garden and joined in. I didn’t think Isaac would be the crazy dance type, but I guess when the moment takes you… I smile at him and he smiles back. Violet sways to the music, like a goddess.
There are others, too, but then my attention is seized by Finn, who’s spinning in circles and air-drumming and kicking and going and going and going. Hitting the air, over and over like he’s the one making the music. He has this look in his eyes.
He owns the music.
He catches me staring, and pulls me to him. We dance, and I own the music too.
The song ends and another phases in. Finn, Isaac, Violet, Georgia, Greg and I veer off to a secluded corner, under one of those trees with long thin branches that hang to the ground like a giant open umbrella. There are no candles here. It’s kind of mysterious. A lighter rips,
shhhrip
. We have light.
Finn spreads his jacket on the ground. “Don’t want you getting a wet bum, tiger.” He gestures for me to sit with him. I collapse into his arms. Normally I’d be too shy to just fall into him. He might think I’m a clingy sort, but I’m full of beer and it seems like the most natural thing in the world.
I’m cool with just watching and listening. Like I’ve been allowed into some secret world. I feel like I’m popular. I sit, they talk, I listen.
“It’s time!” Greg announces.
“Oh, yes, oh, yes. What have we this week?” asks Finn.
“Doves, mate. Same sort we had at Citrus a couple of weeks ago.”
It’s a cloak-and-dagger operation.
What are they doing?
I mean, is
everybody
doing this? Am I just a late bloomer? The last to hear the big news? Drugs are in again? Er, hello? The eighties called and they want their narcotics back…
I could never imagine doing it.
“Nice one, thanks.” Finn knocks the little white pill back with a swift slurp of beer.
“A dove for my love.” Greg hands one to Georgia and she swigs it down.
“Ahhhh…” she says with a drunk giggle.
Violet swallows hers.
Then Isaac has one. They all seem so unconcerned. No biggie, I bet they think. The clock has ticked its way around to me and now the alarm is sounding. It’s my turn. What should I do? What should I do? I don’t know what to do!
“You want one, Carla?” Greg holds a pill out on the palm of his hand. I feel all their eyes on me. The first day of school, again.
“I … um … I’ve never done one before.” Suddenly I don’t feel drunk at all. I feel stone-cold sober and scared. I’m scared all right. Scared of what it might do to me. Scared of what I’ll do if I take it, or what I’ll feel like. What if I’m sick or something, or die like that girl who drank too much water ’cause she felt like she was totally dehydrated and oh God, I should really say something…
“You don’t have to,” Isaac says. I’m about to say I think I’ll pass, but then they’ll probably never speak to me again. Maybe I should drop. Maybe I would feel … fit in. I’ve never done anything remotely wild, and time is ticking down, sixth form won’t last for ever, after this is uni and then adulthood and the Big Bad World and jobs and mortgages and car insurance and council tax. Before that humdrum vanilla life arrives, here’s a chance to prove I’m more than a strait-laced, head-down study whore. I can surprise. I can be somebody.
“Come on, tiger, it’ll be fun. Trust me.” Finn squeezes my arms in support.
“I … er…” I pause again. They must think I’ve gone a bit loco. Breathe.
Speak
. “All righ—”
“No, mate.” Isaac takes the pill from Greg’s hand, looking intensely at Finn. “Not if she doesn’t want to.”
Finn snatches the pill from Isaac’s hand and for a millisecond I think he’s going to force me to take it. It’s right there, in front of my face, heading for my mouth, and then it’s gone, bypassing mine and into Finn’s.
“More for me, then. I love to double-drop. Right, let’s go dance, kids.” He pivots my head around to face
There are others, too, but then my attention is seized by Finn, who’s spinning in circles and air-drumming and kicking and going and going and going. Hitting the air, over and over like he’s the one making the music. He has this look in his eyes.
He owns the music.
He catches me staring, and pulls me to him. We dance, and I own the music too.
The song ends and another phases in. Finn, Isaac, Violet, Georgia, Greg and I veer off to a secluded corner, under one of those trees with long thin branches that hang to the ground like a giant open umbrella. There are no candles here. It’s kind of mysterious. A lighter rips,
shhhrip
. We have light.
Finn spreads his jacket on the ground. “Don’t want you getting a wet bum, tiger.” He gestures for me to sit with him. I collapse into his arms. Normally I’d be too shy to just fall into him. He might think I’m a clingy sort, but I’m full of beer and it seems like the most natural thing in the world.
I’m cool with just watching and listening. Like I’ve been allowed into some secret world. I feel like I’m popular. I sit, they talk, I listen.
“It’s time!” Greg announces.
“Oh, yes, oh, yes. What have we this week?” asks Finn.
“Doves, mate. Same sort we had at Citrus a couple of weeks ago.”
It’s a cloak-and-dagger operation.
What are they doing?
I mean, is
everybody
doing this? Am I just a late bloomer? The last to hear the big news? Drugs are in again? Er, hello? The eighties called and they want their narcotics back…
I could never imagine doing it.
“Nice one, thanks.” Finn knocks the little white pill back with a swift slurp of beer.
“A dove for my love.” Greg hands one to Georgia and she swigs it down.
“Ahhhh…” she says with a drunk giggle.
Violet swallows hers.
Then Isaac has one. They all seem so unconcerned. No biggie, I bet they think. The clock has ticked its way around to me and now the alarm is sounding. It’s my turn. What should I do? What should I do? I don’t know what to do!
“You want one, Carla?” Greg holds a pill out on the palm of his hand. I feel all their eyes on me. The first day of school, again.
“I … um … I’ve never done one before.” Suddenly I don’t feel drunk at all. I feel stone-cold sober and scared. I’m scared all right. Scared of what it might do to me. Scared of what I’ll do if I take it, or what I’ll feel like. What if I’m sick or something, or die like that girl who drank too much water ’cause she felt like she was totally dehydrated and oh God, I should really say something…
“You don’t have to,” Isaac says. I’m about to say I think I’ll pass, but then they’ll probably never speak to me again. Maybe I should drop. Maybe I would feel … fit in. I’ve never done anything remotely wild, and time is ticking down, sixth form won’t last for ever, after this is uni and then adulthood and the Big Bad World and jobs and mortgages and car insurance and council tax. Before that humdrum vanilla life arrives, here’s a chance to prove I’m more than a strait-laced, head-down study whore. I can surprise. I can be somebody.
“Come on, tiger, it’ll be fun. Trust me.” Finn squeezes my arms in support.
“I … er…” I pause again. They must think I’ve gone a bit loco. Breathe.
Speak
. “All righ—”
“No, mate.” Isaac takes the pill from Greg’s hand, looking intensely at Finn. “Not if she doesn’t want to.”
Finn snatches the pill from Isaac’s hand and for a millisecond I think he’s going to force me to take it. It’s right there, in front of my face, heading for my mouth, and then it’s gone, bypassing mine and into Finn’s.
“More for me, then. I love to double-drop. Right, let’s go dance, kids.” He pivots my head around to face
Similar Books
