tray of food toward me. I force myself to eat slowly to keep myself from getting sick, picking at the food bit by bit. It doesn’t taste as awful as I imagined. It doesn’t taste like anything at all.
Once the growling from my gut has quieted, my mind goes back to focusing on what needs to be done while my hands cont inue to robotically pick at the food in front of me. I need to find a way to balance the beast and the weight of everything I’ve experienced long enough to bring myself—the human me—to the surface.
I need to remember how to be Chelsea Zimmerman.
It’s hours before anyone comes to see me again. I can tell without even looking up that it’s Zack again. I must not be a priority for anyone else. The sounds and smells of him have become the most familiar thing about this place. As soon as he walks into view, I take a step backward and pin myself against the very back wall of my cage.
Inside, I ’m cursing at my own bullheadedness, egging myself on to try and take a step forward. Externally, an unwelcome snarl forces its way across my mouth. My shoulders hunch down, and my legs shift apart slightly until they find a comfortable fighting stance.
Zack stops in the same place as before and presses his lips into a tight line . “You ate.”
I refuse to acknowledge him. I can ’t even so much as glance at the food. Part of me is sure this boy doesn’t want to hurt me, but the other part isn’t willing to take that risk.
Show vulnerability, open yourself up to attack. That ’s all there is to it.
I want to relax my posture. I want to show this boy and his people that I don ’t want to hurt them. I’m not a threat. It seemed so important before to defy this place. Now all I want to do is wipe the scowl off my face and I can’t do it. I’ve spent so long fighting to stay alive at any cost. Old habits die hard.
I refuse to take my eyes off of the enemy.
Minutes pass and he eventually relaxes, but I don’t. He clearly expects something from me, but whatever it is, I can’t give it to him.
I wish I k new how.
“ There’s something about you,” he says finally. “The others don’t see it, but I know I’m right. They don’t recognize that look in your eyes because they’ve never been there, hovering on the edge between human and monster. I’ve been there though. I recognize that look.”
I have to stop myself from cocking my head slightly to the side in surprise. What does he mean he ’s been there? He’s clearly not infected. He’s entirely, painfully, deliciously human. I don’t understand! I scream within my own mind, but the beast is the only one who hears me, and even she barely notices.
He must catch the slight tick of my halted movement, because a small smile creeps onto his face. “ You’re listening to me, really listening. Even when I’m not speaking. I can see it in the way you watch me.”
He ’s giving me an opening. All I have to do is step through and take it, just show him that he’s right.
“ It’s been a long time since I’ve had any up-close-and-personal time with Zs of any kind, but you’re different. There’s a person in there.”
I stay perfectly still, frozen in place against the back wall of my cage, as far away from him as I can possibly be. In a way, he ’s wrong. Listening to humans is no special trick. Before coming to this place, I made a point of listening to my prey—observing them for weakness. But even I know that that’s not what I’m doing now. Can he sense the war inside of me? I should be lunging, attacking, ripping him into tiny pieces with my teeth. I just don’t want to.
I try to show him what ’s going on under the surface, but my body won’t surrender. Zack gives up before I do, stepping back from the bars with a resigned sigh.
“ All right. I’ll leave you alone.” He runs his hand over his short blond hair. “Someone should be bringing you food again soon.” He turns away and instantly I feel the relief of
Once the growling from my gut has quieted, my mind goes back to focusing on what needs to be done while my hands cont inue to robotically pick at the food in front of me. I need to find a way to balance the beast and the weight of everything I’ve experienced long enough to bring myself—the human me—to the surface.
I need to remember how to be Chelsea Zimmerman.
It’s hours before anyone comes to see me again. I can tell without even looking up that it’s Zack again. I must not be a priority for anyone else. The sounds and smells of him have become the most familiar thing about this place. As soon as he walks into view, I take a step backward and pin myself against the very back wall of my cage.
Inside, I ’m cursing at my own bullheadedness, egging myself on to try and take a step forward. Externally, an unwelcome snarl forces its way across my mouth. My shoulders hunch down, and my legs shift apart slightly until they find a comfortable fighting stance.
Zack stops in the same place as before and presses his lips into a tight line . “You ate.”
I refuse to acknowledge him. I can ’t even so much as glance at the food. Part of me is sure this boy doesn’t want to hurt me, but the other part isn’t willing to take that risk.
Show vulnerability, open yourself up to attack. That ’s all there is to it.
I want to relax my posture. I want to show this boy and his people that I don ’t want to hurt them. I’m not a threat. It seemed so important before to defy this place. Now all I want to do is wipe the scowl off my face and I can’t do it. I’ve spent so long fighting to stay alive at any cost. Old habits die hard.
I refuse to take my eyes off of the enemy.
Minutes pass and he eventually relaxes, but I don’t. He clearly expects something from me, but whatever it is, I can’t give it to him.
I wish I k new how.
“ There’s something about you,” he says finally. “The others don’t see it, but I know I’m right. They don’t recognize that look in your eyes because they’ve never been there, hovering on the edge between human and monster. I’ve been there though. I recognize that look.”
I have to stop myself from cocking my head slightly to the side in surprise. What does he mean he ’s been there? He’s clearly not infected. He’s entirely, painfully, deliciously human. I don’t understand! I scream within my own mind, but the beast is the only one who hears me, and even she barely notices.
He must catch the slight tick of my halted movement, because a small smile creeps onto his face. “ You’re listening to me, really listening. Even when I’m not speaking. I can see it in the way you watch me.”
He ’s giving me an opening. All I have to do is step through and take it, just show him that he’s right.
“ It’s been a long time since I’ve had any up-close-and-personal time with Zs of any kind, but you’re different. There’s a person in there.”
I stay perfectly still, frozen in place against the back wall of my cage, as far away from him as I can possibly be. In a way, he ’s wrong. Listening to humans is no special trick. Before coming to this place, I made a point of listening to my prey—observing them for weakness. But even I know that that’s not what I’m doing now. Can he sense the war inside of me? I should be lunging, attacking, ripping him into tiny pieces with my teeth. I just don’t want to.
I try to show him what ’s going on under the surface, but my body won’t surrender. Zack gives up before I do, stepping back from the bars with a resigned sigh.
“ All right. I’ll leave you alone.” He runs his hand over his short blond hair. “Someone should be bringing you food again soon.” He turns away and instantly I feel the relief of
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