warmly. ‘Let me just check . . .’ He placed a hand on his heart and cocked his head for a moment. ‘Yes, I still avidly adore you. And not just because your nipples are on high beam.’
‘Sorry, but I obviously left my spontaneous quips in my other handbag. Something to do with the fact that I’ve just been visiting a little girl in hospital who was brutally raped by two heartless thugs.’
‘Allegedly.’
‘Your chronic scepticism is the very reason why we need to try my client first, before their rape trial. If the poor girl doesn’t give a good account of what happened – and who could, under the circumstances, she’s just turned sixteen, for God’s sake! – the rapists will get off and my gran will go down. In your position as Treasury Counsel, it’s the only humane and just thing to do.’
‘Ah, so you’ve come here to make a plea bargain.’ Jack Cassidy’s eyes narrowed with keen interest. ‘I hear the plea. But what’s the bargain?’ He gave me a playful smirk. ‘If I do this favour for
you
, what’s in it for
me
?’
‘Professional decency. Something you know nothing about, of course.’
‘I’m having rather
in
decent thoughts about another professional right now actually . . .’
I wrapped my arms across my chest. ‘So, enlighten me. Don’t your Narcissists Anonymous meetings somewhat interfere with your dating life? Now, will you help me or not? Can we agree her case should be tried first?’
‘Why don’t you charm me into it?’ Jack suggested. He gave a wide smile, which increased his resemblance to the Cheshire Cat. ‘Use your feminine wiles.’
‘Sorry. Can’t. I whiled away my feminine wiles while dating complete assholes in my youth,’ I said pointedly.
‘I think it would be beneficial to discuss this dilemma over dinner, don’t you? I could wine and dine you by candlelight. What would life be without the occasional swing from a chandelier?’
‘A chandelier is just a lightbulb with a big ego,’ I countered. ‘Something you
do
know all about.’
‘Then after dinner,’ he went on, ignoring my comment, ‘you could slip into something more comfortable . . .’
‘Yes, like a coma.’
‘Why are you always so defensive, Matilda? I could be the perfect boyfriend for you. I’ve improved since we were students, you know. I’ve learnt to be so much more considerate . . . When you’re hungover, I will use only little words. When you fall over, I’ll point and laugh for a while, but will always give you a hand up. When you’ve got the flu – stay the hell away from me if I have a case. But I will make chicken soup. Why won’t you give me a second chance?’
‘Because I am not your type.’
‘You’re not anyone’s type. You’re a total original. That’s why I like you so much . . . You’re the human version of a platypus.’
‘I vowed when I went to the Bar never to date a lawyer. A male lawyer is in love with one thing – the sound of his own voice.’
‘Really?’ Jack gave a slow smile. ‘I find that talking is excellent exercise for the mouth’s all-important oral-sex muscles.’
‘You really are delusional. We wouldn’t make love, Jack. We’d make war.’
‘Yes, but with two winning sides.’
I tried to ignore him, but his gaze was like the touch of a hand on my arm.
‘Date me, or it’s no deal,’ he said simply, rocking back on his chair. ‘And your gran will have to contemplate a very long sentence—’
‘At least she won’t put a
proposition
at the end of it,’ I cut in contemptuously. ‘What happened to you, Jack? When we met, you wanted to work for Human Rights Watch.’
‘Yes, but that was before I realized it would mean spending my days with gruff, bearded men poking their gun barrels through my car window to demand bribes before stringing me up by the testicles anyway and beating me senseless with copies of their misanthropic manifestos.’
‘Really? For a chauvinist pig like you, I can see many upsides to
‘Sorry, but I obviously left my spontaneous quips in my other handbag. Something to do with the fact that I’ve just been visiting a little girl in hospital who was brutally raped by two heartless thugs.’
‘Allegedly.’
‘Your chronic scepticism is the very reason why we need to try my client first, before their rape trial. If the poor girl doesn’t give a good account of what happened – and who could, under the circumstances, she’s just turned sixteen, for God’s sake! – the rapists will get off and my gran will go down. In your position as Treasury Counsel, it’s the only humane and just thing to do.’
‘Ah, so you’ve come here to make a plea bargain.’ Jack Cassidy’s eyes narrowed with keen interest. ‘I hear the plea. But what’s the bargain?’ He gave me a playful smirk. ‘If I do this favour for
you
, what’s in it for
me
?’
‘Professional decency. Something you know nothing about, of course.’
‘I’m having rather
in
decent thoughts about another professional right now actually . . .’
I wrapped my arms across my chest. ‘So, enlighten me. Don’t your Narcissists Anonymous meetings somewhat interfere with your dating life? Now, will you help me or not? Can we agree her case should be tried first?’
‘Why don’t you charm me into it?’ Jack suggested. He gave a wide smile, which increased his resemblance to the Cheshire Cat. ‘Use your feminine wiles.’
‘Sorry. Can’t. I whiled away my feminine wiles while dating complete assholes in my youth,’ I said pointedly.
‘I think it would be beneficial to discuss this dilemma over dinner, don’t you? I could wine and dine you by candlelight. What would life be without the occasional swing from a chandelier?’
‘A chandelier is just a lightbulb with a big ego,’ I countered. ‘Something you
do
know all about.’
‘Then after dinner,’ he went on, ignoring my comment, ‘you could slip into something more comfortable . . .’
‘Yes, like a coma.’
‘Why are you always so defensive, Matilda? I could be the perfect boyfriend for you. I’ve improved since we were students, you know. I’ve learnt to be so much more considerate . . . When you’re hungover, I will use only little words. When you fall over, I’ll point and laugh for a while, but will always give you a hand up. When you’ve got the flu – stay the hell away from me if I have a case. But I will make chicken soup. Why won’t you give me a second chance?’
‘Because I am not your type.’
‘You’re not anyone’s type. You’re a total original. That’s why I like you so much . . . You’re the human version of a platypus.’
‘I vowed when I went to the Bar never to date a lawyer. A male lawyer is in love with one thing – the sound of his own voice.’
‘Really?’ Jack gave a slow smile. ‘I find that talking is excellent exercise for the mouth’s all-important oral-sex muscles.’
‘You really are delusional. We wouldn’t make love, Jack. We’d make war.’
‘Yes, but with two winning sides.’
I tried to ignore him, but his gaze was like the touch of a hand on my arm.
‘Date me, or it’s no deal,’ he said simply, rocking back on his chair. ‘And your gran will have to contemplate a very long sentence—’
‘At least she won’t put a
proposition
at the end of it,’ I cut in contemptuously. ‘What happened to you, Jack? When we met, you wanted to work for Human Rights Watch.’
‘Yes, but that was before I realized it would mean spending my days with gruff, bearded men poking their gun barrels through my car window to demand bribes before stringing me up by the testicles anyway and beating me senseless with copies of their misanthropic manifestos.’
‘Really? For a chauvinist pig like you, I can see many upsides to
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