Death's Excellent Vacation by Charlaine Harris, Daniel Stashower, Christopher Golden, Jeff Abbott, Katie MacAlister, Jeaniene Frost, Lilith Saintcrow, A. Lee Martinez, Toni L. P. Kelner, Chris Grabenstein, Sarah Smith, L. A. Banks, Sharan Newman Page B
Authors: Charlaine Harris, Daniel Stashower, Christopher Golden, Jeff Abbott, Katie MacAlister, Jeaniene Frost, Lilith Saintcrow, A. Lee Martinez, Toni L. P. Kelner, Chris Grabenstein, Sarah Smith, L. A. Banks, Sharan Newman
Tags: sf_fantasy_city
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too.
“You want me to stab you?” my mother asked in disbelief.
Bones gave her an impish grin. “Come on, Mum. How many times have you dreamed about that?”
My mother got up, took the knife, and then stuck it right in the middle of Bones’s chest. He never flinched or moved to block her.
“See, Tammy, this is how most people would think to do it,” Bones said calmly. “But Justina knows the blade isn’t in deep enough, nor is it in the right place. The heart’s a bit to the left, not exactly in the center. And she didn’t twist the knife, which is what you must always,
always
do to kill a vampire, unless you’ve stabbed the heart with more than one knife.”
Bones took the knife out and handed it back to my mother. “Now, Justina, show her how it’s really done.”
My mother looked even more startled, but she took the blade, aimed more carefully this time, and shoved it in with a small shudder.
“Twist,” Bones said, as if this didn’t hurt him, which it would, even if steel through the heart wasn’t fatal. Only silver was.
My mother gave the blade a turn to the right. Bones caught her hand and jerked it, hard, in a ragged circle. Tammy gasped at the blood that stained his shirt.
“That’s how you do it,” he said, voice as neutral as if pain weren’t searing through him. I felt it, though, and it was all I could do not to yelp and demand he stop. “Rough, quick, and thorough, else you won’t get a second chance.”
He let go of my mother’s hand and pulled out the knife, wiping it on his ruined shirt. “Let’s show Tammy how it’s done from the back now.”
Tears pricked my eyes. Not because of the pain from Bones’s wound; that was already healed. It was because I finally understood what he was doing. Bones wasn’t trying to train Tammy. He was showing my mother how to defend herself, something she never would have allowed him to do under normal circumstances. But thinking it was for Tammy’s benefit made her follow his instructions, learning how to jab a knife in the right place front and back, then how to deflect some standard defensive maneuvers.
Fabian caught my eye and winked. The ghost knew what Bones was doing, too.
By the time Bones announced it was Tammy’s turn, I’d fallen in love with him all over again. Flowers and jewelry worked for most girls as a romantic gesture, but here I was, misty-eyed at watching him show my mother how to stab the shit out of him.
Tammy was human, so it took her longer to get the gist of things. Still, after an hour, she was sweaty, bloody, and very proud of herself for successfully stabbing Bones several times in the heart.
“Just call me Buffy,” she said with a smirk.
“I’m tired,” I said, faking a yawn. “I’m heading to bed.”
Bones’s eyes lit up. Fabian disappeared out the door, saying he wanted to double-check the grounds. My mother gave me a look. Only Tammy didn’t seem to realize that no vampire ever yawned for real.
“See you tomorrow,” Tammy said. “I’ve got to shower anyway.”
I went up the stairs. Bones stayed below, waiting. By the time I heard Tammy’s shower turn on, I also heard light, quick footsteps coming up the stairs.
When Bones entered the bedroom, I’d convinced myself that the noise from Tammy’s shower would be sufficient to muffle my mother’s hearing. Or that my mom had suddenly gone deaf. And when Bones took me in his arms, I stopped thinking about anything else.
Seven
THIS could be the beginning of a bad joke,
I thought as we bypassed the line and strode into Bite.
