Dancing Through Life by Candace Cameron Bure, Erin Davis Page B
Authors: Candace Cameron Bure, Erin Davis
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He is faithful and to hold that faithfulness up as a shield. When God’s got your back, you are free to respond to even your harshest critics with grace. You can choose to hold your chin high and reject the temptation to wallow in self-pity or defensiveness.
Even though dealing with the onslaught of public criticism wasn’t easy and it’s something I continually deal with every day, I wouldn’t trade that part of my experience for anything. I look back on this stage of the competition and see that I came out on top on so many different levels. Sure, Mark and I earned some great scores from the judges and I found my inner Disney princess! But more important, I found the confidence in myself to make good decisions, something my track record had already proven each week in the competition and throughout my life. I wouldn’t be the woman I am today if it weren’t. And I learned that I don’t want to be a better, but fake version of myself. I’d never want to lose the elements of compassion, love, and understanding and I always want to be teachable and moldable, but this was a watershed moment for me. I decided that I’d rather be the best Christian with all my flaws and be true to my walk than to live my life so that other people will feel like I’m making the right choices. I found the strength to stand with conviction.
Putting the Shoe on the Other Foot
These are important principles to learn for standing with conviction in the face of criticism. But what about when we are the ones dishing out the critiques? C’mon, girls! I’m not the only one who occasionally watches the choices others are making and thinks, What were you thinking? Am I?
There’s just something about the Internet that seems to weaken our filter toward what we feel the freedom to say to each other. In reflecting on my experience in dealing with public scrutiny, I didn’t want to miss the opportunity to point all of us (me included!) to God’s Word for some ground rules for how we treat each other online.
So, before you hit that little button to publish a comment or tweet or take the time to write a blog or share your opinions on someone’s Facebook wall, here are three big ideas to keep in mind.
Big Idea #1: Only Build Up
Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” ( esv ).
This verse says we should only say what builds others up. Sometimes it seems like we get this totally backward online—only speaking up when we have something negative to say. Before you respond online, train yourself to ask this question, “Does what I am about to say give grace to those who will read it?”
But what if someone really needs to be called out as a Christian? “I’m not judging them,” you say, “I’m helping them see that their decisions don’t line up with the Bible.” See Big Idea #2.
Big Idea #2: Go One-on-One First
Matthew 18:15 gives us our marching orders for how we should treat each other, in person and online. It says, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone” ( esv ).
As Christians, when we see fault in the lives of other believers, the Bible urges us to approach them one-on-one. We aren’t supposed to use public forums to address private grievances. When we do so, we inevitably pull others into the fray. Some people even beg to private message me . . . if only they had private access to me. But the point is, you don’t! Private messages are reserved for people who I have personal relationships and friendships with in my life.
In regards to the heat I take online, people often say, “Oh Candace, just delete them and block the haters” or, “Don’t let them get to you. Brush it off.” But it’s not that simple. By the time I decide to get involved (or not to get involved), the comments have been made and read. The bickering back and
Even though dealing with the onslaught of public criticism wasn’t easy and it’s something I continually deal with every day, I wouldn’t trade that part of my experience for anything. I look back on this stage of the competition and see that I came out on top on so many different levels. Sure, Mark and I earned some great scores from the judges and I found my inner Disney princess! But more important, I found the confidence in myself to make good decisions, something my track record had already proven each week in the competition and throughout my life. I wouldn’t be the woman I am today if it weren’t. And I learned that I don’t want to be a better, but fake version of myself. I’d never want to lose the elements of compassion, love, and understanding and I always want to be teachable and moldable, but this was a watershed moment for me. I decided that I’d rather be the best Christian with all my flaws and be true to my walk than to live my life so that other people will feel like I’m making the right choices. I found the strength to stand with conviction.
Putting the Shoe on the Other Foot
These are important principles to learn for standing with conviction in the face of criticism. But what about when we are the ones dishing out the critiques? C’mon, girls! I’m not the only one who occasionally watches the choices others are making and thinks, What were you thinking? Am I?
There’s just something about the Internet that seems to weaken our filter toward what we feel the freedom to say to each other. In reflecting on my experience in dealing with public scrutiny, I didn’t want to miss the opportunity to point all of us (me included!) to God’s Word for some ground rules for how we treat each other online.
So, before you hit that little button to publish a comment or tweet or take the time to write a blog or share your opinions on someone’s Facebook wall, here are three big ideas to keep in mind.
Big Idea #1: Only Build Up
Ephesians 4:29 says, “Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear” ( esv ).
This verse says we should only say what builds others up. Sometimes it seems like we get this totally backward online—only speaking up when we have something negative to say. Before you respond online, train yourself to ask this question, “Does what I am about to say give grace to those who will read it?”
But what if someone really needs to be called out as a Christian? “I’m not judging them,” you say, “I’m helping them see that their decisions don’t line up with the Bible.” See Big Idea #2.
Big Idea #2: Go One-on-One First
Matthew 18:15 gives us our marching orders for how we should treat each other, in person and online. It says, “If your brother sins against you, go and tell him his fault, between you and him alone” ( esv ).
As Christians, when we see fault in the lives of other believers, the Bible urges us to approach them one-on-one. We aren’t supposed to use public forums to address private grievances. When we do so, we inevitably pull others into the fray. Some people even beg to private message me . . . if only they had private access to me. But the point is, you don’t! Private messages are reserved for people who I have personal relationships and friendships with in my life.
In regards to the heat I take online, people often say, “Oh Candace, just delete them and block the haters” or, “Don’t let them get to you. Brush it off.” But it’s not that simple. By the time I decide to get involved (or not to get involved), the comments have been made and read. The bickering back and
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