Day After Night by Anita Diamant Page A

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     her skirt, and offered Tedi her hand.
    When Tedi got to her feet, she wrapped her arms around Zorah. “Thank you,” she whispered,
     surprised at the delicacyof the fierce little woman who banged through Atlit like a clenched fist.
    “No need for thanks,” said Zorah, trying to break free.
    But Tedi held on until Zorah stopped struggling. And for a moment, or perhaps no more
     than a fraction of a moment, Tedi was almost certain that Zorah hugged her back.
    It was very late when Shayndel crept into Leonie’s cot and woke her up.
    “What’s the matter?”
    “David and me … I ended it.”
    “What happened?” Leonie asked. “I thought you liked him.”
    “I do, I mean I did, at first anyway. But I can’t take it anymore. He is only in love
     with the idea of me. I make him feel important.”
    “I think he has great respect for you.”
    “It has nothing to do with me,” Shayndel said, “and certainly nothing to do with what
     I want. He goes on and on about war like it is something beautiful and noble, which
     only means he’s never seen it himself. War is hideous and it leaves you covered in
     shit. I cannot kill anyone else. I will not. Not even for the Jewish state. Someone
     else has to do it this time. I will work on a chicken farm and shovel manure. I will
     add up long columns of numbers in an office without windows. Anything but that.”
    “What does David say when you tell him this?” asked Leonie.
    “He doesn’t listen. He lectures me about the duty we all owe the Jewish people and
     the dream of a state. He puts his hand under my dress like it’s his right and he says
     I must make sacrifices.”
    “What do you mean? Did he try to take advantage of you?”
    Shayndel smiled. “Hardly. We’ve been going at it behind the last barrack almost since
     we met.”
    “I had no idea,” said Leonie. “Good for you.”
    “Not particularly,” Shayndel said. “Let’s just say he doesn’t know what to do to make
     a girl happy.”
    “There are ways to teach them about that. Or at least, that’s what I’ve heard. And
     when there is real feeling …”
    “You don’t have to tell me about sex,” Shayndel said. “In the forest, there wasn’t
     much to do at night, and we all learned how to make each other happy. But this is
     not about fooling around. It’s about him, David.
    “Tonight he was completely impossible. I told him it was finished between us, and
     then he laughed at me and said I had cold feet. Like I was a little girl. Like I didn’t
     know my own mind! Now all I want is for him to disappear so I don’t have to argue
     anymore. Tomorrow wouldn’t be soon enough. Do you think I’m right?”
    “
Chérie,
if you do not love him, you are right. And it seems clear that you do not love him.”
    “I guess I wanted to be in love with someone. But not him. I’m just sorry that I didn’t
     tell you about him from the beginning. I felt badly that you didn’t have a boyfriend,
     too. That I betrayed our little plan with the two brothers.”
    “Our plan? That was more like a game, a nice little story we told each other,” Leonie
     said. “Making plans is a game. Life chooses for you.”
    “Do you really believe that? That we are like leaves floating on the river, wherever
     it takes us?”
    “This is not a bad thing,” said Leonie. “It is not a good thing, either. That’s just
     how it goes.”
    “So nothing makes sense?”
    “How could you make sense of our lives?”
    Shayndel lay still for so long, Leonie said, “I’m sorry if I offended you.”
    “I took no offense. I was just thinking what it would be like to keep that philosophy
     in mind on Yom Kippur.”
    “It is the day of judgments, no?”
    “Yes. God is the judge who writes in the heavenly book who will live and who will
     die in the coming year,” Shayndel said. “I wonder why I never objected to that idea.
     How can I permit anyone to speak of God sitting on His golden throne and deciding
     that