need breakfast.’
He looked down at the paper and mumbled something about coffee at the hospital.
She said, ‘Are you trying to tell me you don’t want to stay tonight?’
‘It’s not that I don’t want to.’
‘Then what?’
‘I just feel I should go home.’
The elephant was squashing her against the wall. ‘Is this because of what I said earlier?’
‘What did you say earlier?’
She knew he knew. She could feel his back was up. If she repeated it they’d end up shouting and he’d storm out. If he was going to leave, she didn’t want it to be like that. ‘I can make you breakfast here if you’d prefer.’
He folded the paper and looked at the clock on the wall. ‘I’d better go.’
She sat there while he went into the bedroom and dressed. So much for the new Ella. So much for balance and happiness and peace.
*
After the bath, they got into bed and Linsey curved herself against Carly’s warm back, cupping her bare hip in her hand.
‘You’re shaking,’ Carly said.
Linsey pressed her face into Carly’s shoulder. ‘Life’s so fucking short.’
‘I know.’ Carly turned over and brushed Linsey’s hair back from her face, then traced the curve of her ear. ‘Will you move in with me?’
Linsey hesitated. ‘We’ve talked about this.’
‘I know. I’m asking you again anyway.’
‘It would mean . . .’
‘It wouldn’t,’ Carly said. ‘We’d do like you suggested before. You’ll say you’re my flatmate, and we’ll pretend the spare room is yours.’
Linsey blinked away tears.
‘You said it yourself, life’s so short,’ Carly went on. ‘I want us to be together properly, yes. But if I can’t have that, I want us to be together as much as we can. So we’ll work it however you need to.’ She tucked Linsey’s hair behind her ear. ‘Alicia’s dead, and all her plans and ideas are gone too. It makes me think about how I want to live, and whether I’m doing all I can to get there. So if we have to pretend to be flatmates, then we will. I don’t want to be apart from you any more.’
Linsey felt Carly’s hand cup the back of her neck, felt the warmth of her body, the movement of her ribs as she breathed. She keeps me warm.
‘Okay, but not that way,’ she said.
Carly looked at her.
‘I don’t want anything to do with the spare room,’ Linsey said. ‘I want to move in with you as your girlfriend.’ The words, the thought, made her heart hammer.
Carly opened her mouth but didn’t speak.
‘I’m going to tell them,’ Linsey said. ‘Whatever the cost. I want to live the way I want, with you. And I know I’ve said that before, but this time is different. I’m going to do it.’
Carly pulled her close and wrapped her up tight. ‘And it’ll be okay,’ she murmured. ‘Everything’s going to be okay.’
Linsey pressed her head to Carly’s chest. She heard her heart beating, loud and strong. She felt her hand smooth her hair. She knew Carly was right, but at the same time she knew there would be a price to pay for that okayness. And despite her love for Carly, she was frightened of how high that price might be.
Eleven
E lla called Callum at six thirty the next morning to wish him happy birthday but got voicemail. He must already be at the hospital, she thought. After he’d left last night she’d tried to keep being the new Ella, not thinking constantly about work, but that meant she just dwelled on the elephant. It was better to muse over Morris, and Hibbins, and what Carly’d said about Tessa. She felt much more comfortable thinking that way, puzzling things out.
She showered and ate breakfast with the TV on, and was brushing her teeth when the word ‘ambulance’ caught her ear.
‘The widow of John Butcher, eighty-two, who died after an ambulance took thirty-three minutes to respond to his call for help, has this morning staged a one-woman protest outside State Parliament,’ the newsreader said.
There was footage of an old grey-haired woman
He looked down at the paper and mumbled something about coffee at the hospital.
She said, ‘Are you trying to tell me you don’t want to stay tonight?’
‘It’s not that I don’t want to.’
‘Then what?’
‘I just feel I should go home.’
The elephant was squashing her against the wall. ‘Is this because of what I said earlier?’
‘What did you say earlier?’
She knew he knew. She could feel his back was up. If she repeated it they’d end up shouting and he’d storm out. If he was going to leave, she didn’t want it to be like that. ‘I can make you breakfast here if you’d prefer.’
He folded the paper and looked at the clock on the wall. ‘I’d better go.’
She sat there while he went into the bedroom and dressed. So much for the new Ella. So much for balance and happiness and peace.
*
After the bath, they got into bed and Linsey curved herself against Carly’s warm back, cupping her bare hip in her hand.
‘You’re shaking,’ Carly said.
Linsey pressed her face into Carly’s shoulder. ‘Life’s so fucking short.’
‘I know.’ Carly turned over and brushed Linsey’s hair back from her face, then traced the curve of her ear. ‘Will you move in with me?’
Linsey hesitated. ‘We’ve talked about this.’
‘I know. I’m asking you again anyway.’
‘It would mean . . .’
‘It wouldn’t,’ Carly said. ‘We’d do like you suggested before. You’ll say you’re my flatmate, and we’ll pretend the spare room is yours.’
Linsey blinked away tears.
‘You said it yourself, life’s so short,’ Carly went on. ‘I want us to be together properly, yes. But if I can’t have that, I want us to be together as much as we can. So we’ll work it however you need to.’ She tucked Linsey’s hair behind her ear. ‘Alicia’s dead, and all her plans and ideas are gone too. It makes me think about how I want to live, and whether I’m doing all I can to get there. So if we have to pretend to be flatmates, then we will. I don’t want to be apart from you any more.’
Linsey felt Carly’s hand cup the back of her neck, felt the warmth of her body, the movement of her ribs as she breathed. She keeps me warm.
‘Okay, but not that way,’ she said.
Carly looked at her.
‘I don’t want anything to do with the spare room,’ Linsey said. ‘I want to move in with you as your girlfriend.’ The words, the thought, made her heart hammer.
Carly opened her mouth but didn’t speak.
‘I’m going to tell them,’ Linsey said. ‘Whatever the cost. I want to live the way I want, with you. And I know I’ve said that before, but this time is different. I’m going to do it.’
Carly pulled her close and wrapped her up tight. ‘And it’ll be okay,’ she murmured. ‘Everything’s going to be okay.’
Linsey pressed her head to Carly’s chest. She heard her heart beating, loud and strong. She felt her hand smooth her hair. She knew Carly was right, but at the same time she knew there would be a price to pay for that okayness. And despite her love for Carly, she was frightened of how high that price might be.
Eleven
E lla called Callum at six thirty the next morning to wish him happy birthday but got voicemail. He must already be at the hospital, she thought. After he’d left last night she’d tried to keep being the new Ella, not thinking constantly about work, but that meant she just dwelled on the elephant. It was better to muse over Morris, and Hibbins, and what Carly’d said about Tessa. She felt much more comfortable thinking that way, puzzling things out.
She showered and ate breakfast with the TV on, and was brushing her teeth when the word ‘ambulance’ caught her ear.
‘The widow of John Butcher, eighty-two, who died after an ambulance took thirty-three minutes to respond to his call for help, has this morning staged a one-woman protest outside State Parliament,’ the newsreader said.
There was footage of an old grey-haired woman
Similar Books
