His presence, there in the Blessed Sacrament. It was very, very, very real. It wasn’t so much an emotional trip or an experience. I had experienced God in such a way that I wanted to give my life totally to Him and there was that firm desire to beHis alone. And that was it. It was just that experience with our Lord that I came to know Him as a person and wanted to give my life totally to Him.
When I looked at the clock, it was five o’clock. I had a half-hour walk home. I got home and Mom said, “Where were you?” I said, “I went to church!” Well, she didn’t believe me, of course. I’m not going to spend two hours in church!
From that day on, I went to church after school and I developed a deep relationship with our Lord and I felt Him calling me to Himself. We went to a Catholic school and I knew the sisters were always called “the brides of Christ,” and so I wanted to let Him know I would give my life totally to Him. I didn’t know what that was called; I was only twelve years old. We didn’t talk too much about the terms, just that they were the brides of Christ. I promised our Lord I would be a sister. I promised Him that I would be a virgin and never drink or smoke. I just would give Him my whole self, totally.
After this experience, I told Mom I wanted to go to the convent. I went home and told Mom, “Mom, I’d like to be a sister.” She said, “Well, you can think about that.” She thought I would change my mind. Mom would always say, “You’ll change your mind. You’ll change your mind.” The funny thing, too, she said, “You’ll always have to wear a dress.” I said, “That doesn’t matter. That’s a habit, that’s not a dress.” I wasn’t one to wear dresses. I was very active, did all kinds of things. I wasn’t one to sit around. The other thing she would say was, “You’re going to have to get up at five every morning.” Now that was a real stickler because I like to sleep in. But I said, “That doesn’t matter,” because I just thought it doesn’t matter what I have to give up. I didn’t think so much about giving up; I just knew that I was going to be His and that was more on my mind. And it’s good she did put this other stuff on me. It made me think, “It will all take care of itself.”
There must have been something prior to that because when I think back, in fourth grade the principal gave me a nun doll. She called me to the office, and I was scared to death because I didn’t know what she was calling me to the principal’s office for. The thing was—she wanted to give me this nun doll. She must have seen something in me, but I never formulated it. I always admired the sisters but I never formulated my view that I can consciously remember.
After a few years, in eighth grade, I said, “Mom, I would really like to enter the convent.” So she said, “Well, you can do what you want.” I wanted toenter right after eighth grade, and I did. I was very interested in the cloistered life but my mother was totally against that. She said, “You can write to different orders.” I got a book that had the different orders and I wrote to all kinds and got all kinds of mail back. On one of them, she noticed a Carmelite order on the return address. “Not there,” she said. She didn’t have any use for cloistered life, and so I had to put all of those aside. I didn’t know anything about Poor Clares at that stage. I didn’t know they existed.
Mom wanted to make sure I knew what I wanted. There was no doubt in my mind, but she didn’t know that. And looking at it from her perspective, that’s a little different than looking at it from my perspective, but Mom never believed in the cloistered life. “God never wanted anybody to live a life like that,” she thought. And down the road in my story there is that point when I told her I was entering the cloistered life and she just couldn’t see that God would call anyone to that life. Teaching, yes; you’re
When I looked at the clock, it was five o’clock. I had a half-hour walk home. I got home and Mom said, “Where were you?” I said, “I went to church!” Well, she didn’t believe me, of course. I’m not going to spend two hours in church!
From that day on, I went to church after school and I developed a deep relationship with our Lord and I felt Him calling me to Himself. We went to a Catholic school and I knew the sisters were always called “the brides of Christ,” and so I wanted to let Him know I would give my life totally to Him. I didn’t know what that was called; I was only twelve years old. We didn’t talk too much about the terms, just that they were the brides of Christ. I promised our Lord I would be a sister. I promised Him that I would be a virgin and never drink or smoke. I just would give Him my whole self, totally.
After this experience, I told Mom I wanted to go to the convent. I went home and told Mom, “Mom, I’d like to be a sister.” She said, “Well, you can think about that.” She thought I would change my mind. Mom would always say, “You’ll change your mind. You’ll change your mind.” The funny thing, too, she said, “You’ll always have to wear a dress.” I said, “That doesn’t matter. That’s a habit, that’s not a dress.” I wasn’t one to wear dresses. I was very active, did all kinds of things. I wasn’t one to sit around. The other thing she would say was, “You’re going to have to get up at five every morning.” Now that was a real stickler because I like to sleep in. But I said, “That doesn’t matter,” because I just thought it doesn’t matter what I have to give up. I didn’t think so much about giving up; I just knew that I was going to be His and that was more on my mind. And it’s good she did put this other stuff on me. It made me think, “It will all take care of itself.”
There must have been something prior to that because when I think back, in fourth grade the principal gave me a nun doll. She called me to the office, and I was scared to death because I didn’t know what she was calling me to the principal’s office for. The thing was—she wanted to give me this nun doll. She must have seen something in me, but I never formulated it. I always admired the sisters but I never formulated my view that I can consciously remember.
After a few years, in eighth grade, I said, “Mom, I would really like to enter the convent.” So she said, “Well, you can do what you want.” I wanted toenter right after eighth grade, and I did. I was very interested in the cloistered life but my mother was totally against that. She said, “You can write to different orders.” I got a book that had the different orders and I wrote to all kinds and got all kinds of mail back. On one of them, she noticed a Carmelite order on the return address. “Not there,” she said. She didn’t have any use for cloistered life, and so I had to put all of those aside. I didn’t know anything about Poor Clares at that stage. I didn’t know they existed.
Mom wanted to make sure I knew what I wanted. There was no doubt in my mind, but she didn’t know that. And looking at it from her perspective, that’s a little different than looking at it from my perspective, but Mom never believed in the cloistered life. “God never wanted anybody to live a life like that,” she thought. And down the road in my story there is that point when I told her I was entering the cloistered life and she just couldn’t see that God would call anyone to that life. Teaching, yes; you’re
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