show of bravery, he stood up for himself. Sort of. “But I’ll smoke a bowl for you when you’re gone.” He puffed out his chest. “Then I’ll piss on your grave.”
Frank started laughing and clapped Niño on the shoulder. “Better find someone else to pick on.” He was better at playing the game.
“Fuck off.” Niño shrugged off Frank’s hand.
“It’s so cute when you act like you’ve got balls, Niña.” I smiled at him. It helped my popularity when I called him a girl. “Maybe you can borrow one of mine sometime.”
“See? I told you it had balls.” Frank nudged Niño.
“Hey,” Jackson protested. “Show some respect.”
Damn. That weed must have had special powers or something.
“It’s cool, man.” I grabbed the strap of his AK and pulled him forward with me. “We’ll see you guys at camp.”
“Can’t wait.” Frank grinned in a way that made my stomach turn as he nudged Niño up the path.
I was so fucked.
*
Marco was already passed out when I climbed into our tent later that night. I crawled into my sleeping bag and tried to force myself to sleep. It didn’t work. Nights were bad. If I slept, I saw her. Not just her, but him raping her. And that wasn’t pleasant.
If I stayed awake, I thought about my best friend and what he’d looked like the last time I’d seen him. In those drifting moments when I was approaching sleep, I’d start wishing I could see her again. And as I started to nod off, I’d think how good it would feel even if she slapped me because at least she would be touching me.
In the morning, I would only feel pathetic for wanting her. Still.
Twice, I’d tried jacking off, but nothing happened. Thinking of her just made me cry, and thinking of other girls just made me bored. After I made it through the boredom and the tears, coming was the last thing on my mind. And I still couldn’t sleep.
When I finally crashed that night, it was fucking late. Immediately, I slid into the dream. By now, I knew the end, but I couldn’t stop it. There was only one difference now. Right before I shot her I could hear her, like she was next to me, blaming me, telling me it was my fault. She was a bitch even in my dreams.
The scream didn’t wake me, but the hand clamped over my mouth did. It was dark and all I could see were white teeth. I frantically tried to push off the body angled over my chest, but I couldn’t move. He was so heavy.
“Stop it,” he whispered.
I kept moving, trying to push him off. This was how I was gonna die.
“Cooper. It’s Marco. Stop fighting me.”
The familiar voice finally penetrated my fucked up head. I didn’t even register the name until after. With difficulty, I managed to stop fighting him, but I continued to shiver.
“You cool, homie?”
I nodded. He removed his hand.
“Was I screaming again?” I asked him, my voice low.
“Not yet.” Marco sat back on his own sleeping bag. “Just moanin’ and twitchin’ and shit.” He shook his head. “Whatever you’re seeing, I don’t ever wanna see.”
“Sorry.” Nearly every night, he’d woken me up the exact same way. The only nights he hadn’t were the nights I didn’t sleep. “Thanks for waking me.”
Marco pursed his lips and nodded. “The guys can’t know, you know?”
I did know. Waking yourself up screaming every night ’cause you’ve got bad dreams is a sign of weakness. I couldn’t show weakness. Now more than ever.
He hesitated a second then, “You wanna talk about it?”
I shook my head.
“Gotcha covered.” Maybe he meant in the future. Marco got back in his own sleeping bag. He was out in five minutes.
I didn’t go back to sleep that night.
*
“How’s it looking?” I grabbed the lantern off the table and moved it so Jackson could see inside the bag he was holding.
“Awesome.” He pulled the bag open wider and angled it toward the light. “The guys are pros, you know?” He opened another bag. “No stems, no
Frank started laughing and clapped Niño on the shoulder. “Better find someone else to pick on.” He was better at playing the game.
“Fuck off.” Niño shrugged off Frank’s hand.
“It’s so cute when you act like you’ve got balls, Niña.” I smiled at him. It helped my popularity when I called him a girl. “Maybe you can borrow one of mine sometime.”
“See? I told you it had balls.” Frank nudged Niño.
“Hey,” Jackson protested. “Show some respect.”
Damn. That weed must have had special powers or something.
“It’s cool, man.” I grabbed the strap of his AK and pulled him forward with me. “We’ll see you guys at camp.”
“Can’t wait.” Frank grinned in a way that made my stomach turn as he nudged Niño up the path.
I was so fucked.
*
Marco was already passed out when I climbed into our tent later that night. I crawled into my sleeping bag and tried to force myself to sleep. It didn’t work. Nights were bad. If I slept, I saw her. Not just her, but him raping her. And that wasn’t pleasant.
If I stayed awake, I thought about my best friend and what he’d looked like the last time I’d seen him. In those drifting moments when I was approaching sleep, I’d start wishing I could see her again. And as I started to nod off, I’d think how good it would feel even if she slapped me because at least she would be touching me.
In the morning, I would only feel pathetic for wanting her. Still.
Twice, I’d tried jacking off, but nothing happened. Thinking of her just made me cry, and thinking of other girls just made me bored. After I made it through the boredom and the tears, coming was the last thing on my mind. And I still couldn’t sleep.
When I finally crashed that night, it was fucking late. Immediately, I slid into the dream. By now, I knew the end, but I couldn’t stop it. There was only one difference now. Right before I shot her I could hear her, like she was next to me, blaming me, telling me it was my fault. She was a bitch even in my dreams.
The scream didn’t wake me, but the hand clamped over my mouth did. It was dark and all I could see were white teeth. I frantically tried to push off the body angled over my chest, but I couldn’t move. He was so heavy.
“Stop it,” he whispered.
I kept moving, trying to push him off. This was how I was gonna die.
“Cooper. It’s Marco. Stop fighting me.”
The familiar voice finally penetrated my fucked up head. I didn’t even register the name until after. With difficulty, I managed to stop fighting him, but I continued to shiver.
“You cool, homie?”
I nodded. He removed his hand.
“Was I screaming again?” I asked him, my voice low.
“Not yet.” Marco sat back on his own sleeping bag. “Just moanin’ and twitchin’ and shit.” He shook his head. “Whatever you’re seeing, I don’t ever wanna see.”
“Sorry.” Nearly every night, he’d woken me up the exact same way. The only nights he hadn’t were the nights I didn’t sleep. “Thanks for waking me.”
Marco pursed his lips and nodded. “The guys can’t know, you know?”
I did know. Waking yourself up screaming every night ’cause you’ve got bad dreams is a sign of weakness. I couldn’t show weakness. Now more than ever.
He hesitated a second then, “You wanna talk about it?”
I shook my head.
“Gotcha covered.” Maybe he meant in the future. Marco got back in his own sleeping bag. He was out in five minutes.
I didn’t go back to sleep that night.
*
“How’s it looking?” I grabbed the lantern off the table and moved it so Jackson could see inside the bag he was holding.
“Awesome.” He pulled the bag open wider and angled it toward the light. “The guys are pros, you know?” He opened another bag. “No stems, no
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