Three vampires and a human walk into a bar . . .
If a rogue undead hit man was after Tammy, we were hoping he took the bait and followed us home, because we had a hell of a surprise waiting for him. And here was also hoping that Poppy, the vampire Bones chatted up last weekend, had repeated Bones’s tale about the snotty rich human he was guarding. And how he’d be back tonight with her.
My mother refused to
“You want me to stab you?” my mother asked in disbelief.
Bones gave her an impish grin. “Come on, Mum. How many times have you dreamed about that?”
My mother got up, took the knife, and then stuck it right in the middle of Bones’s chest. He never flinched or moved to block her.
“See, Tammy, this is how most people would think to do it,” Bones said calmly. “But Justina knows the blade isn’t in deep enough, nor is it in the right place. The heart’s a bit to the left, not exactly in the center. And she didn’t twist the knife, which is what you must always,
always
do to kill a vampire, unless you’ve stabbed the heart with more than one knife.”
Bones took the knife out and handed it back to my mother. “Now, Justina, show her how it’s really done.”
My mother looked even more startled, but she took the blade, aimed more carefully this time, and shoved it in with a small shudder.
“Twist,” Bones said, as if this didn’t hurt him, which it would, even if steel through the heart wasn’t fatal. Only silver was.
My mother gave the blade a turn to the right. Bones caught her hand and jerked it, hard, in a ragged circle. Tammy gasped at the blood that stained his shirt.
“That’s how you do it,” he said, voice as neutral as if pain weren’t searing through him. I felt it, though, and it was all I could do not to yelp and demand he stop. “Rough, quick, and thorough, else you won’t get a second chance.”
He let go of my mother’s hand and pulled out the knife, wiping it on his ruined shirt. “Let’s show Tammy how it’s done from the back now.”
Tears pricked my eyes. Not because of the pain from Bones’s wound; that was already healed. It was because I finally understood what he was doing. Bones wasn’t trying to train Tammy. He was showing my mother how to defend herself, something she never would have allowed him to do under normal circumstances. But thinking it was for Tammy’s benefit made her follow his instructions, learning how to jab a knife in the right place front and back, then how to deflect some standard defensive maneuvers.
Fabian caught my eye and winked. The ghost knew what Bones was doing, too.
By the time Bones announced it was Tammy’s turn, I’d fallen in love with him all over again. Flowers and jewelry worked for most girls as a romantic gesture, but here I was, misty-eyed at watching him show my mother how to stab the shit out of him.
Tammy was human, so it took her longer to get the gist of things. Still, after an hour, she was sweaty, bloody, and very proud of herself for successfully stabbing Bones several times in the heart.
“Just call me Buffy,” she said with a smirk.
“I’m tired,” I said, faking a yawn. “I’m heading to bed.”
Bones’s eyes lit up. Fabian disappeared out the door, saying he wanted to double-check the grounds. My mother gave me a look. Only Tammy didn’t seem to realize that no vampire ever yawned for real.
“See you tomorrow,” Tammy said. “I’ve got to shower anyway.”
I went up the stairs. Bones stayed below, waiting. By the time I heard Tammy’s shower turn on, I also heard light, quick footsteps coming up the stairs.
When Bones entered the bedroom, I’d convinced myself that the noise from Tammy’s shower would be sufficient to muffle my mother’s hearing. Or that my mom had suddenly gone deaf. And when Bones took me in his arms, I stopped thinking about anything else.
Seven
THIS could be the beginning of a bad joke,
I thought as we bypassed the line and strode into Bite.
Three vampires and a human walk into a bar . . .
If a rogue undead hit man was after Tammy, we were hoping he took the bait and followed us home, because we had a hell of a surprise waiting for him. And here was also hoping that Poppy, the vampire Bones chatted up last weekend, had repeated Bones’s tale about the snotty rich human he was guarding. And how he’d be back tonight with her.
My mother refused to
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