size four-poster bed that’s draped in cream bedding I bought on another shopping trip with Gaby.
Cream carpets are fitted in the bedroom because I hate the cold floor in Finlay’s room. Gold drapes cover the windows; everything smells so fresh and new.
Finlay surpassed himself with all the flowers and the painting. He’s so perfect.
I hoped with tonight being so eventful he’d forget my “ I love you” slip earlier.
Digging my cell from the pocket of my discarded jeans, I shoot a quick text to Gaby to double-check she’s okay. My phone alerts me to a new message.
Hey Toni, how are you? I’ve been thinking of you.
Hoping you settled in ok at Brown. I know it’s been a while but I’d love to hear from you, you’re always in my heart.
James xxx
James. Mixed emotions fill my head, memories of how we were before the attack and how much things changed after . . . how much he changed. I can’t deal with them, so turning my phone to silent and switching the light off, I bury my feelings under the covers and eventually drift to sleep.
Please don’t touch me! Please!
Oh my god! Stop! No! No!
Please! Why is there blood?
Oh my God, what have you done?
No, no, please!
Air fills my lungs in a rapid whoosh as I fly from the bed.
“Antonia, baby.” Finlay is next to me, his warm arms come around me, offering comfort and safety. “It’s okay, I’ve got you. You’re safe.”
Tears hit my cheeks before I even realize I’m crying
“Come sit back on the bed.”
“I’m sorry, I . . .”
“Don’t be sorry. I’ve never seen a nightmare like that. What do you dream about, baby?”
“I can’t, Finlay. I’m scared to tell you.”
“Why?”
“I just, I don’t want you to change towards me.”
“Antonia, that’s ridiculous. I could never change how I feel about you. Look at me.” He grabs my cheeks, swiping the tears away with the pads of his thumbs. “I’m falling so hard for you and nothing can stop that. I breathe in when you breathe out. I’m consumed with you. I just want to fade into you, live you.”
“You love me?”
“Yes, from the first second I saw you.”
A fresh tear drops to my cheek. “You were a douche the first time you saw me in your apartment.” I bring my lips to taste his, smothering his chuckle.
He’s soft and gentle, pulling me against his lips. “That was more about Gaby than you. You have to trust me, Antonia, when I tell you that this is the real deal for me. I need you to trust me and let me in. Please tell me what happened to you. Help me understand, baby.”
I swallow the huge lump in my throat
“I like you calling me baby.” I smile, and he returns it with a breath-taking smile of his own. His hands stroke down my hair to soothe me, and after a few deep breaths I begin to unravel, opening up the dark part of me I never wanted him to see.
“My mom used to own a jewelry store. Did you know that?”
He nods.
“Well, I worked there part time on occasion, if someone was sick and Mom needed cover. This particular day, Richard, the guy who opened the store on a Saturday morning, called last minute to let us know he was going to be late.” I take a few breaths and re-live the memory as I tell it
“Happy Anniversary!” I squeal, bringing Mom her gift to pack with her. It’s a hand painted picture of her and Daddy on their wedding day. It took me over a month to get it right. Daddy’s taking her away for the weekend to celebrate twenty-four years together. He has a busy morning with an important meeting so they’re not leaving until lunchtime. James is coming over to pick me up to take me out for the day before spending our first weekend alone together.
While the parents are, away the children will play.
Nervous energy zips through my veins making me giddy. Mom squeezes me and adds the wrapped gift to her suitcase. The house phone rings and it’s Richard complaining that he’s not going to make opening.
“I can open up, Mom. I’ll just call
Cream carpets are fitted in the bedroom because I hate the cold floor in Finlay’s room. Gold drapes cover the windows; everything smells so fresh and new.
Finlay surpassed himself with all the flowers and the painting. He’s so perfect.
I hoped with tonight being so eventful he’d forget my “ I love you” slip earlier.
Digging my cell from the pocket of my discarded jeans, I shoot a quick text to Gaby to double-check she’s okay. My phone alerts me to a new message.
Hey Toni, how are you? I’ve been thinking of you.
Hoping you settled in ok at Brown. I know it’s been a while but I’d love to hear from you, you’re always in my heart.
James xxx
James. Mixed emotions fill my head, memories of how we were before the attack and how much things changed after . . . how much he changed. I can’t deal with them, so turning my phone to silent and switching the light off, I bury my feelings under the covers and eventually drift to sleep.
Please don’t touch me! Please!
Oh my god! Stop! No! No!
Please! Why is there blood?
Oh my God, what have you done?
No, no, please!
Air fills my lungs in a rapid whoosh as I fly from the bed.
“Antonia, baby.” Finlay is next to me, his warm arms come around me, offering comfort and safety. “It’s okay, I’ve got you. You’re safe.”
Tears hit my cheeks before I even realize I’m crying
“Come sit back on the bed.”
“I’m sorry, I . . .”
“Don’t be sorry. I’ve never seen a nightmare like that. What do you dream about, baby?”
“I can’t, Finlay. I’m scared to tell you.”
“Why?”
“I just, I don’t want you to change towards me.”
“Antonia, that’s ridiculous. I could never change how I feel about you. Look at me.” He grabs my cheeks, swiping the tears away with the pads of his thumbs. “I’m falling so hard for you and nothing can stop that. I breathe in when you breathe out. I’m consumed with you. I just want to fade into you, live you.”
“You love me?”
“Yes, from the first second I saw you.”
A fresh tear drops to my cheek. “You were a douche the first time you saw me in your apartment.” I bring my lips to taste his, smothering his chuckle.
He’s soft and gentle, pulling me against his lips. “That was more about Gaby than you. You have to trust me, Antonia, when I tell you that this is the real deal for me. I need you to trust me and let me in. Please tell me what happened to you. Help me understand, baby.”
I swallow the huge lump in my throat
“I like you calling me baby.” I smile, and he returns it with a breath-taking smile of his own. His hands stroke down my hair to soothe me, and after a few deep breaths I begin to unravel, opening up the dark part of me I never wanted him to see.
“My mom used to own a jewelry store. Did you know that?”
He nods.
“Well, I worked there part time on occasion, if someone was sick and Mom needed cover. This particular day, Richard, the guy who opened the store on a Saturday morning, called last minute to let us know he was going to be late.” I take a few breaths and re-live the memory as I tell it
“Happy Anniversary!” I squeal, bringing Mom her gift to pack with her. It’s a hand painted picture of her and Daddy on their wedding day. It took me over a month to get it right. Daddy’s taking her away for the weekend to celebrate twenty-four years together. He has a busy morning with an important meeting so they’re not leaving until lunchtime. James is coming over to pick me up to take me out for the day before spending our first weekend alone together.
While the parents are, away the children will play.
Nervous energy zips through my veins making me giddy. Mom squeezes me and adds the wrapped gift to her suitcase. The house phone rings and it’s Richard complaining that he’s not going to make opening.
“I can open up, Mom. I’ll just call
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