too much.
Upon my noting the impression I was making, I stopped for a minute, half sorry I had frightened him, but then, all at once, I felt how sweet it was to be able to make one’s listener thoroughly uncomfortable. So I smiled and continued thus:
“You must forgive me, Felix, for all this chatter, but, you see, I seldom have occasion to take my soul for an outing. Then, too, I am in a great hurry to demonstrate myself from all sides, for I want to give you an exhaustive description of the man with whom you will have to work, the more so as the work in question will be directly concerned with our resemblance. Tell me, do you know what an understudy is?”
He shook his head, his lower lip drooped; I had long observed that he breathed preferably through his mouth—his nose being stuffed up, or something.
“If you don’t, let me explain. Imagine that the manager of a film company—you have been to the cinema, haven’t you?”
“Well, yes.…”
“Good. So imagine that such a manager or director … Excuse me, friend, you seem to be wanting to say something?”
“Well, I haven’t been
often
. When I want to spend money I find something better than pictures.”
“Agreed, but there are people who think differently—if there weren’t, then there wouldn’t be such a profession as mine, would there? So, as I was saying, a director has offered me, for a small remuneration—something like ten thousand dollars—just a trifle, certainly, just air, but prices have dropped nowadays—to act in a film where the hero is a musician. This suits me admirably, as in real life I love music too, and can play several instruments. On summer evenings I sometimes take my violin to the nearest grove—but to get back to the point—an understudy, Felix, is a person who can, in case of emergency, replace a given actor.
“The actor plays his part, with the camera shooting him; an insignificant little scene remains to be done; the hero, say, is to drive past in his car; but he can’t, he is in bed with a bad cold. There is no time to be lost, and so his double takes over and coolly sails past in the car (splendid that you can manage cars) and when at last the film is shown, not a single spectator is aware of the substitution. The better the likeness, the dearer its price. There even exist special companies whose business consists in supplying movie stars with star ghosts. And the life of the ghost is fine, seeing he gets a fixed salary but has to work only occasionally, and not much of work either—just putting on exactly the same clothes as the hero, and whizzing past in a smart car, in the hero’s stead, that’s all! Naturally an understudy ought not to blab about his job; there would be the hell of a row if some reportergot wind of the stratagem and the public learned that a bit of its pet actor’s part had been faked. You understand now why I was so delightfully excited at finding in you an exact replica of myself. That has always been one of my fondest dreams. Just think how much it means to me—especially at present when the filming has started, and I, a man of delicate health, am cast for the leading part. If anything happens to me they at once call you, you arrive—”
“Nobody calls me and I arrive nowhere,” interrupted Felix.
“Why do you speak like that, my dear chap?” said I, with a note of gentle rebuke.
“Because,” said Felix, “it is unkind of you to pull a poor man’s leg. First I believed you. I thought you’d offer me some honest work. It’s been a long dreary tramp coming here. Look at the state of my soles … and now, instead of work—no, it doesn’t suit me.”
“I’m afraid there is a slight misunderstanding,” I said softly. “What I’m offering you is neither debasing, nor unduly complicated. We’ll sign an agreement. You’ll get a hundred marks per month from me. Let me repeat: the job is ridiculously easy; child’s play—you know the way children dress up to
Upon my noting the impression I was making, I stopped for a minute, half sorry I had frightened him, but then, all at once, I felt how sweet it was to be able to make one’s listener thoroughly uncomfortable. So I smiled and continued thus:
“You must forgive me, Felix, for all this chatter, but, you see, I seldom have occasion to take my soul for an outing. Then, too, I am in a great hurry to demonstrate myself from all sides, for I want to give you an exhaustive description of the man with whom you will have to work, the more so as the work in question will be directly concerned with our resemblance. Tell me, do you know what an understudy is?”
He shook his head, his lower lip drooped; I had long observed that he breathed preferably through his mouth—his nose being stuffed up, or something.
“If you don’t, let me explain. Imagine that the manager of a film company—you have been to the cinema, haven’t you?”
“Well, yes.…”
“Good. So imagine that such a manager or director … Excuse me, friend, you seem to be wanting to say something?”
“Well, I haven’t been
often
. When I want to spend money I find something better than pictures.”
“Agreed, but there are people who think differently—if there weren’t, then there wouldn’t be such a profession as mine, would there? So, as I was saying, a director has offered me, for a small remuneration—something like ten thousand dollars—just a trifle, certainly, just air, but prices have dropped nowadays—to act in a film where the hero is a musician. This suits me admirably, as in real life I love music too, and can play several instruments. On summer evenings I sometimes take my violin to the nearest grove—but to get back to the point—an understudy, Felix, is a person who can, in case of emergency, replace a given actor.
“The actor plays his part, with the camera shooting him; an insignificant little scene remains to be done; the hero, say, is to drive past in his car; but he can’t, he is in bed with a bad cold. There is no time to be lost, and so his double takes over and coolly sails past in the car (splendid that you can manage cars) and when at last the film is shown, not a single spectator is aware of the substitution. The better the likeness, the dearer its price. There even exist special companies whose business consists in supplying movie stars with star ghosts. And the life of the ghost is fine, seeing he gets a fixed salary but has to work only occasionally, and not much of work either—just putting on exactly the same clothes as the hero, and whizzing past in a smart car, in the hero’s stead, that’s all! Naturally an understudy ought not to blab about his job; there would be the hell of a row if some reportergot wind of the stratagem and the public learned that a bit of its pet actor’s part had been faked. You understand now why I was so delightfully excited at finding in you an exact replica of myself. That has always been one of my fondest dreams. Just think how much it means to me—especially at present when the filming has started, and I, a man of delicate health, am cast for the leading part. If anything happens to me they at once call you, you arrive—”
“Nobody calls me and I arrive nowhere,” interrupted Felix.
“Why do you speak like that, my dear chap?” said I, with a note of gentle rebuke.
“Because,” said Felix, “it is unkind of you to pull a poor man’s leg. First I believed you. I thought you’d offer me some honest work. It’s been a long dreary tramp coming here. Look at the state of my soles … and now, instead of work—no, it doesn’t suit me.”
“I’m afraid there is a slight misunderstanding,” I said softly. “What I’m offering you is neither debasing, nor unduly complicated. We’ll sign an agreement. You’ll get a hundred marks per month from me. Let me repeat: the job is ridiculously easy; child’s play—you know the way children dress up to
Similar Books
