around a tree, anticipating an exuberant opening of gifts or of joyful dinners with friends and family. Then there were her college years—the years immediately following her mother’s death—years when she stayed away from Savannah because it was easier to be alone than to face the unspoken accusation that she was responsible for her mother’s demise. Ellis had, after all, pleaded with her mother to attend the high school’s outdoor graduation ceremony. Nicolas and Anika never said so in as many words, but she knew they blamed her, and not only for their mother’s early grave, but also for the even more pronounced reclusiveness of their father following her passing.
Maybe her family history was part of what made hooking up with Becky Blumfeld so appealing. Casting her lot in with a nonpracticing Jew alleviated the need to mess with all the typical Christmas trappings. And since she felt no warmth from (or for) her father and her siblings, all the better to steer clear of them altogether and not subject herself to the endless questions she had about why there was such a void between them.
The last time Ellis had seen Nicolas and Anika had been at their father’s funeral, four years earlier. Neither her brother nor her sister had sent so much as a postcard in the intervening four years. Then again, she hadn’t kept the postal service hopping with correspondence to them, either.
So what?
When she and Becky were still together, it didn’t matter that she felt like an only child. She had a home, a family, a future.
That was enough.
Enough for Ellis, but not enough for Becky.
Why hadn’t Becky been able to see that adding a baby to the mix would have ruined everything? Criminy, even having a nine-year-old around was a pain. How many perfectly wonderful kisses—kisses that might have led to all the things Ellis longed to do with Mary—had Natalie interrupted?
Natalie.
Try as she might, Ellis couldn’t help but miss her. Not as much as she missed Mary. Not by a damned sight. But she missed watching the way Natalie interacted with Sam and Swiffer. Missed how she’d unexpectedly throw her arms around Ellis and give her a hug. Missed the quick-witted-bordering-on-cheeky remarks she’d make to her mother. Missed the special look that passed over Mary’s face whenever Mary saw Ellis and Natalie hunkered together over a book or a computer game or Natalie’s homework.
Maybe Becky hadn’t been totally wrong in wanting a child, but why couldn’t children be a part-time proposition? Couldn’t they at least come with a remote control and a mute button—or better still, a pause button?
Swiffer was in her customary spot on the back of the sofa. Sam was on the floor at Ellis’s feet. Ellis gave each of them an appreciative rub. Furry kids. Now, that made sense. You could love them. They loved you back, but they never got nose rings or tattoos. They didn’t date unsavory characters who rode motorcycles and wore leather vests and thought selling coffee at the local dive was the pinnacle of employment aspirations. You didn’t have to save for their college or wedding fund or figure out how to pay for their auto insurance.
Ellis still hadn’t found an opportunity to sound out Mary about Nathan’s love life. Maybe he was on the verge of remarrying. Sure, Mary would need an adjustment period if Nathan became the primary parent and she had Natalie alternate weekends or something, but with the right incentives…
Maybe right after the second time they made love, she’d find a way to work the subject into the conversation. And if she had her way, the second time they made love would be no later than the coming weekend.
∗ ∗ ∗ ∗
Ellis recognized the caller ID and scooped up the phone on the second ring. “Hi, sweetheart. I’d hoped to hear from you yesterday.”
“Sorry. I really thought I’d get a chance to call, but what was already the Christmas from hell took a hard left at You Can’t Be
Maybe her family history was part of what made hooking up with Becky Blumfeld so appealing. Casting her lot in with a nonpracticing Jew alleviated the need to mess with all the typical Christmas trappings. And since she felt no warmth from (or for) her father and her siblings, all the better to steer clear of them altogether and not subject herself to the endless questions she had about why there was such a void between them.
The last time Ellis had seen Nicolas and Anika had been at their father’s funeral, four years earlier. Neither her brother nor her sister had sent so much as a postcard in the intervening four years. Then again, she hadn’t kept the postal service hopping with correspondence to them, either.
So what?
When she and Becky were still together, it didn’t matter that she felt like an only child. She had a home, a family, a future.
That was enough.
Enough for Ellis, but not enough for Becky.
Why hadn’t Becky been able to see that adding a baby to the mix would have ruined everything? Criminy, even having a nine-year-old around was a pain. How many perfectly wonderful kisses—kisses that might have led to all the things Ellis longed to do with Mary—had Natalie interrupted?
Natalie.
Try as she might, Ellis couldn’t help but miss her. Not as much as she missed Mary. Not by a damned sight. But she missed watching the way Natalie interacted with Sam and Swiffer. Missed how she’d unexpectedly throw her arms around Ellis and give her a hug. Missed the quick-witted-bordering-on-cheeky remarks she’d make to her mother. Missed the special look that passed over Mary’s face whenever Mary saw Ellis and Natalie hunkered together over a book or a computer game or Natalie’s homework.
Maybe Becky hadn’t been totally wrong in wanting a child, but why couldn’t children be a part-time proposition? Couldn’t they at least come with a remote control and a mute button—or better still, a pause button?
Swiffer was in her customary spot on the back of the sofa. Sam was on the floor at Ellis’s feet. Ellis gave each of them an appreciative rub. Furry kids. Now, that made sense. You could love them. They loved you back, but they never got nose rings or tattoos. They didn’t date unsavory characters who rode motorcycles and wore leather vests and thought selling coffee at the local dive was the pinnacle of employment aspirations. You didn’t have to save for their college or wedding fund or figure out how to pay for their auto insurance.
Ellis still hadn’t found an opportunity to sound out Mary about Nathan’s love life. Maybe he was on the verge of remarrying. Sure, Mary would need an adjustment period if Nathan became the primary parent and she had Natalie alternate weekends or something, but with the right incentives…
Maybe right after the second time they made love, she’d find a way to work the subject into the conversation. And if she had her way, the second time they made love would be no later than the coming weekend.
∗ ∗ ∗ ∗
Ellis recognized the caller ID and scooped up the phone on the second ring. “Hi, sweetheart. I’d hoped to hear from you yesterday.”
“Sorry. I really thought I’d get a chance to call, but what was already the Christmas from hell took a hard left at You Can’t Be
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