Eaglethorpe Buxton and the Sorceress by Wesley Allison Page A

which is to say
Ellwood Cyrene. I suppose that it is not surprising that this name
would pop into my head first, for Ellwood Cyrene is my greatest
friend and has traveled much of the world with me. He was in fact,
the inspiration for the first dozen or so of my stories. We have
faced countless dangers together and I have saved his life more
than once. Truth be told, he has saved mine more than once too… or
twice. Maybe thirty times.
    “What are you thinking about,” asked the
sorceress.
    “I’m thinking about Eaglethorpe Buxton…”
    “Good.”
    “… and I’m not thinking about Ellwood
Cyrene, because that is me, and I don’t sit around thinking about
myself, who is Ellwood Cyrene.”
    “Ellwood the Queen?”
    “No. Ellwood Cyrene.”
    “No,” she said. “Ellwood the queen. That’s
what it means. Cyrene is an old elvish world for queen.”
    “No, no, no,” said I. “Cyrene is a very
manly name, and so is Ellwood, which is good because Ellwood Cyrene
is a very manly man. He has done many great… um, which is to say, I
have had…um.”
    “Yes, I have heard of you.” She lowered the
wand and stepped closer. “But you are acquainted with this
Eaglethorpe Buxton?”
    “Oh, we are the best of friends. He has
saved my life on countless occasions and…”
    “So if I killed you, it would cause him
pain?”
    “We’ve had a bit of a falling out. No, we’re
not really that close anymore.”

Chapter Two: Wherein I follow through with
my deception, saving my life and causing quite a bit of additional
complication.

    “So why are you so intent on killing me...
my friend, which is to say Eaglethorpe Buxton?” I asked.
    “I did not say I was going to kill him,” she
replied. “I said I was going to skin him alive.”
    “Wouldn't that kill him?”
    “Not right away.”
    “But you said you were going to kill me,
that is to say Ellwood Cyrene, which is me.”
    “No. I implied that I might kill you.”
    “Well thank you for straitening that out,”
said I. “A hearty goodnight to you.”
    I stepped past her and headed for the door,
leaving I might add an almost full tankard of ale sitting on the
table, and that is something I almost never do.
    “Hold,” she said, and I felt an invisible
set of hands grasp me roughly by the shoulders and drag me back to
my seat. As I plopped down into sitting position, I could see the
glowing wand sweeping down to her side. “I'm not quite finished
with you.”
    “No?”
    “No.”
    “Um, why not?”
    “I need you to lead me to Eaglethorpe
Buxton.” She poured herself into my lap and placed her arms around
my shoulders. “I may have use for you as well, Ellwood Cyrene.”
    “What could Ellwood Cyrene, which is to say
me, do for you?”
    “You mean besides leading me to Eaglethorpe
Buxton?”
    “Yes, besides that.”
    “As I mentioned before, you are known to
me.”
    “Not surprising,” said I. “Just as it is not
surprising that you have heard to my very good friend, which is to
say my former friend Eaglethorpe Buxton, who is probably way more
famous than Ellwood Cyrene... which is to say me.”
    “Ellwood Cyrene,” she said, putting her ripe
mouth very close to my ear. “Warrior.”
    “It is true,” said I. “I am a warrior.”
    “Adventurer.”
    “Yes.”
    “Hero.”
    “Indubitably.”
    “Man's man.”
    “Of course... what?”
    “Always in the company of great men, but
eschewing the company of women.”
    “Chewing a company of women?”
    “Eschewing. It means to abstain or to keep
away from-- to shun or avoid.”
    “Yes of course it does.”
    “Not one single queen, noblewoman,
courtesan, tavern wench, or milkmaid has been heard to boast of
having quenched the fires of Ellwood Cyrene.”
    “Campfires?”
    “Fires of passion.”
    “Well that can't be right,” said I. “I have
seen countless women throwing flirtations toward Ellwood Cyrene...
which is to say me.”
    “Flirtations have been thrown, no doubt,”
she whispered. “After