Comedy Girl by Ellen Schreiber Page A

contest!”
    â€œNext week I’ll be opening for you,” he said. “Nervous?”
    â€œYou kidding? I do this all the time. Just like plucking my eyebrows.”
    â€œRemember you have the microphone, not them,” he comforted me.
    â€œThanks. I’ll try to remember that. Oh yeah, how do you want to be introduced?”
    â€œHow about ‘Voted People ’s Sexiest Man Alive!’”
    I glared at him.
    â€œOkay, how about ‘Performed on Comedy Central and opened for Steven Wright’?”
    I quickly scribbled the intro on a Chaplin’s napkin when a shaggy-haired grunger guy walked in with two buddies.
    â€œThat’s Tucker.” Cam pointed.
    I took a breath and approached him like a mouse. “I’m opening the show,” I said meekly. “How should I introduce you?”
    â€œI’ve been on the Douglas Douglas Show .”
    â€œYou have?” I asked in awe.
    Ben tapped me on the shoulder. “Ready, girl?”
    I looked at Cam as I bit my lip.
    â€œShe’s ready!” he announced.
    My stomach sank to the floor. My heart raced as if I had just finished a marathon. I had a lump in my throat the size of the Sears Tower!
    â€œAnd here’s…Trixie Shapiro,” Ben announced from offstage.
    I walked in slow motion, like I was in a thick soup, trying to keep my noodle legs and carrot arms from floating away. Finally I reached the stage and stepped behind the microphone, which towered over me.
    I paused, looked up at the microphone and down at myself. The audience snickered at the height difference. I tilted the microphone stand down to my level and looked out.
    â€œI need a microphone to use the microphone!”
    They laughed. Exhilaration surged through my whole being.
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    I was well into my set, bantering with a group of dentists at the table to my right, when I glimpsed the theater door opening. A delivery boy entered with a pizza. It was Eddie.
    I was stunned. Why was he delivering now? Was hegoing to stay and watch me?
    Eddie didn’t even notice me as he handed the pizza to Ben. Then Ben pointed at the stage. I couldn’t say anything as Eddie sat down. I glared at Ben, who must have seen me struggling. I could see him trying to shoo Eddie away, but Eddie didn’t move.
    He looked straight at me and smiled. All I could think of was Eddie watching me. I couldn’t remember my next joke.
    I wanted to stop the show. “Give me some privacy!” I wanted to scream. I felt like I was in Mason’s bathroom stall and Eddie had accidentally opened the door.
    I glared back at Eddie, hoping he’d get the hint.
    Finally Ben picked up the pizza and grabbed Eddie’s arm, and they slipped into the kitchen.
    â€œHey, we’re over here!” a drunken dentist called. “Don’t forget about us!”
    â€œBelieve me, a shot of Novocain wouldn’t save me from your painful heckling!” I improvised. The dentists laughed and my heart beat once again.
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    After the show I was glowing from my comedy high and relaxing alone at my table when Eddie pulled up a chair and set down a piping hot, small cheeseless pizza with extra sauce.
    â€œYou’ll have to pick another route,” I demanded. “You can’t deliver here anymore.”
    â€œGet a grip, baby, you totally rocked!”
    â€œWe’re going over to Hailey’s Pub,” Cam said to me, approaching the table. “You comin’?”
    â€œNo thanks,” I answered. “I have plans.”
    â€œYour boyfriend?” Cam asked, glancing at Eddie.
    â€œHe’s just the delivery boy.”
    â€œDon’t insult me like that,” Eddie scolded. “I’m the delivery man!”
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    I was still flying. Cam, Eddie, and I were buzzing through Chaplin’s parking lot when Gavin got out of his Volvo. I was elated to see my dream boy picking me up after my dream job.
    â€œYour dad looks really