Love makes people especially stupid.”
Toni paused next to a partially open door. “When I met
Tad, he was recently paroled and working as an assistant pastor. I was working
as an architect at a big firm and living in a high rise apartment. I always had
a taste for bad boys, but most of them were losers. Tad was special and I
wouldn’t let him go. My friends figured I was having an early midlife crisis.
My parents thought I might be on drugs. No one understood, but I wanted what I
wanted and I didn’t want to wait.”
Opening the door to the room, Toni studied the bed
where Winnie rested hidden under a comforter.
“It worked out for me, but life’s been harder on
Winnie. She wants what she wants, but she doesn’t have control of herself like
the rest of us. When she’s awake, the past is hidden. When she dreams though…”
I stared in at the top of Winnie’s head and felt
helpless. She trusted me and I’d pushed her too far too fast. Hell, I barely
kept my dick in my pants.
“What should I do?”
“You can try talking to her, if you want. She’s
medicated, but not really sleeping.”
As I stepped into the room, my every movement felt too
loud. Winnie didn’t stir even after I knelt next to her bed.
Her eyes were open, yet unfocused. Her dark hair
covered the right half of her face and she held a Cookie Monster doll. Seeing
nothing in her eyes, I felt a hopelessness I’d never known before.
Part of me wanted to leave her and never look back.
I’d broken someone beautiful and delicate. All those nights I dreamed of having
a chance to show her what kind of man I was, yet I’d destroyed her.
“Will you stay?” Toni asked from behind me. “If you
need to go to work, you could come back later.”
“Should I really stay? Aren’t I the reason she’s like
this?”
“No,” Toni said with a dark expression in her brown
eyes. “Her old father is the reason. The Vandals Motorcycle Club caused this
too. Not you. Do you want to stay?”
I nodded. “I feel selfish to stay, but I can’t leave.”
“Then don’t,” Toni said, tugging a corner chair closer
to the bed. “Watch TV or use your phone or nap. Whatever you need to do to stay
busy, but don’t leave. Winnie needs people to show we still care. That she can lose
control and we’ll still be there when she comes back from it.”
I didn’t know what Toni saw on my face, but she pulled
me into a hug. After a lifetime of cold mother figures, I clung to her and the
warmth she offered. After seeing her daughter suffer again, Toni needed comfort
too.
Soon, I sat in a chair, flipping channels, and
stealing glances at the still dazed Winnie. At one point, Harlow appeared at
the door and glared at me. I waited for her to say something, but she walked
away instead.
Toni brought me a can of Coke then a sandwich. When
she checked on Winnie, her daughter never responded. Later, Tad arrived with a
kitchen chair and sat next to me after kissing the top of Winnie’s head.
“Hardest thing about being a parent is not locking
your kids up to protect them,” he said, staring at the TV. “If I had my way,
Winnie and Harlow would stay at home. No dating. No fighting at the
Thunderdome. Hell, I wouldn’t let them leave without me or their mom with them.
I feel the same about Jace, but he doesn’t want to go anywhere anyway. The
girls are ready to find freedom. They want to grow up, so I have to let them.”
Tad wasn’t anything like my dad. Occasionally, I
wondered if his calm demeanor was a con. I remembered Larry’s habit of playing
the nice guy to trick someone into dishing info he used against them later. I
never shared anything with my dad for this reason. Tad wasn’t Larry though.
“I don’t know the right thing to do with Winnie. She
makes me crazy and I want her so much. I don’t think I can be trusted with
her.”
Tad nodded. “Maybe you can’t. When Winnie is truly
awake, she’ll either reach for you or push you away. If she wants
Toni paused next to a partially open door. “When I met
Tad, he was recently paroled and working as an assistant pastor. I was working
as an architect at a big firm and living in a high rise apartment. I always had
a taste for bad boys, but most of them were losers. Tad was special and I
wouldn’t let him go. My friends figured I was having an early midlife crisis.
My parents thought I might be on drugs. No one understood, but I wanted what I
wanted and I didn’t want to wait.”
Opening the door to the room, Toni studied the bed
where Winnie rested hidden under a comforter.
“It worked out for me, but life’s been harder on
Winnie. She wants what she wants, but she doesn’t have control of herself like
the rest of us. When she’s awake, the past is hidden. When she dreams though…”
I stared in at the top of Winnie’s head and felt
helpless. She trusted me and I’d pushed her too far too fast. Hell, I barely
kept my dick in my pants.
“What should I do?”
“You can try talking to her, if you want. She’s
medicated, but not really sleeping.”
As I stepped into the room, my every movement felt too
loud. Winnie didn’t stir even after I knelt next to her bed.
Her eyes were open, yet unfocused. Her dark hair
covered the right half of her face and she held a Cookie Monster doll. Seeing
nothing in her eyes, I felt a hopelessness I’d never known before.
Part of me wanted to leave her and never look back.
I’d broken someone beautiful and delicate. All those nights I dreamed of having
a chance to show her what kind of man I was, yet I’d destroyed her.
“Will you stay?” Toni asked from behind me. “If you
need to go to work, you could come back later.”
“Should I really stay? Aren’t I the reason she’s like
this?”
“No,” Toni said with a dark expression in her brown
eyes. “Her old father is the reason. The Vandals Motorcycle Club caused this
too. Not you. Do you want to stay?”
I nodded. “I feel selfish to stay, but I can’t leave.”
“Then don’t,” Toni said, tugging a corner chair closer
to the bed. “Watch TV or use your phone or nap. Whatever you need to do to stay
busy, but don’t leave. Winnie needs people to show we still care. That she can lose
control and we’ll still be there when she comes back from it.”
I didn’t know what Toni saw on my face, but she pulled
me into a hug. After a lifetime of cold mother figures, I clung to her and the
warmth she offered. After seeing her daughter suffer again, Toni needed comfort
too.
Soon, I sat in a chair, flipping channels, and
stealing glances at the still dazed Winnie. At one point, Harlow appeared at
the door and glared at me. I waited for her to say something, but she walked
away instead.
Toni brought me a can of Coke then a sandwich. When
she checked on Winnie, her daughter never responded. Later, Tad arrived with a
kitchen chair and sat next to me after kissing the top of Winnie’s head.
“Hardest thing about being a parent is not locking
your kids up to protect them,” he said, staring at the TV. “If I had my way,
Winnie and Harlow would stay at home. No dating. No fighting at the
Thunderdome. Hell, I wouldn’t let them leave without me or their mom with them.
I feel the same about Jace, but he doesn’t want to go anywhere anyway. The
girls are ready to find freedom. They want to grow up, so I have to let them.”
Tad wasn’t anything like my dad. Occasionally, I
wondered if his calm demeanor was a con. I remembered Larry’s habit of playing
the nice guy to trick someone into dishing info he used against them later. I
never shared anything with my dad for this reason. Tad wasn’t Larry though.
“I don’t know the right thing to do with Winnie. She
makes me crazy and I want her so much. I don’t think I can be trusted with
her.”
Tad nodded. “Maybe you can’t. When Winnie is truly
awake, she’ll either reach for you or push you away. If she wants
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