says, reaching out. I give her the whole lot and then sit down next to her, feeling awful and miserable and completely sorry for myself. Mum skims through the books, muttering stuff like ‘No – too young’ or ‘I can’t believe I wrote
that
!’ as she reads. The pile of rejected diaries on the floor grows bigger and I zone out for a bit, imagining Alice and Ben laughing about me while heading into town on a date. I don’t think
it’s possible to feel any more terrible than I do right now.
‘Here we go,’ Mum says suddenly. ‘Yes – 1989 started pretty badly for me. I was not a great friend, but I got very, very lucky. Read the entries in January, and remember that you aren’t on your own here. I do get it.’ She passes me the diary and I put it on top of the others.
Then I snuggle up next to Mum for a while, crying a bit until I don’t feel like I want to cry any more. When I can see that she’s drifted off to sleep, I stand up and kiss Mum on the head. I pull the blanket that Granny once knitted for her over her legs. Then I go upstairs, carrying the stack of diaries with me. I put them down on my bed and pick up the top book. I might as well read what she has to say after she went to all that trouble to find the right diary. Whatever it is, it obviously stuck in her memory. And actually, I’m a bit curious – I can’t imagine Mum being anything other than a great friend.
4 January 1989
Back to school tomorrow – I am NOT looking forward to it at all. I was reading my old diary the other day and saw that a whole year ago I wrote
that if I was going to ever have a boyfriend I’d have one that year. So that’s me on the shelf for life then, dying an old spinster with just a few cats to mourn me. So tragic – fourteen years old and no boyfriend. It’s embarrassing.
5 January 1989
I don’t even know where to start writing this today. I think I might actually be in shock. When I got to school this morning, I couldn’t find Beth anywhere. The whole day was rubbish because we usually have a real laugh together and I haven’t seen her since the first week of the Christmas holidays. When I came home from school Mum had just got off the phone with Beth’s mum. She told me that last week, Beth’s mum and dad told Beth that they were splitting up. ANYWAY, the night after they told her, Beth drank loads of stuff from their drinks cabinet – and ended up in hospital. I saw something like this on TV once and they had to pump the girl’s stomach. It was totally disgusting.
I wanted to go straight round to Beth’s house but Mum said that she wasn’t there. She’s been sent to stay with her gran and won’t be back until the weekend.
I CANNOT believe it. Poor, poor Beth. I wish I could talk to her but I haven’t got her gran’s number. I hope she rings me soon.
6 January 1989
School was rubbish today. No Beth to hang out with and I didn’t really have anyone else to talk to. Hung around with Megan and her crowd for a bit, but they were all talking about a film that they’d watched which was an 18 and I couldn’t really join in. There is no way on this earth that I’ll ever be allowed to watch an 18 film – even when I’m forty-five, probably.
Beth hasn’t phoned me. I’m wondering why she didn’t ring me up when her parents told her they were splitting up. We always tell each other everything and she should know that I’m always there for her.
8 January 1989
Wondering where my best friend is? She was meant to be home today but I still haven’t heard from her. I cycled past her house but the curtains were all drawn, so I couldn’t tell if she was there or not. I know things must be hard for her but she could at least pick up the phone to let me know she’s OK.
9 January 1989
Awful, horrible day. I went into school and still no Beth. I was really fed up with being Rachel-no-mates so tried to hang out with Megan’s group again. But I wish I hadn’t bothered. They started talking
that
!’ as she reads. The pile of rejected diaries on the floor grows bigger and I zone out for a bit, imagining Alice and Ben laughing about me while heading into town on a date. I don’t think
it’s possible to feel any more terrible than I do right now.
‘Here we go,’ Mum says suddenly. ‘Yes – 1989 started pretty badly for me. I was not a great friend, but I got very, very lucky. Read the entries in January, and remember that you aren’t on your own here. I do get it.’ She passes me the diary and I put it on top of the others.
Then I snuggle up next to Mum for a while, crying a bit until I don’t feel like I want to cry any more. When I can see that she’s drifted off to sleep, I stand up and kiss Mum on the head. I pull the blanket that Granny once knitted for her over her legs. Then I go upstairs, carrying the stack of diaries with me. I put them down on my bed and pick up the top book. I might as well read what she has to say after she went to all that trouble to find the right diary. Whatever it is, it obviously stuck in her memory. And actually, I’m a bit curious – I can’t imagine Mum being anything other than a great friend.
4 January 1989
Back to school tomorrow – I am NOT looking forward to it at all. I was reading my old diary the other day and saw that a whole year ago I wrote
that if I was going to ever have a boyfriend I’d have one that year. So that’s me on the shelf for life then, dying an old spinster with just a few cats to mourn me. So tragic – fourteen years old and no boyfriend. It’s embarrassing.
5 January 1989
I don’t even know where to start writing this today. I think I might actually be in shock. When I got to school this morning, I couldn’t find Beth anywhere. The whole day was rubbish because we usually have a real laugh together and I haven’t seen her since the first week of the Christmas holidays. When I came home from school Mum had just got off the phone with Beth’s mum. She told me that last week, Beth’s mum and dad told Beth that they were splitting up. ANYWAY, the night after they told her, Beth drank loads of stuff from their drinks cabinet – and ended up in hospital. I saw something like this on TV once and they had to pump the girl’s stomach. It was totally disgusting.
I wanted to go straight round to Beth’s house but Mum said that she wasn’t there. She’s been sent to stay with her gran and won’t be back until the weekend.
I CANNOT believe it. Poor, poor Beth. I wish I could talk to her but I haven’t got her gran’s number. I hope she rings me soon.
6 January 1989
School was rubbish today. No Beth to hang out with and I didn’t really have anyone else to talk to. Hung around with Megan and her crowd for a bit, but they were all talking about a film that they’d watched which was an 18 and I couldn’t really join in. There is no way on this earth that I’ll ever be allowed to watch an 18 film – even when I’m forty-five, probably.
Beth hasn’t phoned me. I’m wondering why she didn’t ring me up when her parents told her they were splitting up. We always tell each other everything and she should know that I’m always there for her.
8 January 1989
Wondering where my best friend is? She was meant to be home today but I still haven’t heard from her. I cycled past her house but the curtains were all drawn, so I couldn’t tell if she was there or not. I know things must be hard for her but she could at least pick up the phone to let me know she’s OK.
9 January 1989
Awful, horrible day. I went into school and still no Beth. I was really fed up with being Rachel-no-mates so tried to hang out with Megan’s group again. But I wish I hadn’t bothered. They started talking
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