Desperation of Love by Alice Montalvo-Tribue Page B

I’m more than ready to go for round two. She wraps her legs around my waist and giggles. “Again?”
    “Yeah.” I grin, kissing the exposed skin of her neck. “We have to do it as much as we can now because one day, when we’re a really old married couple and I’ve built up an immunity to all the performance enhancing drugs, we’ll have these moments to look back on,” I say, trying to keep a straight face.
    She laughs, lifts up her head to kiss my cheek and then looks me in the eye. “I’ll never get married, Alex,” she says, shaking her head. “This is enough for me. Allowing myself to be in this relationship is more than I ever thought I’d let myself have. I don’t think I could handle more than that.”
    And just like that, the moment is dead. I release her hands and lift myself off her, bringing myself to a sitting position next to her. She sits up as well, sensing that we’re about to have this discussion. “I respect your feelings on marriage, babe. I know why you feel the way you do, but I just don’t think you should rule it out completely. You don’t know how you’re going to feel about it in a year or two.” 
    She curls up into my lap, wraps her arms around my neck and lets out a sigh. “Can we just agree that now is not the time to talk about this? It’s just too soon.”
    “Yeah, we can do that,” I relent, grabbing onto her hips.
    She tilts her head and looks at me for a moment. “I hate that look.”
    “What look?”
    “The look of disappointment. I seem to put it on your face a lot.”
    “Don’t. Don’t do that,” I say, sliding my arms around her waist. “I don’t want you to feel bad for being yourself or telling me the truth. I’m not always going to like what you have to say but I still want to hear it.”
    “But you are disappointed?”
    “I don’t know if disappointed is the word I’d use.”
    “What then?”
    “I don’t know, Jordan. Sad, maybe? That you still won’t allow yourself to accept this fully and not fear the future. We have no control over any of it, so why let it stop you from doing what you want? It’s not like I’m going to ask you to marry me tomorrow or next year even. I guess I’d just like to know that I have the option if I want to do it one day.”
    She buries her face in the crook of my neck. “I’ll think about it, okay?”
    “That’s all I ask.” I hold onto her a little tighter and place a kiss on her forehead.
     
    Jordan telling me that she never wants to get married came as a shock. Why it shocked me, I have no idea. This is the girl who didn’t even want to have a relationship, so why would it surprise me that she doesn’t want to get married either? It makes sense that she would feel that way. I guess I just never really thought about it. I never really thought about myself getting married either, but now that she’s in my life, I assumed that would be an eventuality. It’s the natural progression of a relationship and I decided that I want it one day because I love her, but she’s never admitted that she loves me. I get the feeling that she does but I don’t know if she can even recognize the emotion, or if she’s too deep in denial to realize it. I catch movement out of the corner of my eye and realize that Victor is sitting across the room.
    I nod in his general direction. “When did you get here?”
    “A few minutes ago. You wanna tell me what’s going on with you?” he questions as he sorts through a stack of papers sitting on his desk.
    “What kind of question is that? What do you mean?”
    He shrugs his shoulders. “You were off in space just now.” He pauses for second before starting up again. “You know, Ellie and I thought we would see you more often once you moved down here, but I think we see you less now than we did when you lived in the city.”
    “I’m just adjusting. I’m getting my house together, working out, getting this place up and running. I’m just busy.” I can hear the