it got down it warmed me all through again and somehow got mixed up with what I was thinking about Marion.
It got worse and worse too, because Tanya came around with the wine until it was all gone and then she sat down on Dr Cooperâs lap, and Marion got a skinny little book with poems in it or something and she started to read it but I couldnât hear what she was saying. I kept looking at Tanya and Dr Cooper and watching what they were doing, and all I could think of was I wanted to do it with Marion but she might not want me to and there would be trouble.
Then Tanya got another bottle of wine, but a new one, so Dr Cooper opened it up and a lot spilled all over and it made me feel sick when I saw it. I donât know why, but when I saw it splashed all over the floor and running in the cracks of the wood I had to cry. I didnât care, I just cried in front of everybody and Tanya gave me more wine and said something but I couldnât hear what.
Marion just sat and read poetry, and all I could see was her eyes and her lips moving and I knew it was crazy but I thought maybe thereâs nothing left of her only lips and eyes, so even if she let me do something it wouldnât be any good.
Then it was hard to see anything, and I looked around and Tanya and Dr Cooper werenât there any more and Marion was standing by the lamp next to the couch and there was only a little light in it so you could hardly see. And I knew the way she was standing there and looking at me she wouldnât mind what I wanted to do, and then I got scared.
I wouldnât know how to do it right. I never did it before. I didnât know anything about how it really was, so I would spoil everything and she would see I was only a dumb kid and they would all laugh at me.
She was standing by the couch just looking at me and I could see the light shining on her lips. I put my hand under the chair cushion and took hold of the gun. If they laughed at me I would give it to them.
She came away from the lamp and started walking to me. It was hard getting up, but I did it with the gun in my hand behind me waiting for her to laugh. But she didnât laugh. She didnât say anything, only went to the phonograph, and then I heard that music start up again but not loud this time. Just loud enough to hear.
It was crazy, that music. It was like me trying to get up my nerve to do something, and then all of a sudden coming out with it like a big wave that goes crash on the beach. Then Marion was up against me, and I dropped the gun back on the chair and grabbed her as tight as I could.
I didnât have to worry about her laughing. I didnât have to worry about anybody laughing. She knew everything and she showed it all to me, and it was more wonderful than I ever dreamed in my best dreams.
Chapter Thirteen
F IRST when the noise came through to me I didnât think about it. I just lay there remembering about Marion and me and what it felt like and how I could do it again whenever I wanted. I could do it with her because of the way she liked me, but I could even do it with other girls now that I knew what it was all about.
That was the most important thing in the world, and when you had it everything else was kid stuff. Even school and books didnât matter then, because you knew all about the real thing and you werenât a kid any more. It felt so good thinking about it that I didnât want to stop, but the noise got louder and louder and I got all tangled up in my mind.
I figured it was the clock. The clock behind the bar at the Domino Club was ticking louder and louder because it was pretty near quarter after one and I had to go find Al Judge.
Then I opened my eyes quick because I knew it couldnât be the Domino Club. It was freezing cold in the room, and I was laying half off the couch without any clothes so I was shaking all over, and the noise was the needle on the record going around and around the way it
It got worse and worse too, because Tanya came around with the wine until it was all gone and then she sat down on Dr Cooperâs lap, and Marion got a skinny little book with poems in it or something and she started to read it but I couldnât hear what she was saying. I kept looking at Tanya and Dr Cooper and watching what they were doing, and all I could think of was I wanted to do it with Marion but she might not want me to and there would be trouble.
Then Tanya got another bottle of wine, but a new one, so Dr Cooper opened it up and a lot spilled all over and it made me feel sick when I saw it. I donât know why, but when I saw it splashed all over the floor and running in the cracks of the wood I had to cry. I didnât care, I just cried in front of everybody and Tanya gave me more wine and said something but I couldnât hear what.
Marion just sat and read poetry, and all I could see was her eyes and her lips moving and I knew it was crazy but I thought maybe thereâs nothing left of her only lips and eyes, so even if she let me do something it wouldnât be any good.
Then it was hard to see anything, and I looked around and Tanya and Dr Cooper werenât there any more and Marion was standing by the lamp next to the couch and there was only a little light in it so you could hardly see. And I knew the way she was standing there and looking at me she wouldnât mind what I wanted to do, and then I got scared.
I wouldnât know how to do it right. I never did it before. I didnât know anything about how it really was, so I would spoil everything and she would see I was only a dumb kid and they would all laugh at me.
She was standing by the couch just looking at me and I could see the light shining on her lips. I put my hand under the chair cushion and took hold of the gun. If they laughed at me I would give it to them.
She came away from the lamp and started walking to me. It was hard getting up, but I did it with the gun in my hand behind me waiting for her to laugh. But she didnât laugh. She didnât say anything, only went to the phonograph, and then I heard that music start up again but not loud this time. Just loud enough to hear.
It was crazy, that music. It was like me trying to get up my nerve to do something, and then all of a sudden coming out with it like a big wave that goes crash on the beach. Then Marion was up against me, and I dropped the gun back on the chair and grabbed her as tight as I could.
I didnât have to worry about her laughing. I didnât have to worry about anybody laughing. She knew everything and she showed it all to me, and it was more wonderful than I ever dreamed in my best dreams.
Chapter Thirteen
F IRST when the noise came through to me I didnât think about it. I just lay there remembering about Marion and me and what it felt like and how I could do it again whenever I wanted. I could do it with her because of the way she liked me, but I could even do it with other girls now that I knew what it was all about.
That was the most important thing in the world, and when you had it everything else was kid stuff. Even school and books didnât matter then, because you knew all about the real thing and you werenât a kid any more. It felt so good thinking about it that I didnât want to stop, but the noise got louder and louder and I got all tangled up in my mind.
I figured it was the clock. The clock behind the bar at the Domino Club was ticking louder and louder because it was pretty near quarter after one and I had to go find Al Judge.
Then I opened my eyes quick because I knew it couldnât be the Domino Club. It was freezing cold in the room, and I was laying half off the couch without any clothes so I was shaking all over, and the noise was the needle on the record going around and around the way it
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