Dear Lumpy

Dear Lumpy by Louise Mortimer Page B

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Authors: Louise Mortimer
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equally unimpressed with the Daily Telegraph, Lady Grimthorpe and his new accountants.

1983
    Budds Farm
    9 February
    Dearest L,
    V many thanks for your well-chosen card. You should have seen some of the night nurses at Basingstoke! They were capable of anything. I am now back to normal, not that that really amounts to much. Nidnod is somewhat overwrought and better before 6 p.m. than after. She simply refuses to relax and cannot understand why she is always tired. I am thinking of writing an adventure story for small children called ‘The Desperate Adventures of Peregrine, the Dog Detective’. The Cringer is well, but apt to regard the interior of Budds Farm as his personal lavatory. Mr Randall is just off to Leeds to bury his brother-in-law. Aunt Joan’s greatest friend, Marjorie Napier, was found dead in her bath, presumably after a heart attack. She had been there quite a long time. That sort of thing is the fate that elderly people living alone all dread. The Greenham Common women are becoming rather a bore: a pack of savage, men-hating left-wing lesbians! I have just been invited to a champagne and oysters party in London at Bentleys. I certainly propose to accept. We have been invited to meet the Queen M at lunch on Friday. I must make sure I have a clean collar. Lupin seems in good form and seems to think he is the young tycoon of N.W. Kensington & District.
    Best love to all
    D
    Unsurprisingly my father and other locals clearly had disparaging views of the Greenham Common Women’s Peace Camp, which had been going strong since September 1981.
    Budds Farm
    22 February
    Dearest L,
    Was it you who sent me rather a pert Valentine card? I thought I recognised your writing but could not be sure! V cold here and I am wearing as many clothes as I did in Poland in 1941. Your mother is in poorish form and seems to take a dim view about everyone (bar Paul) and everything (bar the Old Berks Hunt)! Sometimes her views are so violent that I think she will attack the Greenham Common women, for example. I wish you could cheer her up a bit. We are having a lunch party on Sunday but unfortunately her rich boy-friend Rodney Carrott will be in Kenya. Perhaps he will meet up with Aunt Pam! Solomon is much better now that we have stopped giving him pills: I think vets are as dangerous with pills as doctors are. I made rather a good drink the other day: 1/3rd Spanish brandy, 1/3rd white rum and 1/3rd cointreau. The guests were quite chatty afterwards and your mother never drew breath for a second. Your mother is furious with Mrs Block who made critical comments about Peregrine’s domestic and sexual habits. She will never be forgiven. The Bomers are building an additional garage and the lane has been blocked with bulldozers, gravel lorries etc. I have heard nothing from Jane recently; she is more long-winded on the telephone than anyone I’ve ever met. How is Rebecca? I suppose it is a slack time of the year for children’s parties. An army of moles is rapidly destroying my lawn and I have been singularly unsuccessful in killing any. A golden pheasant is busy removing the buds off my polyanthi. I have got to attend a boring lunch at the Hyde Park Hotel next week. I think I’ll go up by bus.
    Love to you all at Clancarty Road,
    D xx
    Best of British Luck with your driving test.
    Depressingly I fail my driving test for the sixth time.
    Budds Farm
    1 April
    Dearest L,
    Happy Easter to you wherever you are: I assume in Devonshire. V cold here and I can’t get going in the garden which continues to be in a sad condition. Two funerals last week, one at Windsor and the other at East Woodhay. The Cringer is well and managed to open Nidnod’s handbag and remove a large bar of milk chocolate. Nidnod has back trouble, bronchitis and diarrhoea, which happen to be about the only 3 diseases I have not got at present. She makes matters worse by refusing to give up hunting, and long hours in a biting east wind are hardly calculated to relieve her

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