I don’t know that move.”
    Amanda ignored me. “Anyway, then Chazz stopped coming to school and I figured, whatever, good riddance. He called me a bunch and left these weird rambling voice mails, but I never really listened to them. I was just waiting for him to lose interest.”
    â€œYour romantic life is seriously fascinating to me,” I said.
    â€œShut up,” she countered, not missing a beat. “He finally showed up at school yesterday—remember, when you interrupted us with all your lame jokes?”
    â€œThat’s not exactly how I remember it.”
    â€œSo, at the time, I figured it was just, like, desperate guy-talk because he didn’t want to break up. All this bullshit about being soul mates and blah blah blah. But he said one thing that seriously grossed me out at the time and now has, like, some heavy context to it.”
    â€œPlease tell me he quoted you poetry.”
    â€œNo,” she answered. “He told me I was the only girl in school he didn’t want to eat.”
    I laughed. “Is that a pickup line?”
    â€œIt is if you’re a zombie.”
    I blinked.
    â€œWait. What?”
    â€œThe reason for that huge relationship over-share is that I have a theory,” Amanda continued patiently, “but it relies on you having gotten some action since Sasha. So, spill it, Jacob Albert.”
    â€œUh, hypothetically,” I stammered, feeling my face start to flush like it always did when the sex talk started up, smooth operator that I am, “let’s say I have. What does that prove?”
    â€œWell, yesterday you pointed out that when we bite people, they don’t turn into other zombies like in the movies. Which makes sense because nobody bit me either. But I’ve done, um, other stuff . With my sort-of ex-boyfriend who probably ate his parents. So, Jake . . . how do you think we caught zombie?”
    â€œOh,” I said, Amanda’s theory finally clicking. “Oh gross.”
    â€œYeah. Way worse than anything they told us about in health class.”
    â€œSo you’ve got like herpes of the undead?”
    â€œYou do too, buddy. Which is why I asked about Sasha. Because I know we didn’t hook up, and I seriously doubt you hooked up with Chazz.”
    â€œIt wasn’t Sasha.”
    â€œOh. Who was it then?”
    Janine. That night in Princeton, which at the time had seemed like my rite of passage into the world of getting down with hot bohemian college chicks. Now it turns out that was, like, the biggest mistake of my life.
    â€œYou wouldn’t know her,” I said. “She’s from out of town.”
    Amanda laughed. “First time I’ve ever believed that line.”
    We eventually dropped the whole undead sex topic and fell into a mellow silence, just listening to the radio. Still, all those revelations about Chazz and Amanda, their relationship . . . Not to mention, her being single totally changed the dynamic of this road trip. I just had to ask.
    â€œWhat did you see in Chazz Slade anyway?” I blurted.
    Amanda tilted her head at me, half smiling. I could tell she was trying to figure out how honestly to answer me.
    â€œWell,” she said, “have you seen his abs?”
    Oh yeah, I’d seen them. Chazz made sure everyone saw them. He’d strut around in the locker room after gym class daring people to break their hands on his six-pack. I shook my head.
    â€œThat’s it? Seriously?”
    I sounded more disappointed than I’d meant to. Amanda sighed and shook her head.
    â€œNo, Jake, that’s not it.” She paused, thinking. “I don’t know. You won’t get this, but it’s like it was expected . He was good-looking, and cool, and could buy beer—I sort of had to date him, you know?”
    â€œYou’re right,” I said. “I don’t get it. You really wanted to lock

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