Demo by Alison Miller Page A

It’s damp too with the steam. But it’s dry enough. I wrap it round my head and rub my hair. The steam’s startin to drift away now and I notice Julian isny lyin gazin intay space like I thought. He’s watchin me. His jeans are bulgin again at the crotch. I hold the towel in front of me and go to close the door.
    Oh no you don’t, he says, and sits up on the bed. You must finish washing. Like a good girl. You must wash down here. He rubs his hand round his crotch as he walks towards me. Inthe bathroom he leans past me, bends down to the bidet and turns on the tap. He lets it run for a bit, keepin his hand under the water. Then he stands up and looks me in the eye.
    Now I want you to sit astride this bidet and soap that sweet rosebush of yours.
    What d’you mean? I says. But I know fine what he means.
    Just what I said. He looks at me for a long time. I feel my face turnin red, but I’m no gonny look away afore he does.
    OK? he says. I nod and he walks away back into the room and lies on the bed again. I put my leg over the bidet, over the rushing water, and sit down like he telt me. It’s cold on my bum and drops a water’s runnin down my back fae my hair.
    Oh, for fucksake, he says. And he jumps up and comes into the bathroom again. Here, wait. He reaches into the bidet and eases the tampon out fae atween my legs. We don’t want this getting in the way. He stands up and swings it into the lavvy by the blue string. Drops of water spark up and catch the light. I feel blood tricklin into the white porcelain bowl underneath, runnin away down the plughole with the water. Julian turns back into the bedroom and flings hissel onto the bed.
    Right, he says. You can start now.
    I’m like, Lights, camera, action. But I say it under my breath so he canny hear. I look about for some soap. There’s a dish set in the tiles beside the bidet and a wee bar of soap in wax paper same as in my room. I pick it up and unwrap it, drop the paper on the floor and look at the bar. It’s yellow like the shampoo. Like the walls of the room. I sniff it. It’s lemon too. Julian’s watchin me. I keep my eyes on him and reach the soap down into the water to wet it. It slips out my hand and I have to feel about to catch it. I make a lather with my two hands, reach round and start to wash mysel down there.
    Soap up that flaming bush, he says. He’s rubbin the front of his jeans. I stick the bar of soap in the water again, then rubit on the front of my pubes until they’re all covered in bubbles.
    Like this? I says.
    He doesny say nothin. Just groans.
    I must admit I’m getting the melty feeling dead strong too. I keep buildin up the lather and rubbin and Julian keeps on watchin and groanin.
    I wonder how long he wants me to do this. Cause I must be clean by this time. And then it happens again. The heat shoots up fae my crotch right up through me to my head and waves come over my whole body. I stop movin my hand and lean forward and groan too. I look down and big splashes of blood are droppin among the white suds and flowin away down the hole. I watch it all disappearin and wait till the waves get fainter. I put my hand under the flow and scoop warm water onto my pubes until all the soap’s away. Then I turn off the tap. It’s dead quiet suddenly. I get up. My knees are tremblin and blood’s tricklin down the inside a my thighs.
    Oh God, I says. I lean back against the wall. The white tiles are cold and the shock of them wakes me up. I pick up the towel and stick it between my legs. Then I look at Julian. He’s still lyin on the bed, but he’s starin at the ceilin now. I walk over to him and sit on the bed.
    You weren’t supposed to come, he says.
    But I’ve washed as much as I can. How long did you want me to stay there for?
    No. You weren’t supposed to
come
.
    Oh… right… I’m sorry.
    He doesny say nothin.
    I didny mean to.
    He still doesny