Consultation with a Vampire - 01

Consultation with a Vampire - 01 by Patrick E. McLean

Book: Consultation with a Vampire - 01 by Patrick E. McLean Read Free Book Online
Authors: Patrick E. McLean
flashlights and night vision, but I am afraid that you are simply obsolete.”
    “Obsolete! We are eternal,” Madeleine protested.
    “Let us put that to the test,” Edwin said. Then he disappeared.  
    DeChevue screamed at the ceiling, “WIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIINDSOORRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!” It was very dramatic, but as the ceiling was an inanimate object, it was not impressed or scared.  
    For a moment, DeChevue didn’t know what to do. He looked at Madeleine. She looked back.
    “What now?” she asked.  
    “Eh,” he said with a shrug. “Now we go kill him.” But before they could take as much as a step towards the door, there was a loud boom.  
    During construction, Edwin had seen fit to include a number of explosive charges along the roof of the extruded polymer bubble. Unlike a self-destruct mechanism, these charges were not directed downward. It is unreasonably difficult to compress a sphere with explosives, as anyone who has designed a detonator for an atomic bomb will tell you. Instead, these charges were directed upward. And when they were detonated, they hurled several tons of earth (and at least one ton of unsightly fountain/reflecting pool/koi pond) into the sky.  
    The top half of the sphere in which DeChevue and Madeleine were trapped now protruded from the center of a large crater. They were horrified to see a clear night above them and hints of dawn in the visible in the east.  
    With superhuman strength, DeChevue clawed at the door to the lobby. But it didn’t budge. He kicked it and only succeeded in knocking himself backwards. Then, he got a running start and charged it with his shoulder. He was stopped dead and was treated to a crunch that was the sound a shoulder made when a little too much superhuman strength was focused into it.  
    Exhausted, panting, and in pain, he threw himself down on the sofa. Madeleine asked, “Is there nothing we can do?” The only answer she got was more panting. She sat herself on the back of the couch and ran her fingers through DeChevue’s long hair in an attempt to comfort him. After the moaning and the cursing subsided, she said, “Well, at least we will get to see the sunrise.”
    “Oh, shut up,” DeChevue said.  

    From the great height of his office, Edwin looked down upon the crater that had replaced the uninspired reflecting pool. In the background, the technician was disassembling the holographic conference equipment. Topper waddled over and surveyed the damage. “Remind me never to back you into a corner,” Topper said.  
    “Is that the kind of thing you are likely to forget?” Edwin asked.
    “No. I mean, NO. Geeze, I’m your buddy, your pal, your friend—even more important than that, I’m your lawyer. It’s a sacred trust, and you can always count on me.”  
    Edwin looked down at his small friend. “Topper, would you care to join me for a drink?”
    “A drink? I mean you, and the drinking and the— Jesus, the sun isn’t even up yet. What is it, quarter after six?”
    “If you don’t feel it appropriate.”
    “Feel it appropriate? Are you kidding? I’m the guy with his picture on the bottle of Rise and Shine, the Breakfast Bourbon™. I am literally the Bruce Jenner of early-morning drinking.”
    “I thought I might have a glass of champagne to celebrate.”
    “To celebrate what? Not getting fanged to death?” Topper asked, truly confused.  
    “You really have missed most of this, haven’t you? No matter. Let us go outside and watch the sunrise.”  
    Edwin approached the edge of the crater with a bottle of 1928 Krug and three champagne glasses. “The custom is to open this with a cavalry saber.”
    “I am so proud of you,” Topper said with tears in his eyes. “Busting up perfectly good bottles and solving problems with explosions. Pretty soon, you are going to be having fun like a normal person.”
    Edwin ignored this and popped the cork with his hands. He held the bottle out over the edge of the crater so that

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