Dreams Unleashed by Linda Hawley Page B

know. Do you remember when I told you about the Herkimer crystals my dad and I found when I was a girl?"
    "Of course I remember. Your dad was buried wearing his crystal around his neck."
    "Well, I've been going over it in my mind, and I just don't understand why Armond would mention the Herkimer then. Was he remembering a conversation we had about it, or something else? Those were his last words, and I have no idea what they mean."
    "With time, Ann, you'll understand. Have faith in that," she consoled me. "We're not always meant to know right away. Give it time," she offered with a squeeze to my shoulder and a kiss on my forehead.
    I snuggled into her and allowed myself to be comforted.
    We stayed with Aunt Saundra for two weeks after burying Armond in Bellingham. Since we had both grown up there, it seemed like the right place for him to rest. Even though we had lived in the Washington D.C. area for a long time, Armond and I had always talked of moving to Bellingham when the right professional situations came up for us both. After the funeral and some time passing, I started to crave being back home again. There was a part of me that was reluctant to leave Armond, but Elinor and I finally flew home on a solemn plane ride, so that we could begin to put the pieces of our life back together. I wondered if I would still feel him near if we flew away, but I had to, for Elinor.
    Living without Armond that first year was like living without air. When he was beside me, the very air we breathed seemed alive; it was as if there was more oxygen. He brought everything to life. The void created by his absence was like a black hole, sucking the essence of my life away, no matter how hard I fought against it. I pleaded with God, and He did comfort me. But I knew that I was more of a woman when Armond was alive, and without him, I was simply---less. The broad nothingness never seemed to ease that first year; it only shifted back and forth from my conscious to my subconscious. I tried to live in the present, but I knew that the present could be so much more with him, and I had trouble staying in it. So I dreamed of him. I dreamed of living another life with him at night while I slept.
    I couldn't have been who I became without the love that we had shared. It was a short time together---we were married only fourteen years---but it had felt like so much longer than that to me. We were like children, playing and laughing, but then talking into the wee hours of the night about the mysteries of life. When he'd been gone for some time, I came to know loneliness in its earthly form.
    Though I knew in my mind that others had felt such loss, this loss was mine, and I felt that no one would ever understand it, and to try to explain the loneliness and pain I felt would be futile. It was a reality that I couldn't share with anyone else. It was agonizing torture to be without my best friend, confidant, lover, and mate. From the day Armond left, Elinor was my only solace.
    In the years since his death, I thought that Armond's last words were the beginning of a thought he had about my dad. It never did make sense to me. Could he have known what was to come? Was he so close to death that he could see the future?
     
    * * *
    "Sinéad," I said, dragging myself from thoughts of the past, "Give me information on the earthquake and talk me through it while I take a bath...warm bathroom...hot bath...start the water now," I instructed, holding tight to the Herkimer rediscovered in my hand.
    "Yes, Ann."
    I drifted down into the soothing warmth, pouring in eucalyptus oil to induce clarity of mind. As I dipped into my deep bath and snuggled into its warmth, I exhaled the memories.
    One of the things that attracted me to buying the house in the first place was this bathroom. The high-tech bathtub sat in the middle of the room, creating an open feeling. The shower was in the far corner, surrounded by clear glass. There was a comfortable chaise lounge to relax on to the