Confessions of an Ex-Girlfriend by Lynda Curnyn Page B

loved had turned into a candidate for the Big Beauties catalog. Maybe I had become…completely undesirable.
    My gaze fell on the phone. I wanted so desperately to talk to him all of sudden. I needed confirmation—but of what? That hehad left me because he didn’t want me anymore? That the reason he hadn’t called yet, despite the fact that he was probably more than “settled in” by now, was that he was already dating some wand-slim blonde who didn’t even need to rely on the whimsy of her hairdresser to maintain her golden status? I could see them now, marching off to the premiere of Derrick’s movie, she leaning on his arm in some strappy little number that only the malnourished could pull off with any sort of aplomb. I hated her. I hated him even more.
    I called Alyssa. “Why didn’t you tell me I got fat?”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œThe woman downstairs—you know, Beatrice?—just accused me of being a member of the size 14 and over set.”
    â€œOh, and now you’re suddenly taking to heart the opinions of a woman who has a metal plate where part of her brain once was?”
    â€œDo you think Derrick left me because he suddenly realized if he stuck with me, he’d wind up married to one of those double-chinned, muumuu-wearing housewives who have a penchant for finding any excuse to keep the old cake-hole full?”
    â€œEm, Derrick left you because he got a job on the West Coast.”
    â€œHe could have taken me with him.”
    â€œYou didn’t want to move to L.A.”
    â€œThat is so not the point, Lys. He didn’t even ask!”
    I heard Alyssa sigh. “Look, if you want, you can come to my gym with me. I have loads of guest passes I’ve never even used.”
    â€œOh my God. You just admitted it. You think I’m fat, too, don’t you?”
    â€œEmma—”
    â€œYou can tell me. I can take it—”
    â€œEmma! Will you listen to me for a minute? I think you look fine the way you are. The problem is, you don’t think you look fine the way you are, and that’s no good. I only suggested the gym because a good workout always makes me feel better about myself. Plus, it’s good for stress. And clearly you’ve got a lot of that going on.”
    â€œCan you blame me? I went in to Caroline today to tell her that I wanted to apply for the senior features editor position, and youknow what she mumbles while I’m sitting there all suited up and ready to receive her blessing?”
    â€œWhat?”
    â€œ Interesting. Two years ago she is practically pushing me into the contributing ed position. Now I want to move up again, and she calls this interesting. What the fuck does that mean?”
    â€œThat is weird.”
    â€œSee what I mean?”
    â€œWell are you still going to go to the editor-in-chief?”
    â€œI guess I have to, now that I’ve set the ball in motion. Caroline told me I should update my résumé, so Patricia could see all my previous publishing experience—you know, the experience I don’t have?”
    â€œI’ll help you with the résumé, Emma. There are ways of making yourself look like a strong candidate even if you don’t have lots of experience. But let’s take one thing at a time. Come to the gym with me tomorrow. You’ll feel better after a good workout.”
    â€œAll right, all right,” I said, calming down finally. Alyssa had that kind of soothing effect on me. We hung up a short while later, after I learned that Lulu was having trouble with her new medication and that Alyssa might have to take her in to the irresistible Dr. Jason Carruthers again. At least I had tomorrow at the gym to try to talk her out of any designs she still had on the doc himself. Feeling safe and satisfied for the moment, I allowed myself half a Suzy Q—I mean, I was going to work out tomorrow, surely I was allowed something to take the