here?’
Glorious’s beautiful face went taut. I’d seen that happen so many times before with so many people. Closing off. Hiding the truth.
‘I told you before: it’s a choice. A way of life. Better than the one I had before I came here,’ she said. ‘In a few days, you’ll understand why.’
Chapter Nine
G lorious was right. And she was the consummate teacher.
Worse, though, I soon became the consummate student, ambushed by the Eskaalim.
Every minute I practised the arts it grew fat and bloated and I was powerless to fight the pleasure in the way I had fought the violence.
The visions started again and in a matter of days I became lost. Concerned only with prolonging the euphoria.
She taught me to prepare blends, crudely but effectively. I learned how and where and when to administer them and she’d let me overdose so I knew the side effects.
‘You recover so quickly,’ she marvelled.
But Glorious was wrong. I wasn’t recovering. I was deeply hooked and reaping the consequences. The parasite that I’d struggled so hard to control was shaking free again, feeding off the sex just as it fed off the violence - adaptable and resilient.
I might have resisted the shape-change before, but it was coming for me this time. Gaining ground every time I used the dizzies.
And yet I couldn’t stop.
The chemical addiction was worse than anything I’d ever tried - worse than Lark and NS. Now I understood what happened to the spinners like the one who’d killed Brigitte. And why Glorious stayed with the job. And why scum like Lavish Deluxe could make a living from it.
I’d become consumed, like them.
Worse. I’d become obsessed with Glorious, not wanting to share her with anyone. In fact, I wanted to kill anyone who touched her. I wanted her every minute, without exclusion, without conscience or restraint.
Glorious seemed fascinated by the intensity of my response.
‘We have one last experience,’ she said, not looking at me as she spoke. ‘So you understand how deep it can go.’
Her half-closed eyes and swollen lips told me that her proposed teaching experience wasn’t just for me. Glorious was enjoying herself.
Strangely, that made me glad.
It was early evening. At least I think it was - Delly had given her several days off work to tutor me and we’d only been out to eat.
‘I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.’ But my protest was brittle. In truth, I’d become ridiculously compliant. I just wanted her to dizzie me up and touch me. Nothing else mattered.
‘Don’t you want to take a little risk, Jales?’
She closed her eyes and concentrated for a few moments. When she opened them she ran her finger along the sweat that had appeared under her armpit.
Before I realised what she was doing, she had covered my mouth and forced her finger into my nostril.
I inhaled her geno-fixed sweat deeply.
Glorious took my hands and cupped her breasts with them. I watched her eyes roll back in her head as if she was fitting. Then something exploded in me, obliterating all other experiences.
She climbed my body, legs clutching tight around my waist. The weight of her toppled us on to her bed. Her tongue in my mouth, she undressed me while I lay shivering and jerking with the shock of mounting sensations.
The Eskaalim presence, already bloated by my hormones, erupted. Coherent thought deserted me entirely. My skin caught fire.
I rolled her over and mounted her, my hands around her neck.
Who was I? Should I kill?
‘Jales. Relax. It’s like tripping. If you fight it you’ll become psychotic,’ she said.
I battled the desire to strangle Glorious and closed my eyes. Images rushed me. The past. Mo-Vay. Roo - flesh dissolving in the copper canal. Jamon Mondo. Kevin. Everything terrible.
Somebody was screaming.
I opened my eyes.
Me . I was screaming.
Glorious pulled me down on her. ‘Suckle,’ she ordered. ‘Take comfort.’
I put my lips to her nipple, tugging and sucking
Glorious’s beautiful face went taut. I’d seen that happen so many times before with so many people. Closing off. Hiding the truth.
‘I told you before: it’s a choice. A way of life. Better than the one I had before I came here,’ she said. ‘In a few days, you’ll understand why.’
Chapter Nine
G lorious was right. And she was the consummate teacher.
Worse, though, I soon became the consummate student, ambushed by the Eskaalim.
Every minute I practised the arts it grew fat and bloated and I was powerless to fight the pleasure in the way I had fought the violence.
The visions started again and in a matter of days I became lost. Concerned only with prolonging the euphoria.
She taught me to prepare blends, crudely but effectively. I learned how and where and when to administer them and she’d let me overdose so I knew the side effects.
‘You recover so quickly,’ she marvelled.
But Glorious was wrong. I wasn’t recovering. I was deeply hooked and reaping the consequences. The parasite that I’d struggled so hard to control was shaking free again, feeding off the sex just as it fed off the violence - adaptable and resilient.
I might have resisted the shape-change before, but it was coming for me this time. Gaining ground every time I used the dizzies.
And yet I couldn’t stop.
The chemical addiction was worse than anything I’d ever tried - worse than Lark and NS. Now I understood what happened to the spinners like the one who’d killed Brigitte. And why Glorious stayed with the job. And why scum like Lavish Deluxe could make a living from it.
I’d become consumed, like them.
Worse. I’d become obsessed with Glorious, not wanting to share her with anyone. In fact, I wanted to kill anyone who touched her. I wanted her every minute, without exclusion, without conscience or restraint.
Glorious seemed fascinated by the intensity of my response.
‘We have one last experience,’ she said, not looking at me as she spoke. ‘So you understand how deep it can go.’
Her half-closed eyes and swollen lips told me that her proposed teaching experience wasn’t just for me. Glorious was enjoying herself.
Strangely, that made me glad.
It was early evening. At least I think it was - Delly had given her several days off work to tutor me and we’d only been out to eat.
‘I don’t know if that’s such a good idea.’ But my protest was brittle. In truth, I’d become ridiculously compliant. I just wanted her to dizzie me up and touch me. Nothing else mattered.
‘Don’t you want to take a little risk, Jales?’
She closed her eyes and concentrated for a few moments. When she opened them she ran her finger along the sweat that had appeared under her armpit.
Before I realised what she was doing, she had covered my mouth and forced her finger into my nostril.
I inhaled her geno-fixed sweat deeply.
Glorious took my hands and cupped her breasts with them. I watched her eyes roll back in her head as if she was fitting. Then something exploded in me, obliterating all other experiences.
She climbed my body, legs clutching tight around my waist. The weight of her toppled us on to her bed. Her tongue in my mouth, she undressed me while I lay shivering and jerking with the shock of mounting sensations.
The Eskaalim presence, already bloated by my hormones, erupted. Coherent thought deserted me entirely. My skin caught fire.
I rolled her over and mounted her, my hands around her neck.
Who was I? Should I kill?
‘Jales. Relax. It’s like tripping. If you fight it you’ll become psychotic,’ she said.
I battled the desire to strangle Glorious and closed my eyes. Images rushed me. The past. Mo-Vay. Roo - flesh dissolving in the copper canal. Jamon Mondo. Kevin. Everything terrible.
Somebody was screaming.
I opened my eyes.
Me . I was screaming.
Glorious pulled me down on her. ‘Suckle,’ she ordered. ‘Take comfort.’
I put my lips to her nipple, tugging and sucking
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