move around it. That might get the job done, but it doesn’t make you stronger. You have to confront what you fear, make yourself analyze it, break it down, figure out thewhy of it. Only then can you figure out how you’re going to deal with it.”
He was impossibly big, impossibly imposing, and completely intimidating. Yet she wanted nothing more than to pull herself upright and tuck her body against his, put her cheek against his chest and seek out things like solace, shelter … peace.
“And what if my way of ‘dealing with it’ is to shelve it?” she asked, proud of her steady voice. Inside she was panicking big time. He was right. In order to be truly strong, she had to face what confused her. She’d always known that. But for ten years, she’d been able to get away with ignoring that fact.
Unfortunately, what confused her most was Logan himself. She was certain she could ignore his challenge and do her job effectively. All her instincts were screaming at her to take the safe path her job always provided. Yet, she had the strong sense of foreboding that if she ducked around it this time, she might regret it for the rest of her life. A hell of a decision.
“Then you’re not really dealing with it all.” He crouched down, putting himself eye level with her. “Are you?”
He took up way too much space. Certainly more than was physically possible. Scottie felt trapped, cornered, overwhelmed. Not by Logan, but by the threat he posed. The challenge he presented. On all levels.
Stay and face it, she told herself. She looked into his eyes and knew. Facing him would entail much more than dealing with what he made her feel, what he made her want, that he had made her want at all. She wouldn’t be able to face the deep-down parts of her he was affecting, without dredging it all up. All of it.
All the confusing questions and concerns that had plagued her two nights before rose again like a haunting specter. That’s what this was about, she decided, grasping desperately at the explanation. It was all that moody, uncharacteristic introspection before Del’s call that was making her react to him this way.
She didn’t have to face it.
It had nothing to do with strength or cowardice, and she didn’t give a damn what he thought.
Liar
, her mind whispered. Scottie ignored it, scrambled backward, and pushed to a stand, brushing off her pants. Logan didn’t move. Logan was now in the supplicant position.
Funny, but she didn’t feel even remotely that she controlled him, much less dominated him. Even chained, he hadn’t let her do that.
He shifted up onto his knees and looked up at her. “Don’t run, Scottie.”
She stood there, frozen in indecision. It was a unique and terrifying sensation she’d like never to repeat. Her instincts told her to run. If she couldn’t trust them, what could she trust?
“Will you answer one question?”
She simply stared at him.
He waited a beat, then said, “I’ll take that as a yes.” His humor didn’t shake her from her almost trancelike state. She felt as if she were at a crossroads of some kind, and it was critical to the rest of her life to choose the right path. Wrong decisions couldn’t be taken back.
“What are you really afraid of, Scottie?”
She looked at him, really looked at him, and spoke the words that had immediately come to mind. Words not born of instinct, but from her heart. “I’m afraid I’ll make the wrong choice.”
The moment she spoke she wished she hadn’t. Hearts couldn’t be trusted. That was the first thing she’d learned in life, the initial lesson taught by her father. Jim had been her graduate course in the subject.
“And what are you afraid is going to happen to you if you do?”
“I’ll lose control.” Again, the words were out before she could stop them, as if a strange compulsion had overtaken her, one she couldn’t deny.
Logan reached out his hands. He’d rolled up the sleeves of his shirt so they wouldn’t
He was impossibly big, impossibly imposing, and completely intimidating. Yet she wanted nothing more than to pull herself upright and tuck her body against his, put her cheek against his chest and seek out things like solace, shelter … peace.
“And what if my way of ‘dealing with it’ is to shelve it?” she asked, proud of her steady voice. Inside she was panicking big time. He was right. In order to be truly strong, she had to face what confused her. She’d always known that. But for ten years, she’d been able to get away with ignoring that fact.
Unfortunately, what confused her most was Logan himself. She was certain she could ignore his challenge and do her job effectively. All her instincts were screaming at her to take the safe path her job always provided. Yet, she had the strong sense of foreboding that if she ducked around it this time, she might regret it for the rest of her life. A hell of a decision.
“Then you’re not really dealing with it all.” He crouched down, putting himself eye level with her. “Are you?”
He took up way too much space. Certainly more than was physically possible. Scottie felt trapped, cornered, overwhelmed. Not by Logan, but by the threat he posed. The challenge he presented. On all levels.
Stay and face it, she told herself. She looked into his eyes and knew. Facing him would entail much more than dealing with what he made her feel, what he made her want, that he had made her want at all. She wouldn’t be able to face the deep-down parts of her he was affecting, without dredging it all up. All of it.
All the confusing questions and concerns that had plagued her two nights before rose again like a haunting specter. That’s what this was about, she decided, grasping desperately at the explanation. It was all that moody, uncharacteristic introspection before Del’s call that was making her react to him this way.
She didn’t have to face it.
It had nothing to do with strength or cowardice, and she didn’t give a damn what he thought.
Liar
, her mind whispered. Scottie ignored it, scrambled backward, and pushed to a stand, brushing off her pants. Logan didn’t move. Logan was now in the supplicant position.
Funny, but she didn’t feel even remotely that she controlled him, much less dominated him. Even chained, he hadn’t let her do that.
He shifted up onto his knees and looked up at her. “Don’t run, Scottie.”
She stood there, frozen in indecision. It was a unique and terrifying sensation she’d like never to repeat. Her instincts told her to run. If she couldn’t trust them, what could she trust?
“Will you answer one question?”
She simply stared at him.
He waited a beat, then said, “I’ll take that as a yes.” His humor didn’t shake her from her almost trancelike state. She felt as if she were at a crossroads of some kind, and it was critical to the rest of her life to choose the right path. Wrong decisions couldn’t be taken back.
“What are you really afraid of, Scottie?”
She looked at him, really looked at him, and spoke the words that had immediately come to mind. Words not born of instinct, but from her heart. “I’m afraid I’ll make the wrong choice.”
The moment she spoke she wished she hadn’t. Hearts couldn’t be trusted. That was the first thing she’d learned in life, the initial lesson taught by her father. Jim had been her graduate course in the subject.
“And what are you afraid is going to happen to you if you do?”
“I’ll lose control.” Again, the words were out before she could stop them, as if a strange compulsion had overtaken her, one she couldn’t deny.
Logan reached out his hands. He’d rolled up the sleeves of his shirt so they wouldn’t
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