blood.
Those boys will always be trouble.
Took you with me
Reuben leaned forwards in the chair, resting his elbows on the kitchen table, head in his hands. He had been sitting in this position for a while, running things through his head, over and over. Ray. Lisa. Mica. Everything swirling round and round with no resolution.
He heard Brenda walking in from the yard, her voice preceding her and he watched as she moved through the room, graceful motion as natural to her as breathing. There she was, everything he had ever wanted from life. Right there, within reach, but so far away.
He had been home for hours and still didn’t know what he was going to say. So many possibilities, he was sick from contemplating them. Every one of them broke down to two things.
Go.
Stay .
So many ways this could have worked out between them, but now, he was lost. Reuben Nelms was nowhere to be found. Tangled up in his own mind, thoughts spinning around in his head like on a carnival ride. Be the man his brother wasn’t. The one he knew he could be. Be the club member the Rebels demanded, the brother Mason expected. Be whatever it was Brenda wanted from him, twist himself to be anything she would let him give her.
Could he let himself stay in town, knowing what he now knew? Always wondering how many other women were out there that Ray hurt as he had Mica and Lisa? Fears running rampant that each woman met on the sidewalk had been another of Ray’s victims? Looking into each face, wondering if his brother preyed on them as he had Molly. Mica’s baby sister, who— thank God —had only suffered at his hands a single night, but been given a reminder of him that she smiled at every day. Would this question ricochet through his mind every time he saw a hometown gal, wondering what his blood had done?
“Supper will be about an hour, Reuben. Eli’s with Gill and Tony, the boys decreed it was movie night,” Brenda said, walking towards him. When he didn’t lift his head, he heard her footsteps slow and halt, the soles of her boots scuffing the floor. With a breathless note in her voice, she cried, “Oh, no. What’s happened? Is it Breezy?”
“No, no, honey.” He was quick to reassure her. “The horse is fine. Everyone’s okay.” He picked up his head, letting his hands fall to the table as he looked at her. “Everything’s fine, Bee. I’m just…in a mood,” he said by way of weak explanation but she shook her head, rejecting his pat answer.
“No, something happened today. I can tell. Something bad. What is it, Reuben?” She came closer, tugging a chair out from underneath the table and shifting it so that when she sat, it was directly beside him, her thigh pressed tight against his. “What happened?”
“Nothing,” he said, and moved in the chair, twisting his neck to keep from having to look at her. If he glanced at her, it meant she could see him, and he didn’t want to give her a chance to spot the lie in his face. Everything was too close to the surface and he didn’t know if he could hide his pain, not from her. Pain that came from knowing so much, but being helpless to make a difference.
All his life it seemed as if he had been a day late and a dollar short. Dealing with his father, and the man’s failures. Coming along after the fact with the women, with the stock, hell, even with the ranch. Then, following behind Ray, cleaning up each mess as best he could. Ineffectual at soothing the pain that remained long after his brother was finished with his play. Today wasn’t any different, just the length of time between actions and responses was drawn out. The pain was the same, for Lisa, and for him.
He felt the weight of Brenda’s gaze and swallowed hard, looking down. The heat from her leg seared him, and he saw her hands clenched into tight fists, balanced on top of her thighs. Reuben waited, because she seemed on the edge of something, some reaction, and he wondered which way she would fall.
Seeming to
Those boys will always be trouble.
Took you with me
Reuben leaned forwards in the chair, resting his elbows on the kitchen table, head in his hands. He had been sitting in this position for a while, running things through his head, over and over. Ray. Lisa. Mica. Everything swirling round and round with no resolution.
He heard Brenda walking in from the yard, her voice preceding her and he watched as she moved through the room, graceful motion as natural to her as breathing. There she was, everything he had ever wanted from life. Right there, within reach, but so far away.
He had been home for hours and still didn’t know what he was going to say. So many possibilities, he was sick from contemplating them. Every one of them broke down to two things.
Go.
Stay .
So many ways this could have worked out between them, but now, he was lost. Reuben Nelms was nowhere to be found. Tangled up in his own mind, thoughts spinning around in his head like on a carnival ride. Be the man his brother wasn’t. The one he knew he could be. Be the club member the Rebels demanded, the brother Mason expected. Be whatever it was Brenda wanted from him, twist himself to be anything she would let him give her.
Could he let himself stay in town, knowing what he now knew? Always wondering how many other women were out there that Ray hurt as he had Mica and Lisa? Fears running rampant that each woman met on the sidewalk had been another of Ray’s victims? Looking into each face, wondering if his brother preyed on them as he had Molly. Mica’s baby sister, who— thank God —had only suffered at his hands a single night, but been given a reminder of him that she smiled at every day. Would this question ricochet through his mind every time he saw a hometown gal, wondering what his blood had done?
“Supper will be about an hour, Reuben. Eli’s with Gill and Tony, the boys decreed it was movie night,” Brenda said, walking towards him. When he didn’t lift his head, he heard her footsteps slow and halt, the soles of her boots scuffing the floor. With a breathless note in her voice, she cried, “Oh, no. What’s happened? Is it Breezy?”
“No, no, honey.” He was quick to reassure her. “The horse is fine. Everyone’s okay.” He picked up his head, letting his hands fall to the table as he looked at her. “Everything’s fine, Bee. I’m just…in a mood,” he said by way of weak explanation but she shook her head, rejecting his pat answer.
“No, something happened today. I can tell. Something bad. What is it, Reuben?” She came closer, tugging a chair out from underneath the table and shifting it so that when she sat, it was directly beside him, her thigh pressed tight against his. “What happened?”
“Nothing,” he said, and moved in the chair, twisting his neck to keep from having to look at her. If he glanced at her, it meant she could see him, and he didn’t want to give her a chance to spot the lie in his face. Everything was too close to the surface and he didn’t know if he could hide his pain, not from her. Pain that came from knowing so much, but being helpless to make a difference.
All his life it seemed as if he had been a day late and a dollar short. Dealing with his father, and the man’s failures. Coming along after the fact with the women, with the stock, hell, even with the ranch. Then, following behind Ray, cleaning up each mess as best he could. Ineffectual at soothing the pain that remained long after his brother was finished with his play. Today wasn’t any different, just the length of time between actions and responses was drawn out. The pain was the same, for Lisa, and for him.
He felt the weight of Brenda’s gaze and swallowed hard, looking down. The heat from her leg seared him, and he saw her hands clenched into tight fists, balanced on top of her thighs. Reuben waited, because she seemed on the edge of something, some reaction, and he wondered which way she would fall.
Seeming to
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