mentally compare myself to the image of Silas and find my hands curling into fists. It makes me want to launch the photo across the room. I don’t though. I’m angrier about the fact that it has taken me this long to figure out where we truly went wrong together.
Placing the lid back on the box, I lift it, wincing when something rolls on the inside and makes a clattering noise. Not that it matters if something breaks. I’m going to toss it anyway. It’s time to throw away the past and move on.
It’s as I’m placing the box on the ground by the front door that my phone alerts me to an incoming message.
The knife in my heart sinks in further…
Eloise : If you’re still in town I’d really like to speak to you, face to face.
I don’t get chance to respond before another is lighting up my screen.
Eloise : I understand if you don’t! I forgot to add…
And then another.
Eloise : But I’d really appreciate it.
I bite on my lip, hating how badly I need to hate her purely because I feel like hopping back on the train and going back just to see her again.
Instead I make the right decision for once.
Isaac : I’m not and I don’t.
And then I kick the box, sending it and its contents scattering all over the floor. Pain radiates up my leg from my toes but I welcome it. It reminds me that I’m not a mindless robot.
I don’t know why this is suddenly affecting me now. I feel like the past four years haven’t existed. I don’t understand why I’m suddenly torn up about losing her.
Did I honestly, deep down, think she was coming home? Am I that naive?
Eloise
Isaac : I’m not and I don’t.
I hear my phone make a crack of protest before I realise that I’m squeezing it far too hard in my hand. I don’t blame him for not wanting to meet me. I deceived him. There’s no point in sugar-coating it. I shouldn’t have deceived him the way I did. That isn’t who I am.
Hayley always did say that Isaac brought out the worst in me. I see what she meant now.
He still intimidates me.
He still makes me want to please him.
He still drenches my thighs with just a look.
“What’s wrong?” Silas asks, running his hand across the back of my neck.
I shrug him off, my mood sour. “Nothing.”
“Doesn’t look like nothing.”
“It is.”
We fall into silence. It’s awkward.
“Are you hungry?” The bed sinks as he sits beside me. I shake my head in response. “Do you want to go home?” I nod my head in response but, at the same time, my eyes burn. He wraps his arm around me and presses his lips to my temple. “Okay, let’s get you home.”
The second he says, it I begin to wonder where home actually is. Suddenly a thousand doubts are fluttering through my mind and I don’t know what to do about any of them.
******
Silas has been ever attentive but he has to go back to work at some point. He’s missed classes and work for me, surprisingly. It’s proof that he cares; that’s for sure. I appreciate him being here but, at the same time, I’m not used to being around somebody so much and I’m most definitely not used to Silas in such large doses.
He’s very opinionated. I’m not sure if I like that.
I’ve been casting a lot of comparisons recently, which is unfair. I suppose it’s expected, with everything that has happened to me lately.
My arm hurts. My body aches still. My neck won’t move properly.
But I’m alive and that’s all that matters.
I’m alive and happy and well.
“I’m just saying…” I allow his voice to trail off as I picture nicer things than this conversation.
At the moment Silas is always ‘just saying.’ Normally he’s ‘just saying’ about a lot of things he doesn’t have a clue about.
I’m grouchy. I can’t help it and now I feel even worse for taking it out on somebody who is doing his best to take care of me.
“I agree.” I lie, mostly so he stops. I also do agree with the fact that he’s ‘just
Placing the lid back on the box, I lift it, wincing when something rolls on the inside and makes a clattering noise. Not that it matters if something breaks. I’m going to toss it anyway. It’s time to throw away the past and move on.
It’s as I’m placing the box on the ground by the front door that my phone alerts me to an incoming message.
The knife in my heart sinks in further…
Eloise : If you’re still in town I’d really like to speak to you, face to face.
I don’t get chance to respond before another is lighting up my screen.
Eloise : I understand if you don’t! I forgot to add…
And then another.
Eloise : But I’d really appreciate it.
I bite on my lip, hating how badly I need to hate her purely because I feel like hopping back on the train and going back just to see her again.
Instead I make the right decision for once.
Isaac : I’m not and I don’t.
And then I kick the box, sending it and its contents scattering all over the floor. Pain radiates up my leg from my toes but I welcome it. It reminds me that I’m not a mindless robot.
I don’t know why this is suddenly affecting me now. I feel like the past four years haven’t existed. I don’t understand why I’m suddenly torn up about losing her.
Did I honestly, deep down, think she was coming home? Am I that naive?
Eloise
Isaac : I’m not and I don’t.
I hear my phone make a crack of protest before I realise that I’m squeezing it far too hard in my hand. I don’t blame him for not wanting to meet me. I deceived him. There’s no point in sugar-coating it. I shouldn’t have deceived him the way I did. That isn’t who I am.
Hayley always did say that Isaac brought out the worst in me. I see what she meant now.
He still intimidates me.
He still makes me want to please him.
He still drenches my thighs with just a look.
“What’s wrong?” Silas asks, running his hand across the back of my neck.
I shrug him off, my mood sour. “Nothing.”
“Doesn’t look like nothing.”
“It is.”
We fall into silence. It’s awkward.
“Are you hungry?” The bed sinks as he sits beside me. I shake my head in response. “Do you want to go home?” I nod my head in response but, at the same time, my eyes burn. He wraps his arm around me and presses his lips to my temple. “Okay, let’s get you home.”
The second he says, it I begin to wonder where home actually is. Suddenly a thousand doubts are fluttering through my mind and I don’t know what to do about any of them.
******
Silas has been ever attentive but he has to go back to work at some point. He’s missed classes and work for me, surprisingly. It’s proof that he cares; that’s for sure. I appreciate him being here but, at the same time, I’m not used to being around somebody so much and I’m most definitely not used to Silas in such large doses.
He’s very opinionated. I’m not sure if I like that.
I’ve been casting a lot of comparisons recently, which is unfair. I suppose it’s expected, with everything that has happened to me lately.
My arm hurts. My body aches still. My neck won’t move properly.
But I’m alive and that’s all that matters.
I’m alive and happy and well.
“I’m just saying…” I allow his voice to trail off as I picture nicer things than this conversation.
At the moment Silas is always ‘just saying.’ Normally he’s ‘just saying’ about a lot of things he doesn’t have a clue about.
I’m grouchy. I can’t help it and now I feel even worse for taking it out on somebody who is doing his best to take care of me.
“I agree.” I lie, mostly so he stops. I also do agree with the fact that he’s ‘just
Similar Books
