clear. And trying to figure out who was saying what was making me tired even though my day had hardly begun.
Cousin Howie set plates of eggs and toast in front of each of the Natural Beauties. That's when he noticed Dad's cereal box and Flora's and Fauna's empty bowls. "What have you girls been eating?" he asked, grabbing the box from the table. It was one of those cereals that promises to keep adults young and fit and regular. Cousin Howie began to read aloud from the list of ingredients on the side of the box. "Artificial sweeteners? Artificial flavors?" He looked at the girls. "Repeat after me, I know better than to poison my body with unnatural ingredients."
They repeated it.
"One more time," Cousin Howie said.
"We know better than to poison our bodies with unnatural ingredients."
"That's better," he told them. "Now eat your eggs."
"But Daddy," Flora began, "we're not..."
"Hungry anymore," Fauna said.
"Not hungry?" Cousin Howie asked. "Not hungry!"
"That's what they said," Fudge told Cousin Howie. "Didn't you hear them?"
Cousin Howie's face turned red, then purple.
144
"Fudgie, let's remember our manners," Mom said.
"I am remembering my manners. If Cousin Howie can't hear I'll help him, just like I help Mrs. Osterman."
"I can hear just fine," Howie shouted.
Eudora said, "Let it go, Howie. The girls will have a healthy breakfast tomorrow. Why don't you eat their eggs and toast instead."
"You can sit here." I jumped up to give him my place at the table.
"Thank you," Cousin Howie said.
Turtle, who'd been under the table, looked up at Cousin Howie and whimpered, letting him know he'd be happy to share the eggs.
That's when Dad came into the kitchen carrying Tootsie. He set her in her baby seat. "O's" she said, pointing to Fudge's cereal box.
Dad sprinkled Cheerios on her tray.
Flora said, "Oooooh, she's ..."
"Soooo cute!" Fauna hiccuped loudly, making Tootsie laugh.
"Her name is Tamara Roxanne," Fudge announced, "and I'm not telling what we call her."
"I'll bet I can guess," Fauna said. "Tammy?"
"Wrong," Fudge sang.
"Roxy?" Flora guessed.
"Wrong again!"
"Mara?" Fauna tried.
145
"Nope!" Fudge laughed.
I was thinking they were all better names than Tootsie, but I didn't say so.
"Here's a hint," Fudge said. "It's the name of a candy."
"We don't eat candy," Flora said.
"Not even on Halloween?" Fudge asked.
"Not even then," Fauna said. "That's why our teeth are...
"Perfect." Flora opened her mouth really wide so we could admire her teeth. "We've never had a cavity."
"But you eat ice cream," Fudge said. "I saw you."
"And hot fudge," I added, thinking we'd caught them.
"Daddy says ice cream is one of life's necessities," Flora said.
"And hot fudge is a family tradition," Fauna said.
"Daddy's very big on family traditions," Flora said.
"Big!" Tootsie said, spreading her arms.
"So what do you call this precious girl?" Fauna asked.
"We call her... Tootsie!" Fudge announced.
"Too-zee," Tootsie said.
"What an adorable ..." Fauna began.
"Name," Flora said. "If we have a baby sister ..."
"Maybe we can call her Tootsie," Fauna said.
"Suppose you have a baby brother," Fudge asked.
146
"Another brother?" Flora said. We all looked over at Mini, just as he grabbed the sponge from the kitchen sink and stuffed it in his mouth.
"Farley ..." Mom said, pulling it out, "that's soapy."
Mini looked right at Mom and growled.
The second I finished breakfast I was out of there. For once, I couldn't wait to get to school, where I wouldn't have to think about the Howies for the rest of the day. With any luck, they'd be gone by the time I got home.
Instead, halfway through homeroom period, as Mr. Shane was making morning announcements, the door to our classroom opened, and the principal, Ms. Rybeck, came in with two girls wearing dorky purple dresses.
