Confessions of a Hostie 3 by Danielle Hugh Page A

drink
alcohol and guzzle coffee, however I have never, nor ever will,
indulge in anything that might be found on a list of banned
substances. Crew can be drug-tested. It rarely occurs. This is not
the sole reason I am anti-drugs. It is a personal choice. I have
seen the devastating effects some drugs can have, not just
physically, but emotionally. Ok, that's enough of Danielle the anti-drugs
campaigner , let's get back to sitting around the pool
with four other likeminded people discussing everything from being
naked in hotels to sleeping habits:
    Julia tells a story of taking a sleeping
tablet four hours before her scheduled wake-up call - or so she
thought. She had misread her wake-up call time. What she thought
was 16:00, being 4 p.m., was actually 14:00, being 2 p.m. Two hours
may not sound much, but when you have just taken a pill which
knocks you out for four hours and the phone rings... I'll let Julia
tell the story...
    'The phone rang. I was in gaga land. I must
have picked up the phone and put it back down. I have no idea.
Later the phone rang - and it was our boss. How long will you be Julia? he asked, the crew are on the bus . Oh god, I
screamed - I didn't get my wake-up call. He said yes you did; the hotel has a record of it, but don't panic.
We will go to the airport. You'll need to catch a cab and pay for
it yourself. How long do you need to get ready? I was
still dopey from the sleeping tablet. I stupidly said I could be
ready in ten minutes. I'll have a cab ready
for you in 15 minutes then , he calmly told me. So we'll see you on the plane . Why
did I say ten minutes? How the hell could I get ready in ten
minutes even if I was wide awake? I hadn't packed or anything. I
threw myself in the shower, but didn't wash my hair - just splashed
my face really. I'll apply my make-up in the taxi, I thought to
myself. Have you ever tried to put make-up on while in the backseat
of a moving car? I certainly wouldn't recommend it. And to add
insult to injury, because I threw everything in my suitcase and bag
in a frenzied panic, I must have left some things behind, including
my lipstick I use for work, plus the world's most expensive
perfume. I could survive without the perfume, but the cost of
replacing it, along with the 45 minutes cab fare, were a bitter
pill to swallow. I had a backup lipstick in my purse, but not the
one I use on the plane. Cherry red lips - great for a nightclub,
but not really the right color for work. I made the plane on-time,
only just - and I looked awful. I was rattled and I had to face a
plane full of passengers on a 12 hour flight. God, stupidity can be
painful.'
     
    Julia is a good storyteller. We all laughed,
chiefly as each of us had similar experiences. One of the boys
talks of being repositioned crew, where he was a passenger
out-of-uniform, to have a 16 hour layover and then operate on the
plane back home. When he arrived at the hotel he discovered he had
not packed his work pants. He had the rest of the uniform, but no
pants. No other crew would carry spare pants. Even if they did, the
chances of them fitting were improbable. He arrived at the hotel at
night. No shops were open. He only had a small window of
opportunity the next morning to purchase a pair of pants remotely
similar to the work pants. He said the pants he bought, being
outrageously expensive, were the same color, but a different style.
He wore his jacket for the whole flight, covering what he termed
'very effeminate pleats'. He did tell the onboard manager about his
attire, yet the rest of the crew had no idea he was wearing
non-uniform pants. As a footnote, he said he never wore the pants
again, also lamenting about the financial ramifications of his own
stupidity.
     
    I've had no major uniform incidences which
have impacted my work, yet there have been plenty of occasions
onboard where I wish my uniform had a protective outer skin. I've
been sneezed on, vomited on, spat on (all accidentally) ... you get
the drift. My