doesn’t believe me,” Allison said quietly to the void. “If Jane won’t listen, no one will listen.”
“Come on,” I said again. “Give those to me.”
She popped the top off the bottle.
“Don’t come any closer,” she said. “Go.”
I had twelve thoughts at once. I would call 911. Iwould my dad. I would call Lanalee. Strangely, it flashed through my mind to call Owen since he was clearly waiting to hear from me. I would bound across the room and snatch the bottle and take them myself. The ceiling would fall down, knocking them from her hand.
“Go,” she said. “I don’t want you to watch.”
“I’m not going.”
“Okay.” She dropped three of them into her palm. I could see she was shaking now. “I’ll take them if you
don’t
go. I shouldn’t have told you. I shouldn’t have gotten you involved. Just
get out
.”
She held the pill an inch from her bottom lip and glared at me through watery eyes. I had no choice now. I bolted out the door and into the food court. I skidded back to our table, where Elton was scowling at my clam roll.
“Get up!” I said. “It’s an emergency!”
“What?”
“Allison’s threatening to kill herself.”
“
Kill
herself?” he repeated. He looked around the food court, obviously thinking what I would have thought—people don’t threaten to kill themselves in places like these. They get cheese fries instead and opt to do it more slowly, on a thirty-year plan.
“She’s got a bottle of penicillin,” I said. “That’s why she brought us here. She’s threatening to take them.”
He needed no further explanation. He was up in a shot.
We arrived in the bathroom to find that Allison was standing in front of the mirror, twisting up a lipstick.
“Al,” I said, immediately quieting down. “It’s okay. We’re both here now. Tell me you didn’t take them.”
“Take what?”
“Those penicillin.”
“I can’t take penicillin,” she said. “It would kill me.”
Elton threw me a baffled look.
Was my mind playing tricks on me? Her eye makeup was a bit smudged and her eyes were red, but otherwise, she was totally calm. Maybe this is what suicidal people were like—switching moods on a dime.
“I want you to give me the bottle,” I said. “Come on now. You know we care about you.”
“What bottle?”
“You know what bottle.”
Elton was glancing between us, deciding which story seemed more plausible.
“There is no bottle,” she said. “If you don’t believe me, here.”
She held out the tiny Coach bag. Elton stepped forward and took it. He pulled out the cell phone, a small wallet, some keys, and an eyeliner. He turned it upside down and shook it and then carefully replaced everything.
“They could be anywhere,” I said. “They could be in the trash.”
“There are no pills,” Allison said. “Jane, why are you saying this?”
Elton had made up his mind.
“I’m going,” he said firmly. “I’ll meet you out there, Al.”
She nodded, still looking adorably confused by the whole thing.
“What are you
doing
?” I said.
“Jane,” she said, her face falling. “Just forget everything I said, okay? And what I did.”
“What do you mean,
forget
it?”
“Don’t get involved. I don’t need you to. I don’t want you to. I want you to go. Just go. I promise I won’t hurt myself, but go.”
So I did.
Elton was waiting just outside the door, holding my bag.
“That was not okay,” he said, passing it to me. He wouldn’t even look at me. “If this was some kind of trick to get us back together or something, then it was sick and it didn’t work. I think you should leave.”
Both of them were telling me to go, and both seemed to mean it. So I put my bag over my shoulder and left.
nineteen
Here is a simple psychological trick that I first developed when trying to get over my fear of getting blood drawn. It works when you are confronted by anything horrible.
First, when the horrible thing or idea comes near
“Come on,” I said again. “Give those to me.”
She popped the top off the bottle.
“Don’t come any closer,” she said. “Go.”
I had twelve thoughts at once. I would call 911. Iwould my dad. I would call Lanalee. Strangely, it flashed through my mind to call Owen since he was clearly waiting to hear from me. I would bound across the room and snatch the bottle and take them myself. The ceiling would fall down, knocking them from her hand.
“Go,” she said. “I don’t want you to watch.”
“I’m not going.”
“Okay.” She dropped three of them into her palm. I could see she was shaking now. “I’ll take them if you
don’t
go. I shouldn’t have told you. I shouldn’t have gotten you involved. Just
get out
.”
She held the pill an inch from her bottom lip and glared at me through watery eyes. I had no choice now. I bolted out the door and into the food court. I skidded back to our table, where Elton was scowling at my clam roll.
“Get up!” I said. “It’s an emergency!”
“What?”
“Allison’s threatening to kill herself.”
“
Kill
herself?” he repeated. He looked around the food court, obviously thinking what I would have thought—people don’t threaten to kill themselves in places like these. They get cheese fries instead and opt to do it more slowly, on a thirty-year plan.
“She’s got a bottle of penicillin,” I said. “That’s why she brought us here. She’s threatening to take them.”
He needed no further explanation. He was up in a shot.
We arrived in the bathroom to find that Allison was standing in front of the mirror, twisting up a lipstick.
“Al,” I said, immediately quieting down. “It’s okay. We’re both here now. Tell me you didn’t take them.”
“Take what?”
“Those penicillin.”
“I can’t take penicillin,” she said. “It would kill me.”
Elton threw me a baffled look.
Was my mind playing tricks on me? Her eye makeup was a bit smudged and her eyes were red, but otherwise, she was totally calm. Maybe this is what suicidal people were like—switching moods on a dime.
“I want you to give me the bottle,” I said. “Come on now. You know we care about you.”
“What bottle?”
“You know what bottle.”
Elton was glancing between us, deciding which story seemed more plausible.
“There is no bottle,” she said. “If you don’t believe me, here.”
She held out the tiny Coach bag. Elton stepped forward and took it. He pulled out the cell phone, a small wallet, some keys, and an eyeliner. He turned it upside down and shook it and then carefully replaced everything.
“They could be anywhere,” I said. “They could be in the trash.”
“There are no pills,” Allison said. “Jane, why are you saying this?”
Elton had made up his mind.
“I’m going,” he said firmly. “I’ll meet you out there, Al.”
She nodded, still looking adorably confused by the whole thing.
“What are you
doing
?” I said.
“Jane,” she said, her face falling. “Just forget everything I said, okay? And what I did.”
“What do you mean,
forget
it?”
“Don’t get involved. I don’t need you to. I don’t want you to. I want you to go. Just go. I promise I won’t hurt myself, but go.”
So I did.
Elton was waiting just outside the door, holding my bag.
“That was not okay,” he said, passing it to me. He wouldn’t even look at me. “If this was some kind of trick to get us back together or something, then it was sick and it didn’t work. I think you should leave.”
Both of them were telling me to go, and both seemed to mean it. So I put my bag over my shoulder and left.
nineteen
Here is a simple psychological trick that I first developed when trying to get over my fear of getting blood drawn. It works when you are confronted by anything horrible.
First, when the horrible thing or idea comes near
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