This can't be happening, I told myself. It's a bad dream. Any minute I'll wake up and start my day again. I know the Natural Beauties can't be at my
Cousin Howie set plates of eggs and toast in front of each of the Natural Beauties. That's when he noticed Dad's cereal box and Flora's and Fauna's empty bowls. "What have you girls been eating?" he asked, grabbing the box from the table. It was one of those cereals that promises to keep adults young and fit and regular. Cousin Howie began to read aloud from the list of ingredients on the side of the box. "Artificial sweeteners? Artificial flavors?" He looked at the girls. "Repeat after me, I know better than to poison my body with unnatural ingredients."
They repeated it.
"One more time," Cousin Howie said.
"We know better than to poison our bodies with unnatural ingredients."
"That's better," he told them. "Now eat your eggs."
"But Daddy," Flora began, "we're not..."
"Hungry anymore," Fauna said.
"Not hungry?" Cousin Howie asked. "Not hungry!"
"That's what they said," Fudge told Cousin Howie. "Didn't you hear them?"
Cousin Howie's face turned red, then purple.
144
"Fudgie, let's remember our manners," Mom said.
"I am remembering my manners. If Cousin Howie can't hear I'll help him, just like I help Mrs. Osterman."
"I can hear just fine," Howie shouted.
Eudora said, "Let it go, Howie. The girls will have a healthy breakfast tomorrow. Why don't you eat their eggs and toast instead."
"You can sit here." I jumped up to give him my place at the table.
"Thank you," Cousin Howie said.
Turtle, who'd been under the table, looked up at Cousin Howie and whimpered, letting him know he'd be happy to share the eggs.
That's when Dad came into the kitchen carrying Tootsie. He set her in her baby seat. "O's" she said, pointing to Fudge's cereal box.
Dad sprinkled Cheerios on her tray.
Flora said, "Oooooh, she's ..."
"Soooo cute!" Fauna hiccuped loudly, making Tootsie laugh.
"Her name is Tamara Roxanne," Fudge announced, "and I'm not telling what we call her."
"I'll bet I can guess," Fauna said. "Tammy?"
"Wrong," Fudge sang.
"Roxy?" Flora guessed.
"Wrong again!"
"Mara?" Fauna tried.
145
"Nope!" Fudge laughed.
I was thinking they were all better names than Tootsie, but I didn't say so.
"Here's a hint," Fudge said. "It's the name of a candy."
"We don't eat candy," Flora said.
"Not even on Halloween?" Fudge asked.
"Not even then," Fauna said. "That's why our teeth are...
"Perfect." Flora opened her mouth really wide so we could admire her teeth. "We've never had a cavity."
"But you eat ice cream," Fudge said. "I saw you."
"And hot fudge," I added, thinking we'd caught them.
"Daddy says ice cream is one of life's necessities," Flora said.
"And hot fudge is a family tradition," Fauna said.
"Daddy's very big on family traditions," Flora said.
"Big!" Tootsie said, spreading her arms.
"So what do you call this precious girl?" Fauna asked.
"We call her... Tootsie!" Fudge announced.
"Too-zee," Tootsie said.
"What an adorable ..." Fauna began.
"Name," Flora said. "If we have a baby sister ..."
"Maybe we can call her Tootsie," Fauna said.
"Suppose you have a baby brother," Fudge asked.
146
"Another brother?" Flora said. We all looked over at Mini, just as he grabbed the sponge from the kitchen sink and stuffed it in his mouth.
"Farley ..." Mom said, pulling it out, "that's soapy."
Mini looked right at Mom and growled.
The second I finished breakfast I was out of there. For once, I couldn't wait to get to school, where I wouldn't have to think about the Howies for the rest of the day. With any luck, they'd be gone by the time I got home.
Instead, halfway through homeroom period, as Mr. Shane was making morning announcements, the door to our classroom opened, and the principal, Ms. Rybeck, came in with two girls wearing dorky purple dresses.
This can't be happening, I told myself. It's a bad dream. Any minute I'll wake up and start my day again. I know the Natural Beauties can't be at my
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