charge.
That someone was Bree.
I chose her name (not sure where
I got it), chose when to become her.
What I didn’t expect was discovering
she had always been there, inside of me.
How could Kristina and Bree
live inside of one person?
How could two such different halves
make up the whole of me?
How could Bree have possibly survived,
stuck in Kristina’s daily existence?
The Funny Thing Was
Bree solved the meth dilemma on a family
trip to Wild Waters, Scott’s annual
company picnic. Sarah came
along to spend time with
Kristina. But Bree
had other things
in mind.
The first was
a truly gorgeous
lifeguard. Turned out
Brendan wasn’t so pretty
on the inside, but even Bree, who
thrived on intuition, was clueless. Hard
on the make, Brendan shared booze, cigarettes.
But one guy wasn’t quite enough. I
also ran into Chase Wagner that
day. His outside wasn’t as
attractive, but inside he
was fine. Of course,
I didn’t know
that yet.
I found out
soon enough that
both Chase and Brendan
knew the score—and both
were interested in me. Brendan
only wanted sex; Chase offered love.
Either way, I had my path to the monster.
Later, I discovered that Robyn, my
old friend Trent’s sister (not to
mention an “in” cheerleader),
tweaked to stay thin
and “pep up.” She
taught me how
to smoke it.
It didn’t take
long to immerse
myself in the lifestyle.
Didn’t take long for school
to go to shit; for friendships and
dedication to family to falter. Didn’t
take long to become a slave to the monster.
My Mom and Stepfather
Tried to stop me before
it all went completely wrong.
Kristina spent almost a whole
year GUFN—grounded
until further notice.
But Bree was really good
at prying open windows
at night, lying with a straight
face, denying she had
slipped so far downhill.
Nothing slowed me down.
Not losing my virginity
to Brendan’s rape. Not
spending a few days
in juvenile hall.
The only thing that kept
me sane was Chase’s love,
despite all I put him through.
He even swore to love me
when I told him I was pregnant.
Pregnant. And Brendan
was the father. Bree considered
abortion. Exorcism. Kristina
understood the baby was not
the demon. His father was.
But you know this part
of the story. You followed
me on my journey through
the monster’s territory.
We wound up here.
Who am I now, three
months after I left you,
standing on the deck
with me, listening to my
new baby, crying inside?
I told you then, the monster
is a way of life, one it’s
difficult to leave behind,
no matter how hard you try.
I have tried, really I have.
Maybe if Chase had stayed
with me, instead of running
off to California, in search
of his dreams. Then again,
I told him to go.
Maybe if I had dreams
of my own to run off in
search of. I did once.
But now I have no plans
for a perfect tomorrow.
All I have is today.
T for Today
I’d really like to tell you I have a nice little place with
a white picket fence, flowers in the garden, and Winnie-
the-Pooh, Eeyore, and Tigger, too, on baby blue nursery
walls. I’d like to inform you that I am on a fast track to
a college degree and a career in computer animation—
something I’ve aimed for, ever since I found out I could
draw. I’d love to let
you know I left the
monster screaming
in my dust, shut my
ears, scrambled back
to my family, back to
my baby, my heart. I
could tell you those
things, but they’d be
lies—nothing new for
me, true. But if all I
wrote was lies, you
wouldn’t really know
my story. I want you
to know. Not a day
passes when I don’t
think about getting
high. Strung. Getting
out of this deep well
of monotony I’m
slowly drowning in.
Be sure to read
Ellen Hopkins’s
PERFECT
Perfect is the story of four high school seniors, all of whom have friends, siblings, and a drive to attain “perfection.” They each have very different goals, and very different ways of achieving them. Meet Cara, whose
That someone was Bree.
I chose her name (not sure where
I got it), chose when to become her.
What I didn’t expect was discovering
she had always been there, inside of me.
How could Kristina and Bree
live inside of one person?
How could two such different halves
make up the whole of me?
How could Bree have possibly survived,
stuck in Kristina’s daily existence?
The Funny Thing Was
Bree solved the meth dilemma on a family
trip to Wild Waters, Scott’s annual
company picnic. Sarah came
along to spend time with
Kristina. But Bree
had other things
in mind.
The first was
a truly gorgeous
lifeguard. Turned out
Brendan wasn’t so pretty
on the inside, but even Bree, who
thrived on intuition, was clueless. Hard
on the make, Brendan shared booze, cigarettes.
But one guy wasn’t quite enough. I
also ran into Chase Wagner that
day. His outside wasn’t as
attractive, but inside he
was fine. Of course,
I didn’t know
that yet.
I found out
soon enough that
both Chase and Brendan
knew the score—and both
were interested in me. Brendan
only wanted sex; Chase offered love.
Either way, I had my path to the monster.
Later, I discovered that Robyn, my
old friend Trent’s sister (not to
mention an “in” cheerleader),
tweaked to stay thin
and “pep up.” She
taught me how
to smoke it.
It didn’t take
long to immerse
myself in the lifestyle.
Didn’t take long for school
to go to shit; for friendships and
dedication to family to falter. Didn’t
take long to become a slave to the monster.
My Mom and Stepfather
Tried to stop me before
it all went completely wrong.
Kristina spent almost a whole
year GUFN—grounded
until further notice.
But Bree was really good
at prying open windows
at night, lying with a straight
face, denying she had
slipped so far downhill.
Nothing slowed me down.
Not losing my virginity
to Brendan’s rape. Not
spending a few days
in juvenile hall.
The only thing that kept
me sane was Chase’s love,
despite all I put him through.
He even swore to love me
when I told him I was pregnant.
Pregnant. And Brendan
was the father. Bree considered
abortion. Exorcism. Kristina
understood the baby was not
the demon. His father was.
But you know this part
of the story. You followed
me on my journey through
the monster’s territory.
We wound up here.
Who am I now, three
months after I left you,
standing on the deck
with me, listening to my
new baby, crying inside?
I told you then, the monster
is a way of life, one it’s
difficult to leave behind,
no matter how hard you try.
I have tried, really I have.
Maybe if Chase had stayed
with me, instead of running
off to California, in search
of his dreams. Then again,
I told him to go.
Maybe if I had dreams
of my own to run off in
search of. I did once.
But now I have no plans
for a perfect tomorrow.
All I have is today.
T for Today
I’d really like to tell you I have a nice little place with
a white picket fence, flowers in the garden, and Winnie-
the-Pooh, Eeyore, and Tigger, too, on baby blue nursery
walls. I’d like to inform you that I am on a fast track to
a college degree and a career in computer animation—
something I’ve aimed for, ever since I found out I could
draw. I’d love to let
you know I left the
monster screaming
in my dust, shut my
ears, scrambled back
to my family, back to
my baby, my heart. I
could tell you those
things, but they’d be
lies—nothing new for
me, true. But if all I
wrote was lies, you
wouldn’t really know
my story. I want you
to know. Not a day
passes when I don’t
think about getting
high. Strung. Getting
out of this deep well
of monotony I’m
slowly drowning in.
Be sure to read
Ellen Hopkins’s
PERFECT
Perfect is the story of four high school seniors, all of whom have friends, siblings, and a drive to attain “perfection.” They each have very different goals, and very different ways of achieving them. Meet Cara, whose
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