They’d been very nice to Paul, and the weekend visit had been just long enough to reconnect without being too much. I had left feeling good about having visited, but I also realized how far out of their world I now was.
I could be analytical and logical about the whole thing, but it didn’t mean I wasn’t saddened by the disconnect. I wondered if, when my parents finally passed away, I would regret not making more of an effort to have a relationship with them. But did I really want that to change? Did I have it in me to find a way to fix it and then maintain whatever new responsibilities came of it? The idea made my stomach—which continued to be volatile on a somewhat regular basis—even more unhappy, so I pushed past it and switched my focus to Athena, sending vibes of healing and strength her way. My parents were in their sixties, but in good health. I had more time to consider what I might want from that relationship in the future and, for now, I was content.
I realized that Athena’s mother had been healthy too. She’d been killed in an accident, unexpectedly. I might not have an indefinite period of time to fix things with my mother. But then, why wasn’t my mother reaching out to me? She wasn’t making an effort either, which made it harder to anticipate that my own effort would be successful. The fact was, I didn’t know if I could handle the rejection if I tried and failed to connect in a different way.
I pulled into the parking garage of my office and quickly pulled my mind away from my parents and back to the office, right where it belonged on a Wednesday afternoon. I knew how to get the work done, and over the years that had become a huge part of my self-confidence. Relationships were tricky, but policy renewals were something I could count on.
Chapter 15
As Friday drew closer, I was more and more excited for Stormy to come home. I cleaned her room, putting away all the things I’d been depositing on her bed for the last month, and made plans to cook her favorite dinner—beef stroganoff. I left work early and picked her up at Jared’s house at five. I hadn’t been to the condo he’d bought last year, and Stormy gave me a quick tour. It was about what I expected—basic furniture, not many decorations, and cluttered counters.
“Is he still dating that woman with the two little kids?” I asked Stormy as we headed downstairs. Jared had cycled through a few semi-serious relationships since the divorce but hadn’t married again, which I hypocritically felt was better for Stormy. Less chaos.
“Lyssa?” Stormy asked. “No, they broke up before I moved in. She was skanky.”
I didn’t need more details of Jared’s love life and was simply glad that he didn’t have a “skanky” girlfriend around anymore. As we finished the tour, I had to admit that Stormy was comfortable here. They seemed to be making it work.
We put together an overnight bag and then took the freeway back to Lake Forest. Stormy told me all about the play and her new school. She’d made a few friends, though she didn’t feel like they were totally “bonded, ya know?” I didn’t bring up the cheating incident, even though I felt like I needed to apologize again, and just basked in her company.
As soon as we got home, she was on the phone to her Lake Forest friends. I was only halfway through dinner preparations when she asked if she could take the car and hang out with Tressa until Hannah’s party started. I swallowed my disappointment that she didn’t want to hang out with me but told her I’d save her some dinner.
“Awesome. Thanks, Mom,” she said as she hurried to touch up her flawless makeup and try on a few different outfits before heading out the door. Paul had worked at the office today, so I had almost an hour after Stormy left until he came home. We had a nice dinner together, and then I worked on laundry. For more than twenty years, I had done a load of laundry almost every morning before work, but
I could be analytical and logical about the whole thing, but it didn’t mean I wasn’t saddened by the disconnect. I wondered if, when my parents finally passed away, I would regret not making more of an effort to have a relationship with them. But did I really want that to change? Did I have it in me to find a way to fix it and then maintain whatever new responsibilities came of it? The idea made my stomach—which continued to be volatile on a somewhat regular basis—even more unhappy, so I pushed past it and switched my focus to Athena, sending vibes of healing and strength her way. My parents were in their sixties, but in good health. I had more time to consider what I might want from that relationship in the future and, for now, I was content.
I realized that Athena’s mother had been healthy too. She’d been killed in an accident, unexpectedly. I might not have an indefinite period of time to fix things with my mother. But then, why wasn’t my mother reaching out to me? She wasn’t making an effort either, which made it harder to anticipate that my own effort would be successful. The fact was, I didn’t know if I could handle the rejection if I tried and failed to connect in a different way.
I pulled into the parking garage of my office and quickly pulled my mind away from my parents and back to the office, right where it belonged on a Wednesday afternoon. I knew how to get the work done, and over the years that had become a huge part of my self-confidence. Relationships were tricky, but policy renewals were something I could count on.
Chapter 15
As Friday drew closer, I was more and more excited for Stormy to come home. I cleaned her room, putting away all the things I’d been depositing on her bed for the last month, and made plans to cook her favorite dinner—beef stroganoff. I left work early and picked her up at Jared’s house at five. I hadn’t been to the condo he’d bought last year, and Stormy gave me a quick tour. It was about what I expected—basic furniture, not many decorations, and cluttered counters.
“Is he still dating that woman with the two little kids?” I asked Stormy as we headed downstairs. Jared had cycled through a few semi-serious relationships since the divorce but hadn’t married again, which I hypocritically felt was better for Stormy. Less chaos.
“Lyssa?” Stormy asked. “No, they broke up before I moved in. She was skanky.”
I didn’t need more details of Jared’s love life and was simply glad that he didn’t have a “skanky” girlfriend around anymore. As we finished the tour, I had to admit that Stormy was comfortable here. They seemed to be making it work.
We put together an overnight bag and then took the freeway back to Lake Forest. Stormy told me all about the play and her new school. She’d made a few friends, though she didn’t feel like they were totally “bonded, ya know?” I didn’t bring up the cheating incident, even though I felt like I needed to apologize again, and just basked in her company.
As soon as we got home, she was on the phone to her Lake Forest friends. I was only halfway through dinner preparations when she asked if she could take the car and hang out with Tressa until Hannah’s party started. I swallowed my disappointment that she didn’t want to hang out with me but told her I’d save her some dinner.
“Awesome. Thanks, Mom,” she said as she hurried to touch up her flawless makeup and try on a few different outfits before heading out the door. Paul had worked at the office today, so I had almost an hour after Stormy left until he came home. We had a nice dinner together, and then I worked on laundry. For more than twenty years, I had done a load of laundry almost every morning before work, but
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