Dollybird by Anne Lazurko Page A

we’d be better off without him.”
    It was true. But it suddenly felt like I’d said too much. Until I said it out loud I could pretend it wasn’t what everyone knew and thought, could tell myself the town was wrong about my father, and the rest of us too. But far from home, drunk and lonely, it didn’t seem to matter who knew. And telling it felt good.
    â€œI grew up in a dump,” I said. “Barely hanging on, buildings leaning right out over the coulee on the edge of town.”
    I heard myself saying the edge of town. It was the edge of the world. The house was a two-room shanty. Four of us slept in one tiny lean-to room off the kitchen. If you needed to piss in the night, you’d crawl over the others yelping and groaning, the same when you came back. The main room was the kitchen, where my parents’ bed was tucked into the corner, three feet in the air on pine blocks. Underneath was a box-like crib pulled out for the two youngest to sleep in. And there always seemed to be baby sheep or pigs in the house. Mother hated it, but Da said we couldn’t let them die of cold. It seemed an odd thing when only weeks later we’d butcher one of them that we’d saved.
    â€œIf I’d have stayed, I’d have done something with that place.”
    â€œWhat’d you leave for?”
    I didn’t want to answer. Casey snuffled in his sleep. The boy’s hair floated around his head, his face like an angel’s in the glow from moonlight coming through the window. His right thumb was resting limp on his lower lip ready to comfort him. There was a knife-sharp twist in my gut. I’d like to think it was love, but I never knew for sure after Taffy. I grabbed the moonshine, took a swig and another, coughing hard and finishing off the jar, waving it at Silas.
    â€œI’ve gotta get a place of my own. Walter says he has a good piece of land for me. All I have to do is go in and sign the papers. Don’t know that I trust him though. Like he’s not telling me something.”
    â€œThey usually give first chance to those who’ve farmed before,” Silas said.
    â€œYeah, well. I learned to stook and thresh and every other bloody thing they asked for on that harvest team.”
    â€œThere are others who have waited longer,” he said, his eyes like razor points behind his thick glasses. “Worked harder too.”
    I knew it, but it was easier to begrudge someone else than figure out how to pull myself up. My head was buzzing.
    â€œAnd there’s the boy.” Silas jerked his head in the direction of the crib. “You’re gonna need a woman out there for Casey.”
    â€œI know, damn it. You can stop pestering me.”
    â€œJust saying, I don’t think you know how hard it’s gonna be.”
    â€œOh shut up, you lumpy old man.” I smashed the jar onto the table and watched in surprise as glass sprayed across it and onto the floor. Casey started howling. “You get him. I gotta piss.”
    Silas shook his head. “How the hell do I know what to do with this?” he muttered, walking over to Casey, who had sat up and was rubbing his eyes.
    Silas bent and tried to wrap the rough blanket around Casey, picked him up and held him to his shoulder. I seen his face soften against Casey’s hair and heard soothing noises coming from his throat. When I stomped out the door, Silas was patting and rubbing the boy’s back as though he knew exactly what to do. I staggered to the side of the barn, sending the shadows of the horses into a skittish dance.

CHAPTER 13
    i i i
    By the time I went to sign for the land the next day, Walter had already found me a woman to go with it. A dollybird. Said he wouldn’t give me the land unless I took her with me ’cause he was responsible for my making a go of the homestead, counting on my success to help him keep his job.
    â€œI’ve heard some of these women are only too happy