Different Loving: The World of Sexual Dominance and Submission by Gloria G. Brame, William D. Brame, Jon Jacobs Page B
Tags: Sex, Education & Reference, Reference, Health; Fitness & Dieting, Self-Help, Love & Romance, Psychology & Counseling, Relationships, Sexuality
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didn’t know you could do things like that to the human body. He’s very loving and gentle and has a very delicate touch. It feels really wonderful. One feels very trusting—at least one should. To me, it’s actually lovemaking.
What I found out from going out with him for a while was that he was interesting, that he was really fun, that he was the kind of person with whom I would like to spend time outside of [a D&S] situation. And I started falling in love with him. I hadn’t expected that at all. What I found from talking to him and talking to other people who were in the Scene was that I was not a weirdo. There are plenty of other people who grew up in nice little suburban areas doing the same thing. They didn’t die. God didn’t hit them with a thunderbolt. It didn’t ruin your life. Which surprised me. I thought I was on the highway to hell.
If I could do anything in D&S, I’d really like to help educate people. It’s hard, because with my job I’m not exactly going to come out and say, “Hi! I’m in D&S, and I’m happy!” Because people are going to say, “Uh huh! And you also don’t have a job!” But I think that, on an individual basis, I could talk to people who are upset by the fantasies that they have and reassure them that there are normal people doing this. I’m healthy and happy. This is not something for everybody, but if you want to do it, you won’t drop dead. [Just] be careful about choosing who you do it with.
L EONARD
I’m somewhere between heterosexual and bisexual, switchable, but predominantly dominant. I haven’t the foggiest idea how my D&S interests developed. Corporal punishment and discipline had no part in my upbringing, so none of that ever had a charge for me. I do vaguely remember a kind of excitement to tying people up or being tied up in [playing] cowboys andIndians when I was around nine years old. They probably reoccurred at 11 or 12 with mixed-gender play. “Hey, maybe we can get some girls and we can make them be Indians!” But it was not a childhood obsession. And even as a late adolescent I wasn’t really conscious of it, although I suspect it was there.
I was always a sensualist, so it was a place to explore. The trouble was I really couldn’t at the time envision my lover surrendering and enduring humiliation and pain. So it grew in little steps. When I was in my mid-20s, in graduate school, I was involved with a woman who was about 10 years older than me who had grown up in Germany and was a business executive. We spent several nights a week at her home. I deferred to her. She would get very impatient with me and say, “Be a man. Tell me what to do. I’ll do anything you want as long as I don’t have to make the decision! I do that all day long; I get tired of bossing men around.” I discovered she would do anything I wanted and enjoy it. Where we went to dinner, what movie, and also sexually, I could give her orders. And she would beg to be taken, and so I said, “Well, you know, somebody I love and respect
can
play this role, maybe not like [in] the fantasy fiction, but there are elements of reality [to it].”
Victoria will ask occasionally to take her collar off and for me to just make love to her rather than have her serve me. I do, and I really wonder whether an observer could tell the difference in our lovemaking. But for her, it is symbolic, and I can appreciate that. Obviously the observer could tell the difference from the times when she’s bound, when spanking is involved, when she’s covered in clothespins, or [when] nipple clamps are being screwed down as I make love to her. On the other hand, words have the [erotic] power of possession and control. So even while making physically very gentle love, [we] have given it a D&S spin by the labels we attach.
We playfully try to extend our D&S relationship out of the bedroom and into our lives a little bit. She will often address me as “sir.” I come from a very liberal background where
What I found out from going out with him for a while was that he was interesting, that he was really fun, that he was the kind of person with whom I would like to spend time outside of [a D&S] situation. And I started falling in love with him. I hadn’t expected that at all. What I found from talking to him and talking to other people who were in the Scene was that I was not a weirdo. There are plenty of other people who grew up in nice little suburban areas doing the same thing. They didn’t die. God didn’t hit them with a thunderbolt. It didn’t ruin your life. Which surprised me. I thought I was on the highway to hell.
If I could do anything in D&S, I’d really like to help educate people. It’s hard, because with my job I’m not exactly going to come out and say, “Hi! I’m in D&S, and I’m happy!” Because people are going to say, “Uh huh! And you also don’t have a job!” But I think that, on an individual basis, I could talk to people who are upset by the fantasies that they have and reassure them that there are normal people doing this. I’m healthy and happy. This is not something for everybody, but if you want to do it, you won’t drop dead. [Just] be careful about choosing who you do it with.
L EONARD
I’m somewhere between heterosexual and bisexual, switchable, but predominantly dominant. I haven’t the foggiest idea how my D&S interests developed. Corporal punishment and discipline had no part in my upbringing, so none of that ever had a charge for me. I do vaguely remember a kind of excitement to tying people up or being tied up in [playing] cowboys andIndians when I was around nine years old. They probably reoccurred at 11 or 12 with mixed-gender play. “Hey, maybe we can get some girls and we can make them be Indians!” But it was not a childhood obsession. And even as a late adolescent I wasn’t really conscious of it, although I suspect it was there.
I was always a sensualist, so it was a place to explore. The trouble was I really couldn’t at the time envision my lover surrendering and enduring humiliation and pain. So it grew in little steps. When I was in my mid-20s, in graduate school, I was involved with a woman who was about 10 years older than me who had grown up in Germany and was a business executive. We spent several nights a week at her home. I deferred to her. She would get very impatient with me and say, “Be a man. Tell me what to do. I’ll do anything you want as long as I don’t have to make the decision! I do that all day long; I get tired of bossing men around.” I discovered she would do anything I wanted and enjoy it. Where we went to dinner, what movie, and also sexually, I could give her orders. And she would beg to be taken, and so I said, “Well, you know, somebody I love and respect
can
play this role, maybe not like [in] the fantasy fiction, but there are elements of reality [to it].”
Victoria will ask occasionally to take her collar off and for me to just make love to her rather than have her serve me. I do, and I really wonder whether an observer could tell the difference in our lovemaking. But for her, it is symbolic, and I can appreciate that. Obviously the observer could tell the difference from the times when she’s bound, when spanking is involved, when she’s covered in clothespins, or [when] nipple clamps are being screwed down as I make love to her. On the other hand, words have the [erotic] power of possession and control. So even while making physically very gentle love, [we] have given it a D&S spin by the labels we attach.
We playfully try to extend our D&S relationship out of the bedroom and into our lives a little bit. She will often address me as “sir.” I come from a very liberal background where
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