yarmulke).
ME
’Sup?
DUKE
Nada, dude. Glad you could make it.
NIGEL
How’s it hangin’, Enrico?
ME
Fine, ne. So what’s the plan?
Duke turns down the radio.
DUKE
Here’s what I’m thinking: we’re visiting from somewhere like Kansas or Oklahoma, and we’ve never been to New York before.
NIGEL
I like it. I’m de nitely in the mood to say “y’all.”
DUKE
I feel that.
ME
That’s ne, except the theme of the party is Broadway. Won’t it be funnier if we say we’re actors or something?
NIGEL
De nitely. Broadway shows are usually dark on Monday nights, so that would explain why we’re not in the city.
DUKE
What show should we say we’re in? Should we all be in the same show, or di erent ones?
I don’t know a lot about musicals or Broadway in general. I have seen The Phantom of the Opera, though, so that’s what I suggest.
NIGEL
Shit! I should have brought my Phantom mask.
DUKE
Why do you have a Phantom mask?
NIGEL
Why don’t you have a Phantom mask?
DUKE
Good point.
NIGEL
Aren’t we a little young to be in Phantom? Maybe we should say we’re in that show Spring Awakening.
DUKE
Dude, that closed a while ago.
Nigel and I both shoot him looks.
DUKE (cont.)
What? My mom really likes musicals. Give me a break.
We arrive at Chateau Briand, a popular catering hal on Long Island. The valet parks Duke’s car, and we head inside. It’s cocktail hour, which is out on the patio. Everything is very bright. There are palm trees (how did they get those here?), dozens of tables and chairs, and a long bu et table decorated with appetizers.
A waiter nods and says: “Welcome to the oasis.”
DUKE
What did that mean?
NIGEL
I dunno. I want some shrimp. Anyone coming with me?
ME
I will.
Duke wanders over to a table of Sweet Sixteeners doused in makeup and hair spray. The name he’s chosen for tonight is Marcel o.
NIGEL
What do you think his chances are?
Nigel and I grab some cheese along with some thinly sliced roast beef.
ME
With one of those girls? Not sure. Pretty low, I’d guess.
NIGEL
Ladies do love actors, though. At least, that’s what I hear.
ME
True. But I think that pertains to, like, movie stars. Not people in Phantom of the Opera.
NIGEL
And we’re not even really in it.
ME
Touché.
We continue picking at the food. Eventual y the crowd starts ltering inside. A bunch of teens have stayed in the “oasis,” whatever that means; Nigel and I are chat ing with two girls who go to school in Roslyn, which isn’t too far from us. They’re both pret y cute. The girl I’m talking to is named Desiree.
DESIREE
That must be a really demanding schedule, going to NYU School of Medicine and being in a Broadway show.
ME
Yeah, well … I make it work. That’s what you do when you’re passionate about something.
DESIREE
Being smart and talented is so … sexy. It’s such a blessing.
ME
Thanks. Although most of the time it feels like a curse.
DESIREE
What kind of doctor do you want to be?
NIGEL
(chiming in)
He wants to be a proctologist.
I smack the back of his head.
ME
Shut up, Horatio.
DESIREE
What’s that?
ME
Oh, he’s kidding. Horatio thinks he has a great sense of humor.
The other girl, Annabel e, leans forward and sips from her Diet Coke.
ANNABELLE
A proctologist is a butt doctor.
There’s a bit of uncomfortable silence, which Nigel eventual y breaks by taking out a rum- l ed ask.
NIGEL
Do you ladies wanna spice up your drinks?
ANNABELLE
No thanks. We have a chem test in the morning.
Desiree moves closer to me and rests her head on my shoulder. I put my arm around her and try not to think about Garret . Nigel at empts to mimic me, but Annabel e glares at him so ferociously that he almost fal s out of his chair.
I’m about to suggest to Desiree that we nd somewhere a lit le more “private” to hang out when I hear banshee-like howling coming from inside the lobby. I glance at Nigel and raise an eyebrow.
DESIREE
What’s
ME
’Sup?
DUKE
Nada, dude. Glad you could make it.
NIGEL
How’s it hangin’, Enrico?
ME
Fine, ne. So what’s the plan?
Duke turns down the radio.
DUKE
Here’s what I’m thinking: we’re visiting from somewhere like Kansas or Oklahoma, and we’ve never been to New York before.
NIGEL
I like it. I’m de nitely in the mood to say “y’all.”
DUKE
I feel that.
ME
That’s ne, except the theme of the party is Broadway. Won’t it be funnier if we say we’re actors or something?
NIGEL
De nitely. Broadway shows are usually dark on Monday nights, so that would explain why we’re not in the city.
DUKE
What show should we say we’re in? Should we all be in the same show, or di erent ones?
I don’t know a lot about musicals or Broadway in general. I have seen The Phantom of the Opera, though, so that’s what I suggest.
NIGEL
Shit! I should have brought my Phantom mask.
DUKE
Why do you have a Phantom mask?
NIGEL
Why don’t you have a Phantom mask?
DUKE
Good point.
NIGEL
Aren’t we a little young to be in Phantom? Maybe we should say we’re in that show Spring Awakening.
DUKE
Dude, that closed a while ago.
Nigel and I both shoot him looks.
DUKE (cont.)
What? My mom really likes musicals. Give me a break.
We arrive at Chateau Briand, a popular catering hal on Long Island. The valet parks Duke’s car, and we head inside. It’s cocktail hour, which is out on the patio. Everything is very bright. There are palm trees (how did they get those here?), dozens of tables and chairs, and a long bu et table decorated with appetizers.
A waiter nods and says: “Welcome to the oasis.”
DUKE
What did that mean?
NIGEL
I dunno. I want some shrimp. Anyone coming with me?
ME
I will.
Duke wanders over to a table of Sweet Sixteeners doused in makeup and hair spray. The name he’s chosen for tonight is Marcel o.
NIGEL
What do you think his chances are?
Nigel and I grab some cheese along with some thinly sliced roast beef.
ME
With one of those girls? Not sure. Pretty low, I’d guess.
NIGEL
Ladies do love actors, though. At least, that’s what I hear.
ME
True. But I think that pertains to, like, movie stars. Not people in Phantom of the Opera.
NIGEL
And we’re not even really in it.
ME
Touché.
We continue picking at the food. Eventual y the crowd starts ltering inside. A bunch of teens have stayed in the “oasis,” whatever that means; Nigel and I are chat ing with two girls who go to school in Roslyn, which isn’t too far from us. They’re both pret y cute. The girl I’m talking to is named Desiree.
DESIREE
That must be a really demanding schedule, going to NYU School of Medicine and being in a Broadway show.
ME
Yeah, well … I make it work. That’s what you do when you’re passionate about something.
DESIREE
Being smart and talented is so … sexy. It’s such a blessing.
ME
Thanks. Although most of the time it feels like a curse.
DESIREE
What kind of doctor do you want to be?
NIGEL
(chiming in)
He wants to be a proctologist.
I smack the back of his head.
ME
Shut up, Horatio.
DESIREE
What’s that?
ME
Oh, he’s kidding. Horatio thinks he has a great sense of humor.
The other girl, Annabel e, leans forward and sips from her Diet Coke.
ANNABELLE
A proctologist is a butt doctor.
There’s a bit of uncomfortable silence, which Nigel eventual y breaks by taking out a rum- l ed ask.
NIGEL
Do you ladies wanna spice up your drinks?
ANNABELLE
No thanks. We have a chem test in the morning.
Desiree moves closer to me and rests her head on my shoulder. I put my arm around her and try not to think about Garret . Nigel at empts to mimic me, but Annabel e glares at him so ferociously that he almost fal s out of his chair.
I’m about to suggest to Desiree that we nd somewhere a lit le more “private” to hang out when I hear banshee-like howling coming from inside the lobby. I glance at Nigel and raise an eyebrow.
DESIREE
What’s
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